When does it get easier?

[Cannedheat1999]

I’m still so so sad after loosing my beautiful girl. I cry every day. I see her all over the house. How long was it before this deep sadness passed?

I am so sorry for your loss, how long ago did it happen?
I lost my little love in January, some days it's bearable and some days Iiss him so much it hurts, thinking I will never see him again.
I am hoping time helps heal, though I am also considering the Blue Cross bereavement service.
We are all here for you at the Litter Tray, please share your story if you would like to 💐

Sorry, just found your thread on Metacam for Arthritis when you talk about your little one, and I can see from that it's still very early days, so sending an unMumsnetty hug. Did she stay at the vets or did you bring her home for burial? Making some sort of marker like planting something in remembrance in her favourite spot may help. But it's early days, allow yourself sadness, you have lost your love and it's normal to feel wretched

So sorry, OP. We lost our girl in April - she was only ten and it feels like we were robbed of her. She had stomach cancer and we had her pts as soon as we had the diagnosis, despite her being “well” in herself. I couldn’t bear to think of her suffering (it couldn’t be cured and the prognosis even with treatment was 12 months) but still wonder if we went too soon, and in fact robbed her.

It’s absolutely awful, and I miss her every day. But it’s not the terrible, heart-wrenching grief from the start. I hope we did the right thing for her, and I know she was so, so loved, and had the absolute best life with us - that gives me some comfort. We got some photos printed out and framed, including a lovely wee collage I put together. In the fireplace we have her ashes in a fancy urn thing, with a big framed photo, and the small collage is on the mantelpiece next to where I always light a candle at night. There’s another photo on the mantelpiece where my DP works from home. She’s everywhere. I had the vet take paw prints and got one done as a tattoo on my arm. She’s on me, and in my heart. It’s got easier. Could any of those things work for you?

We adopted a wee boy very soon after saying goodbye to her. I know it’s not for everyone but it’s what I needed. He was a stray kitten found in a woman’s shed, and it was an excellent project for me to get him to become a lovely little lapcat. He’s a devil, and a delight, and I am so glad he’s here. I love him so much - I think she sent him to me really. I spent long hours sitting on the kitchen floor with him in his first weeks here telling him stories, and it paid dividends for him and for me. He knows he’s here because she isn’t, and that she is keeping an eye on him from the hearth! I love seeing him in her spots, particularly now it’s colder - one year she had black singed whiskers because she flew too close to the radiator, and the other day I thought he might burn his.

Can you tell us any more about your lovely cat? What was her name? Our girl was Saffy, and I feel so, so lucky to have had seven years (we adopted her when she was three) with her. Our little ginger thug has big paws to fill.

I am so for your loss, op. The only thing that helped me was adopting another cat. He was hard work at first so it took my mind off the sadness and slowly I have been able to just think about the good times and not about the sad ending.

My new cat is so different. It took a while to adjust to having a totally different cat. A year later and I think it was the best thing. He is settled and happy and I love him so much. We refer to my previous cat as his auntie. We talk about her all the time.

That's a lovely message, @Judystilldreamsofhorses

I lost my beautiful cat at the end of September. She was almost 14, and had Stage 4 kidney disease. I spent the summer caring for her, knowing that my efforts were palliative, but hoping she would defy all the medical odds.

I still feel like I function in the world but am broken hearted on the inside. Sometimes I think I'll never be happy again.

I have her pawprints and fur, and her ashes in a lovely wooden box. I was also thinking about whether I would get two of her pawprints as a tattoo. Did you bring a copy of the paw prints with you for the tattoo artist to copy?

I asked on Instagram for recommendations (I do have another tattoo but the guy who did it has moved away and opened his own studio in a different city) and messaged the artist who came up as doing a lot of animal work after having a nosy at her feed, then sent her photos. We met a couple of weeks later for a consultation and I brought the card with the prints, which she took photos of to make up a transfer, then I went back the following week. I always called her (cat not tattoo lady) “my sweetest little heart” so I drew some hearts and got one of those underneath too. I love it so much. I’m sorry about your lovely cat 🐾

It’s good to hear that it’s not just me. It’s only been two weeks but I feel lost without her

I’m still having a cry everyday and missing her so much. If anything I’m sadder now and it still feels so weird

Me too 😕
I feel like I'm functioning on the outside and completely broken-hearted on the inside.

so sorry-how long has it been for you?

It will be a year in December since I lost my old girl. We had her pts as her kidneys were failing and she was on her way out.

l miss her so much, there is a cat shaped hole in my heart but the pain isn’t as raw as it was. It was truly, truly awful for about a month and eased off slowly after that. I still have a cry about her when I stop and think about her. Especially with everything she loved eg the first time lighting the fire this autumn, getting a delivery in a box, tissue paper in presents.

It will ease, I promise, but it will take time. Blue Cross bereavement support sounds amazing. I didn’t use it but posted on here and everyone was lovely and really understood.

It’s bloody awful and I am so sorry for your loss.

On her way out is an awful turn of phrase, I am sorry if that’s upset anyone. My way of coping is to be a bit flippant.

So sorry for your loss
I found the rawness dimmed after about 6 months but I still have moments of sadness even now
My last loss was a grey and white boy Reuben - now have a grey boy Finlay and it’s made me very nervous if he’s unwell or stays out too long
Hope the mists start to lift for you soon

@Pudmyboy I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. You are always so lovely and enthusiastic on other people's cat threads I do hope you find another little furry soulmate of your own.

@Cannedheat1999 , thank you for asking, it's been almost 8 weeks. While the raw pain has subsided, in that I'm not thinking about her constantly and crying throughout the day, I feel I've just been left in quiet despair. I might laugh or smile in the moment, but I don't come away feeling happy - the good moments are surface-level and fleeting. I am following the advice to keep putting one foot in front of the other, but it is so exhausting just getting through the day. I think I'm still in a bit of shock that it all happened. 😕