*TW cat PTS* We put our cat to sleep today & I can't stop thinking about him

[Emma330912]

Hey all,
I think I just need to express how I feel
It was 7.30am this morning & I just keep thinking he's going to come walking down the stairs or into kitchen.
I went to work as a distraction after & I'm finding being at home really difficult, everyone is out which I think is making it feel worse.
I can be crying thinking of him then think I hear him at the window & think 'oh I better let him in, it's raining' then catch myself
Over the last few days seeing him in pain was horrible, I thought it was kinder to put him to sleep, now the guilt is overwhelming, I feel like he trusted me & I betrayed him, like i should of thought harder. The vets were so expensive though & insurance capped out a year ago. Although they agreed with my decision, there were other options from what I can remember, but no guarantees.
I keep thinking of him all alone at the vets
My youngest is having a sleepover tonight & I selfishly just want to ask him to come home, i won't, but he's a teenager & we have programme we watch together that would be so nice to do right now.
Its probably good I am on my own as I can just cry & process it all
It has hit me so much harder then I thought it would
He was the most amazing black cat with bright green eyes, his name was Star, he was such a character, we had him for 14 years & he had been through it all with us
I miss him so much, my chest actually hurts, it is rubbish that the decision had to be made too, there's so many conflicting feelings going around my head
I guess I'm wondering if people who have experienced similar felt the same?
Thank you

It's so hard. Let yourself be sad. You shared your life with a fabulous creature, and then you helped him in the kindest way possible when he was in pain and suffering. Often treatments that may or may not work are not in the best interests of an animal, but they help owners feel less guilty. You did the right thing in his death as you did in his life - you cared for his needs most of all.

Everything you are feeling is completely normal and I’ve felt them all each time I have had to make the decision. I have felt the hurt more than with any other loss. There’s something about their reliance on the choice you make that makes the grief so intense. Also the absolute integration to every element of your home life makes the hole so obvious and routines have to be relearned.

This is all because you loved them and they gave you love back. In the end you can hold that as the best memories, but you have the pain as the price.

Don’t feel bad about the choice. You made it with a good heart. Don’t feel silly about feeling the loss, that’s love.

Sending hugs. I remember feeling the same when I had to do the same for my elderly dog last year. I promise it does get better. The saying of better a week too early rather than a day too late helped me deal with my feelings of sadness x

I'm so sorry OP. Yes it's normal. I've had lots of pets and it's the same each time. You did what was best, to help Star through the final stage with love and without further suffering. Eventually the the tears are replaced with smiles and memories. But God it hurts at the time. Pets are the centre of the home and life can revolve around them, that's why they leave such a void. Routines and plans are worked around them. So for a while you can forget they've gone and find yourself having stop doing things, for me it was putting food back on the supermarket shelf whilst shopping the week after he'd died. Be kind to yourself x

Thank you all so much for your replies, it's helping a great deal reading them, I will keep referring to them when I'm low too, I'm so sorry for all your losses❤
Like when I've experienced grief with losing family members, its coming in waves, right now I'm in bed, watching the food channel & feel somewhat at peace with my decision, but I know when I go downstairs to make a tea & see the space where his bowls were I'll crumble a bit. No matter where he was upstairs, the minute I started walking down the stairs he'd come out of nowhere & walk really slowly in front of me, I used to joke he was trying to kill me😆He was so clever too! It's like he knew when you were talking about him❤Thank you guys, I feel that little less alone with it all, I guess I just have to sit with these feelings & like PPs have said, acknowledge that they all come from love X

I understand, OP. We had options for our beautiful girl that would have prolonged her life, but not cured her cancer. We chose to PTS, because she would have found trailing back and forth to the vet for chemo really horrible and distressing. It was such a hard, hard decision to make, but I think we did the best by her - even though it was the worst thing for us. It sounds like you did the same.

We’re seven months on and I still miss her so much. (We adopted a little boy cat shortly after we said goodbye to her and he’s rescued me rather than the other way round.)

Oh my lovely. You have acted out of love and compassion. No guilt. You are suffering now as you have made the decision not to allow your pet to suffer. And there may have been other options but they won’t have been a cure and are very very likely to have inflicted suffering to try and get a few extra days or weeks. We want our pets to be with us forever. But the aim needs to be for them to have the very best life for as long as it can be good.
But it’s hard. Look after yourself.

