How to support next door neighbour after their cat died?

[Jean24601Valjean]

Just spoke to our next door neighbour and she told me they were just returning home from having their cat cremated who had had to be put to sleep unexpectedly. They are really kind neighbours and I'd love to do something supportive or helpful for them but don't know what to do. I can always do flowers/baking but wondered if there was anything less generic that I might not think of, not being a cat owner so I don't understand what they are going through. Thanks for any ideas, but also understand if the answer that it varies a lot and it's impossible to guess.

Flowers and card would be lovely, I would have appreciate that after my cat

That's very kind of you. I think generic good, biscuits would be nice. Nothing cat related, that would make me even more sad.

Do they have a garden? I would maybe get a plant rather than flowers as cut flowers don't last long.

We lost our dog in November and a few friends sent cards which was much appreciated .

You don't need to do anything. I wouldn't expect a random neighbour to acknowledge the death of my pet, how odd.

Thank everyone that's really helpful to hear that flowers and card would be appreciated. @Littletreefrog I love the plant idea. They do have a garden and take a lot of care of it so I might pop to the garden centre tomorrow.

Are you in the position to have coffee together and let her speak about the cat. Talking and sharing memories of those who are dear and departed can really help.

@TotallyTwisted ok thanks for your input. We aren't random neighbours, we live next door and they have been super kind since we moved in e.g. they remembered my son's birthday and bought him a gift. I wouldn't do anything for another neighbour (probs wouldn't even realise) so I understand where you're coming from but don't think it's really up to you to be the expert on my neighbourly relations.

@AgnesX that's a lovely idea - we actually live abroad and don't speak each others languages amazingly but it's a good reminder that talking can be helpful.

I really appreciated the cards and flowers my friends and neighbours gave to me when my dog died, people were so kind, they knew how much my dog meant to me and reading the cards I found very comforting, I’m sure your neighbours would really appreciate it as well, very thoughtful of you.

We got lots of thoughtful cards when our beloved cat was pts earlier this year, including from our neighbour. Our girl was pure white and one of my girlfriends bought me a beautiful bouquet of white roses for her, and my manager at work gave me a white orchid in a pot.

I was so grateful for everyone’s kindness.

I think a card and plant or some baking would be just lovely

I gave my neighbour a lavender bush when her little dog died, she’s planted it in his favourite spot in the garden ❤️

Although if they still have remaining cats please don't get lilies because they are toxic for pets.

I would hate being given flowers if my cat had died. It would just remind me that he wasn’t there to try and knock them over.

When our cat died last year, one of the neighbours showed me some pictures she'd taken of him, goofing around in her garden - I loved that - the thought that someone else was appreciating what a daft boy he was, and also getting a glimpse into his other life when he was out and about.

If you have anything like that, or just any kind memories of the cat, it might be nice to share.

But be careful of giving things that are intruding on their own personal rituals to remember him - I wouldn't like, say, someone giving me a cat statue for the garden or anything to plant to 'remember him by' - that's for me to do.

@Jean24601Valjean Awwww, aren't you lovely?! 😍

As pps have said, maybe a nice card (sorry for your loss,) and a little bunch of flowers...? That would be fine.

I was going to suggest something like this actually, like some kind of memento, but then thought better of it as it may be a bit of a tricky one, because as you you say, they will very likely want to get it themselves.

I think a card would be perfect, and very thoughtful of you.

Just an update to say I went round with a card and a small plant a couple of days ago and she was very heartened. Didn't suggest the plant was a way of remembering, just that it would be something nice to have, colourful for the time of year etc. Thanks everyone for pointing out that could have been an unhelpful step.