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I think we need to say goodbye to one of our cats

20 replies

DontCallMeBaby · 17/11/2024 11:16

I have two cats, brothers, aged 15. One was diagnosed with diabetes nearly three years ago. It’s been up and down ever since, with his diabetes never really controlled - according to the numbers, but he’s had periods of apparently good health. He’s also had bouts of pancreatitis and various other things.

He also has a tentative diagnosis of lymphoma - tentative because the vet won’t do the necessary biopsy as his health is so poor he wouldn’t be able to cope. So he’s on a chemo drug for that. He’s also had a course of steroids despite the diabetes (we put his insulin dose up for the duration).

At the moment he seems very thin, though perhaps not at the lowest weight he’s been. His coat is a mess - clumped, greasy and dandruffy. The contrast with his brother, who is sleek and plump, is heartbreaking.

He has over the last week or so pooed in a washing basket and on the bed, and weed on a suitcase. He also appears to have sprayed up the back of his brother’s set of steps (arthritis) in our room. The diabetes means he’s a copious pee-er so it soaked the carpet.

I’m really conscious that the messes are unpleasant and it makes me feel like we might put him down because he’s an inconvenience … I hate that thought. But it’s also all such a bad sign when he’s always been your typical clean cat. I also don’t want him to end his life with us resenting him because he makes messes everywhere. We keep on top of his litter tray and try to keep him downstairs as upstairs seems to confuse him these days. He has intractable diarrhoea and frequently gets his tail or feet in it.

I have no idea what his quality of life really is. He does sleep a lot but that’s normal for a cat - often on the kitchen or hall floor or threadbare carpet. He’d be welcome on the sofas but never hops up, and he’s banned from two out of three bedrooms because of the peeing etc. The third is the other cat’s territory. He’ll still be picked up for a cuddle but seems less content with it than he did. He often just stands in random places and does nothing. He has cataracts but makes his way around okay. Doesn’t really go outside any more.

Having just read a post about a much older cat that can still jump - he can also still jump. He’s obsessed with our food and will jump from floor to table (with varying success), onto various surfaces to steal food and lick things. I do worry he’ll hurt himself doing this. He does fall back down onto his back legs when standing though (diabetic neuropathy) and his tail is always down.

The two are my first pets and I’ve always thought that the ability to have an animal put down when the time was right was a gift. I still do but now it’s no longer abstract it’s so hard. If I’m honest I sometimes wish he’d go properly downhill and make the decision easier - which is awful. Or that he’d just slip away of his own accord. But I think it may be time? Everything medically contradicts everything else, and it doesn’t feel like he’s going to improve in any meaningful way.

Not sure what I want from this post … maybe writing it all out has helped. I think it might have done. At the very least I’ll be calling the vet tomorrow for a conversation and for him to be looked over.

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caringcarer · 17/11/2024 11:34

Don't feel guilty you have given this kitty a lovely life and home for 15 years and it sounds like his life is not so good now. A vet once told me my cats good days were all in the past and his worse days were ahead. It made me realise I needed to let him go and be at peace. Do you really think your cats best days are in his past? If so the way you describe it's time to let him go to be at peace. He won't enjoy living his life like he is.

DontCallMeBaby · 17/11/2024 12:08

That’s made more sense than I could have anticipated. Yes, his best days are in the past, but so are his brother’s (and maybe mine …) … the difference is I don’t think he has even any good days ahead of him.

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Toddlerteaplease · 17/11/2024 13:28

It does sound like it's time. He's had a great life with you.

Judystilldreamsofhorses · 17/11/2024 15:38

We had our lovely girl pts earlier this year as she had confirmed lymphoma. Her only symptom was frequent vomiting, and she had no weight loss, no appetite reduction, no behavioural changes at all. I couldn’t bear the idea of all that ahead for her, and also the misery of chemo/vet visits/distress that would have prolonged her life but not cured her. It was awful as she was only ten, and we loved her so, so much. But i know she had the absolute best, happiest life with us. It sounds like time for your cat, OP, and while it is heartbreaking it is the last act of love.

