TW - My cat died today, what can I do to help his brother?

[CheeriosOrFrosties]

One of my DCats was found this morning, having been hit by a car. He had only just turned 1 :(

I'm absolutely devastated.

He has a brother (same age) and I don't know what I can do, if anything, to help him. I brought DCat home, so his brother could give him a sniff and say goodbye (no idea if cats actually do that, but anyway), but is there anything that I should/can be doing for him? I feel so sad that he now won't have a playmate. Would it be better to get another cat (not immediately) so he has someone to chase around? I worry that might just make him leave home.

If anyone is here to say it's my own fault for allowing my cats to go outside, please please don't do that. I already feel awful and can't take any more at the moment. I feel so sad that I've lost such a special boy so young.

This is very hard, OP, I do sympathise. I too lost a cat who had a brother companion, he was just 2 yrs old. They were very close. We let his brother see him and it was heart breaking as his reactions appeared to show he knew his brother was gone.

I think the main thing you need to do is give your remaining cat a lot of attention and cuddles, does he sleep in with you at night? Cats, although they can seem independent, really do need love and company, whether that be human or another feline.

Another cat could be a good idea as he is still very young and will likely accept a new cat more readily than if he was a lot older. We didn't get another cat for ours, but on balance we could have done so. Just hasn't seemed right so far.

I am so sorry for your loss, give yourself time to grieve and do give your remaining kitty a lot of cuddles.

So sorry for your loss. I was going to say, show him to his brother. But you've already did that. My cat absolutely understood when her sister died. And never looked for her.

Thanks. My remaining cat is already quite vocal and needy, although I'm never really sure what he actually needs! It is like he wants attention, but if I go to him to give him a stroke, he backs off, only to start miaowing again a few seconds later. He is quite aloof - his brother was the ringleader and the boss and this cat was definitely second fiddle. I wonder if he will change now he doesn't have his brother.

@CheeriosOrFrosties I'm sorry for your loss. It might take your cat a little while to find himself. Especially if he was used to playing second fiddle to his dear brother. Sending hugs 🫂 💐 🙏 ❤️

Thanks @shellyleppard

Yes I agree it will probably take us all a while to find a new normal and for him to figure out who he is without his brother.

Firstly I’m really sorry about your cat. Please don’t worry about cat 2.
We had cat brothers, when one died the other could not have cared less! The one who died first was also dominant and it was almost like cat 2 came out of his shell. They’re quite territorial aren’t they? I would go as far as to say he actually thrived without someone else in his space!

I had cat brothers and the dominant one died very suddenly when they were 5. His surviving brother missed him and I introduced a 7 week old kitten - very slowly. Little cat immediately wanted to be friends but big cat was initially resistent. However they have bonded 18 months on. They play fight but they lick and groom one another. This never happened with big cat and his brother. Interestingly big cat is much more affectionate with me too.
Oh, and little cat is definitely boss cat. Big cat gently rolls his eyes and puts up with it!

Thanks @ilovesooty - love the picture! How did you know that the surviving cat was missing his brother? What was the time frame between losing his brother and getting the kitten?

When I've had sibling cats and one has died, the other has been much happier, sad to say!

Having had a cat/cats for nearly 7 decades, I can honestly say that they seem to prefer being the only cat.

So though I'm sorry for your loss, I don't think you need to worry about your remaining cat.

We adopted 12 week old brother and sister, but sadly the brother died at only 16 weeks. Sis is rather feisty and playful, so after absolutely no research got another (boy) from the same rescue the very next day.

Also ignoring all advice, we basically just plonked him in the same room as our girl (supervised though) and let them get on with it. He is similarly feisty, so had a “I’m here now, deal with it” vibe.

I think it took about 2 hours before they were grooming each other, and they’ve been best buds ever since.

Not saying that will always work, and I suspect we were incredibly lucky that the personalities aligned. But it was surprisingly easy. We’ll never forget the lovely little fella that died though 💔, but glad we could give another handsome chap a happy home.

I wonder why they always try to get kittens to go in pairs?

Oh I’m so sorry that he died at 16 weeks, how sad :( I’m glad it worked out with the new kitten!

DCat2 (the remaining cat) is quiet and aloof. He and his brother did seem to get on well, would often go in and out together, would play in boxes together, but were very different in terms of character. DCat1 was very friendly, loving, funny, dopey, and would purr at anything. DCat2 is quiet, runs away from the kids, only likes to be stroked on his terms, and doesn’t like to sit on anyone. I don’t know if his character will change now his brother isn’t here. I don’t know if getting another kitten would really piss him off!!

So my poor DCat2 is having a terrible time.

As a complete freak accident, on Sunday (2 days after his brother died) he got stuck playing in a paper bag and managed to dash out of the house with the bag still attached to him (as I had the front door open whilst unloading the shopping out of the car).

He disappeared, I couldn't find him anywhere, and I had to call a friend to come and help. It took 90 minutes to find him (no longer attached to the bag) and I was beside myself. He was physically unharmed, but I think he is traumatised.

Since then he has barely left the house, in fact I haven't seen him go out at all. He must be going out to do his business as he's not using the litter tray, but he used to go over the wall into the neighbours garden and be out quite a bit, especially in the evenings. But now he is just sitting around or sleeping.

He has never been a very affectionate cat, and I'm trying to be patient and just wait for him to come to me. I got the kittens just after my relationship ended in Nov 2023 and I really miss having a cat to snuggle up with and keep me company :(

I think we are both quite traumatised, and probably both quite needy in our own ways but finding it difficult to know how to interact with the other!

Do you think he is ok? He is eating plenty, but it's so unlike him not to be going out and over the wall. But then again, he often used to do that with his brother.

He became quite listless and a couple of days after his brother died he just stood in the living room and cried for him. He then went and sat on next door's lawn where his brother had collapsed and sat crying there. I contacted the rescue a couple of days later having taken advice from his former fosterer and the people at the cattery.

I wanted a black male young adult cat but they hadn't got one so I was offered little cat who was then three weeks old. He was very confident and advanced and they were happy to let me have him at seven weeks. He'd been born in the rescue and was very well socialised.