I had my beloved old tom pts 18 months ago, he'd made it to 24. I miss him every day but I look at it as my last act of love and kindness to him. I hope your memories of Star and the lovely life you had with him help you.(He'll be waiting for you somewhere)x

We put to sleep our dear cat this week too. She was 18 and a half and absolutely beloved by the entire family.
She had declined so much that the vet said she didn't want her to go on much more than a day or so and I had agreed with my DH that he would take her home to say goodbye to the children & return to the vets the following day( I was away with work ). Even though there wasn't really a choice, my DH broke down and couldn't take her and I had to dart back from my trip from work to take her together.
I miss her terribly - keep waiting to see her little face appear.
I keep trying to think of the happy memories - and all the joy she brought us
Sending love xxx

I'm so sorry to hear about your gorgeous cat.
We had to have our 9 year old, born on the streets feral cat put to sleep on July 15th this year.
It is so hard , he was a cantankerous, awkward grumpy boy, but I think a lot of it was fear based, but we still miss him so much.
He was also a wanderer who left home for days or weeks at a time.
He came home on the 14th after 10 days away, and it was obvious something was drastically wrong.He had lost so much weight and couldn't eat.
We took him to the vet and she found a massive tumour in his gut.He wasn't a cat you could touch or stroke, but I still felt very guilty.
We had him put to sleep there and then
I'm still upset 4 months later.
Take care of yourself, we all understand how you feel.

I understand, I truly do. I had my wonderful boy put to sleep on Tuesday and I'm beating myself up. I keep torturing myself with questions. Did I do the right thing. Was I too hasty. Why did I leave him on his own to be put to sleep. Did I let him down. This is my 3rd cat in a year that has passed over. I'm bereft.

Thank you all for sharing your experiences with the grief & struggles with the decision❤ As horrible as it is, as I feel the pain, it's giving me a lot of comfort knowing other people have gone through it & struggled with it❤I know that sounds horrible & I don't mean it to! Just that it seems to be a normal response. Because everything happened so quickly in the moment, I didn't think about all these feelings & doubts I'd have after, but thank you all so much for your kind words, they've helped a great deal X

@robinsnest1967 it's such an overwhelming feeling isn't it. Last night my chest felt so heavy with it all. For what it's worth I'm sure you did do the right thing, & what I keep telling myself is, a vet wouldn't do it unless they also thought it necessary or the best option in the interest of the pet Xx

So sorry for your loss @Emma330912

I have the opposite. Our 8 year old ginger tom has a stomach tumour. The vet gave him a steroid injection which gave us a few more weeks with him (it was over Christmas) but he went downhill. We didn't book his final appointment soon enough and he died at home. I wish so much I could go back and give him a better ending.
For his brother, we were able to do that, although it was an emergency out of hours vet visit as he collapsed at home. He'd had hyperthyroidism for many years and it was too much for his heart and other organs.
It truly is better a day too early than one too late 💐

Thank you & sorry you had to go through that, I guess there's no perfect ending & we all have to hold on to the love we shared with them❤Star had hyperthyroidism too, weight would just fall off him & he was sick a lot. I know logically I probably done the right thing but there's that gut wrenching feeling when I think about it❤ but again reading & re reading replies helps me to manage the feelings a bit better xx

Hi Emma, you did the right thing, and gave him the greatest gift you could, the love to be strong and help him when he needed it the most.
I hope all our support has eased your sadness a bit.
I think it's a normal part of grief, did Ido enough, why didn't I fight for him more.
I asked our wonderful vet if there was anything at all that she could do.She could have given him about a week extra with a strong steroid.
I couldn't bear to see him suffer for another minute, so made the decision.I'm still questioning myself even now.
I honestly felt as though I had just thrown him away like a piece of rubbish.This still makes me cry even now
Take care, be kind to yourself.
He knew you loved him x

Thank you, the posts really do help to ease the sadness & also have validated & helped me rationalise my feelings, Sorry you had to make that decision too❤ it's all so tough, I am so thankful I posted as it has been such a support, I can't really talk about him/the decision to put him to sleep yet without choking up so getting my feelings out in text really helps xx

So so sorry Emma and everyone else here. I've had to take the decision a few times over the years and it is always devastating. Vets always give you options even when it is time and I always ask myself whether it was too soon/too late. They are such loved and loving family members