DontCallMeBaby · 18/11/2024 11:43

Thank you both. He and I are taking a trip to the vet this afternoon for a checkup and chat. I told the receptionist I wanted a second opinion on whether it’s time to call it a day and suddenly got a very sympathetic tone of voice 😭

I do expect him to come home with me unless they find anything catastrophic - I think we need to get our heads round it, and decide who wants to be with him. Also to let him eat all the things he’s not meant to!

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MrsMitford3 · 18/11/2024 11:48

I have just let my darling girl go-on Halloween so a few weeks ago.

The vet very kindly said it was time to let her go-I knew in my heart it was exactly the best thing for her even though I wanted to hang on to her for me.

It sounds like you also know in your heart that he is not going to get better-only worse.

You have given him a brilliant life-It is terribly hard but you must advocate for your darling boy.

Good luck.

FeelingSad2024 · 18/11/2024 18:49

We had to put our 18 year old cat to sleep earlier this year. She too started to become thin and frail (she had thyroid problems which medication couldn't improve). She also started weeing in the house, several times daily, and on one occasion I found her lying on the kitchen floor lying in her wee. I knew then that it was time to let her go as her quality of life was so poor.

Our vet pointed out to us that cats are very clean animals and don't like to 'go' where they live, so for us that was the sign that it was the beginning of the end

Sending you strength and hugs, it is so hard to do the right thing but it will be for the best

DontCallMeBaby · 18/11/2024 22:27

He did come home with me ❤️ The vet started out with all sorts of options and was very circumspect about putting him to sleep but I said I think we’ve come to the end. She went off to get a second opinion and came back a bit more certain that anything we did now would only give him a little more time. She’s seen him once before but there are two other vets who know him better, so she may have spoken to one of them.

So we have a very short course of steroids to make him feel a bit better, but I’m going to call tomorrow for one last appointment 😢

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SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 18/11/2024 22:32

Bless his heart, it's time for him to go. You've given him a wonderful life by the sound of it, and you'll always remember him. Sending hugs. x

Judystilldreamsofhorses · 18/11/2024 22:39

So sorry, OP, it’s really hard and horrible. Our girl was so “well” (except for the big fast growing cancer) that it felt unbearable - on her last week she slept in our bed every night instead of in the kitchen like usual, she had tuna, ham, Philadelphia, all the Dreamies, and was running about in the garden like a mad thing. I still expect to see her come rushing down the stairs at the back when I look out the kitchen window.

We had a private cremation and have her ashes by a lovely framed photo in the hearth. I tell our little orange wrecking ball (her successor) she’s watching him. I also got the vet to take her paw prints and had one done as a tattoo. Not for everyone but I really love having her stamped on me.

DontCallMeBaby · 19/11/2024 09:26

He’s leaving us this afternoon. I intended to make it Thursday or Friday but he’s so weak and wobbly. Won’t eat so can’t get the steroids into him.

Here he is a few years ago. I’m favouriting some pics of him (thanks to iOS’s spooky ability to correctly recognise the cats) and have only got up to 2019 🙂

I think we need to say goodbye to one of our cats
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Sunraysunday · 19/11/2024 09:29

I’m sorry OP. Sounds like the best thing but it’s so hard x

Frenchfemme · 19/11/2024 10:35

Hard though it is, you have made the best decision for your lovely boy. All he will know is that he was loved. Thinking of you 💜🐾

DontCallMeBaby · 19/11/2024 13:40

He went so quickly and peacefully. I can’t stop crying.

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1984Winston · 19/11/2024 13:56

I'm so sorry, he was gorgeous and sounds well loved, you did the right thing for him even though it hurts ((hugs))

Breadcat24 · 19/11/2024 14:22

sorry he was beautiful

Mia184 · 19/11/2024 18:32

What a gorgeous boy! I‘m sorry for your loss!

Puppylucky · 19/11/2024 19:19

I'm so sorry for your loss - he was beautiful ❤️

Judystilldreamsofhorses · 19/11/2024 20:24

So sorry, what a handsome lad he was 🤍

DontCallMeBaby · 19/11/2024 20:50

Looking at those older photos is helping as it shows what a shadow of his former self he’d become. He was 5kg in his slightly tubby prime, under 3kg yesterday.

Thank you, this is such a kind corner of Mumsnet.

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