Feeling torn

[Pushedmonkeyfrommyback]

Bear with me this is complicated. I’m a massive animal lover and 7 years ago I got a cat (I’ll call cat 1) from The Cat’s Protection- she was 9 months old and not much was known about her history as she’d been transferred from another area. She had been in the cattery for 3 months and they had spayed her so I assume she’d had a litter of kittens ( her nipples were enlarged too). She was, and still is, very skittish ( I suspect she’d been living on the streets) and spends most of her day on top of a wardrobe. I have had some steps built so she can access her safe place and she has a basket on top of the wardrobe for her comfort.
I live on my own in a ground floor flat so she has access to the outside. My outside area is a shared patio that overlooks a canal. She doesn’t like going out much as she gets bullied by other cats as the area outside is shared,she hasn’t got her own garden ( territory) although it’s a lovely place for cats to roam amongst the wildlife on the canal bank.
She has my undivided attention when she’s not on top of the wardrobe. I love her but she’s seems pretty indifferent to me. She’s not at all affectionate and randomly bites me when she’s bored (drawing blood). I play with her with laser pens and toys etc which she enjoys but soon becomes bored. Because she’s pretty inactive she’s put on weight and is having problems grooming her rear end and has been scooting on the carpet.I took her to the vet and she had her anal glands squeezed and she’s now on obesity management diet. She loves her food so she’s not happy being on a low calorie regime.
Over Christmas I’m looking after a friend’s cat (I’ll call cat 2) she’s an indoor cat who also lives in an apartment. Friend has a very demanding job and is hardly ever in (ended up acquiring cat from elderly relative) so I feel sorry for my Christmas visitor cat as she’s often on her own. To facilitate me looking after my visitor my ex husband volunteered to look after my cat ( cat 1) . Cat 1 and 2 can’t mix as they fight . He has a big house with a garden and he also has a cat (cat 3) who is very friendly and laid back. He was a stray , living on the canal who I started feeding and rehomed him with my ex several years ago. My cat and cat 3 get on and I think she feels confident with him.
My conundrum is, my ex is happy to keep my cat and my friend would be happy for me to rehome her cat as she never really wanted her as very career driven . I feel like it makes sense for me to adopt cat 2 as I’m in most of the time and she loves company and affection whereas cat no 1 is very independent. I suppose I feel guilty like I’m abandoning my cat. However, she’s have more space to roam and will be less inclined to be bullied by other felines as she’ll have her own garden and cat 2 to protect her. She will also be more active and less fixated on food as more space to explore. What shall I do?

Apologies, that was long and boring!

I am very much in favour of "You get an animal , you keep the animal" but ....

Even if you weren't thinking about taking on Cat 2 , it would appear Cat 1 would be happy with Cat 3 and your Ex

Cat 1 wins here -
More space , her own garden, a Cat Friend who she gets along with , more excercise
Your Ex is happy to take her .

Even without the better quality of life that Cat 2 will get with you , Cat 1 sounds like her QoL will improve too.
Not dissing your Cat Keeping Skills BTW
My cats really don't like me , they love DH(Female cat) , DD(Male cat) tolerate DS if he feeds them but actively sneer at me .

I am fine with it , I love the cats , they just don;t see me as being on their radar , (I have done nothing to upset these animals , except taking them to the Vet , but DD or DH comes with me , I'm the villan)

So I know what its like to do all this and they are totally un appreciative .

If there's any issues with your DCat 1 and your Ex DCat 3 can he accomodate them having their own space ? That;s the only draw back I can think of , if there's a clash then she's stuck .

It sounds like cat 1 and cat 2 will both be happier and healthier in the proposed arrangement so I don’t think you should feel guilty. It doesn’t sound like cat 1 is thriving in the current arrangement and might do if she had a private garden. And cat 2 will be happier with more company.

The fact it will make you happier too is a nice bonus but it does sound like this would be in all the animals’ interest.

Some cats just prefer to be outside so it’s fine for cat 1 to move to live with cat 3. If your friend wants to leave cat 2 with you as well, that sounds like a good idea. No point in the humans and cats being unhappy when a simple shuffle round sorts it all out. It would be different if the cats didn’t have homes waiting.

Thank you so much to my post, I didn’t think anyone would, @70isaLimitNotaTarget I also believe in sticking with an animal so that’s why I’m feeling torn by this decision
@stormsandsunshine I agree, I feel like my apartment and outside space isn’t the best for my cat, she’s very nervous going outside and very frustrated being cooped up in my smallish living space

@70isaLimitNotaTarget sorry I missed your second question. My cat and exs cat know each other from when cat 2 was an intact stray and used to come into my apartment for shelter. They have always tolerated each other well as neither are aggressive with other cats

To clarify my "animals for life " stance . it's the re-homing posts on Gumtree "Kidz got bored / I don;t have time/ we're getting a puppy so the guinea-pigs need gone asap" ones that get on my wick .( DD and I used to keep piggies)

Looking at all three cats in your scenario , Cat 1 seems to be in a situation where she would be happier with Cat 3 .
Maybe she's one of those cats that likes men ? ( Our Female adores my DH but likes DD bedroom because the door is usually closed and she wants in there )

My cats are settled , they have their house and garden and cat door . Though they scowl at me as they walk past me and MaleCat gives me a wide eyed bodyswerve , I think they are happy with us . They just treat me like I don't exist , but hey , that's cats for you .

Really it is what is best for the cat 1 . Looking at it all written out , she seems like a good fit with Cat 3 .
So you;re not abandoning her or giving up on her . Look at it as you are giving her your blessing to live where she wants to ?

I agree that cats are for life. However I do think your plan would be best for the cats.

What does 'sticking with an animal' mean? It doesn't mean keeping it in your household at all costs. It means supporting its well-being, even if that inconveniences you. It really does seem that what's best for these two animals' well-being is to swap their homes.

Just a brief update on my cat dilemma earlier in the year. Thanks for all your advice- it’s worked out well so far. Cat 1 has settled in her new environment and is enjoying her outside adventures. Cat 2 is totally adorable and is enjoying all the company and attention

I have posted photos which I assume will show up later. I’m much happier seeing both cats thriving in their new environments. I’m getting so much love from cat 2 instead of biting and regressive, frustrated behaviour from cat 1. I visit my former feline friend every day. She seems fairly happy to see me but I think that because I give her a lic e lix which she’s seemingly addicted to

Aaaha what a lovely update.

Another couple of pics

Two very happy cats!

We have one cat who needs to explore and be outside and one who is happy to look out the window and whiffle at birds. I know our Cat 1 would be miserable if she could not go out.

You have so done the right thing. ❤

@AFLifeForLife thank you