I know, I know this could have happened any time but it didn't happen while I was at home to protect my beloved bufoonish hulk of a ginger boy,who had just turned 9 and had loads of life to live.
DH and I went away for half term. Resented person number one . I didn't want to go away but DH (teacher) has a two week half term (I have one and wanted to slop around getting hair done,sitting about and resting really) and we didn't get a sunbathing holiday in the summer so he really pushed going away. I have just had an operation but in the end I acceded without a huge amount of enthusiasm. (as it goes it was cloudy nearly all the time)
When we have gone away before cats have generally been looked after by DSs 1 and 2 if they are home. DS2 (20) is the more reliable , responsible and generally cautious. He is currently at uni so only DS1 (23) was home. Resented person number 2. DS1 loves the cats but tends to think my rules about not letting them out after dark and always getting them in are a bit over fussy (or used to). I left explicit instructions saying the cat could no longer jump up at his 'let me in, humans' window and that if DS wasn't sitting in the kitchen at night he would need to prevent him going out after dark what with clock change,
So , off we went.
On the very first day of our holiday , DS phoned and put me on to our lovely NDN who helped him explain that out beautiful boy had been found dead that morning outside our house,probably knocked down and trying to crawl home. DS said he had rattled Dreamies and called for the cat lots of times the night before and expected to find him annoyed at the back door the next morning. When this didn't happen he found him when he was going to knock on a few doors. This must have been devastating for poor DS who then had neighbours help him take the cat to a vet where the poor cat has been all week waiting for me to go and say good bye.
I am so preoccupied with thoughts of my terrified, lonely cat trying to get home to safety with no one looking out for him to let him in, probably in dreadful pain and I wasn't there . If I had been there, I am 90 percent sure he would have been inside and safe , pawing at the door indignantly to try and get out and swatting my foot for food. He had almost certainly tried to get in a few times that evening and then after not succeeding , I guess went off to hunt for food (although it's a it odd he didn't just set up base camp on our patio chairs)
I don't want to blame anyone (except the driver but I don't know who that is and that's all a mystery. Dcat didn't ever cross the quite busy road and wasn't found near the road so I suspect a delivery driver on our drive) but I can't get rid of this ball of anger in my stomach and I miss my darling boy too much. I know DS feels awful and saw a terrible thing. It could have happened at 5 pm for all anyone knows and that's why dcat didn't come back earlier.
Sorry for the long post. I guess I need to let out what I can't say IRL. I still have his sweet sister who has already cuddled me this morning. My previous cat was PTS so I have never dealt with this level of unexpected grief and shock before. I just keep staring at photos of him but he isn't here in the house taking up an entire recliner, snoozing.