Just letting it all out

[Puppylucky]

Hi
I'm posting here because I'm really struggling at the moment and don't have anyone to share my feelings with. As I have mentioned here before my young boy Elton has stage 3 CKD. His latest blood and urine tests are continuing to show a decline in his kidney function despite him being on a variety of drugs / renal diet. The vets are very kind but the message is clear that things aren't great and getting worse
However, no one has told Elton that. He is growing up into an energetic, athletic and very curious cat who is into everything. As a Mau he is naturally a territorial hunter and he loves being outside. We have a small cat proof garden which has kept him happy over the summer but now he has realised that there is a wide world outside the front door which he is desperate to explore. Even if he wasn't unwell this would be a no no as we live very centrally and he wouldn't last five minutes. Unfortunately he is now obsessed with escaping. He sits by the front door crying all day and when we go out we have to distract him with treats and make a run for it. Even so, I am terrified that he will find a way out. We are supposed to go on holiday at the end of November and I am really reluctant to go as he is now not only a very ill cat who could get sicker at any time, but also one who could easily escape if the sitters aren't constantly alert.
The responsibility of everything just feels too much now. I'm trying to keep him safe and happy and healthy as he can be but nothing is working. My DH is loving and supportive but it feels like it mostly falls to me as I WFH so am with him 24/7.
There is nothing anyone can do but thank you for letting me pour this out anyway.

No advice but I’m so sorry. That sounds incredibly tough on you.

Thank you so much @EmpressaurusDeiGatti

What a beautiful boy. You replied to my post about FIV cats, and I see you've cat-proofed your garden, so what's the worry?

Hi @CallYourselfAChef . Yes we have cat proofed the garden which gives him some outside space but he's going crazy to get out the front door now as well, which isn't possible as we live in the centre of town. We need to do something to try and give him extra stimulation as he's clearly very bored. I have decided against getting another cat as he has no previous exposure and might hate it so we are going to look at harness training so that he can get out with supervision. Although knowing Elton it will be impossible as he doesn't take kindly to new experiences!

I hope all goes well with your boy wearing a harness. He's very handsome

I’m really sorry about his diagnosis. It must be very hard to bear.
Im not clear though that there is any connection between the kidney disease and the thwarted desire to go out of the front door? Sounds like he wouldn’t be able to go out even if in full health.
Can you add things to the back garden to make it more enriching…a little den, ledges to balance on, a hammock etc

We used to have a front door escapee. We ended up putting her food bowls in the hallway and using the internal kitchen door as a barrier so we could go in and out the back door with relative ease. Even though she passed away several years ago we all still use the back door. Is that a possibility for you?

And I'm sorry to hear about his illness. Nobody told our little girl she was sick either. Physically it was way past time for her to go but she just wasn't ready. I hear you 💕

@EmpressaurusDeiGatti
@Galliano
Apologies I have accidentally tagged you both and can't amend but in answer to Galliano, there isn't really a connection between Elton wanting to be let out and his kidney disease other than feeling like a failure, because I can't keep him healthy or happy.
Anyway the idea getting him some more toys for the garden is a great one - just to give him another space to explore so thanks so much!

I asked because if it was related to the kidney disease that you weren't setting him out I'd say let him out anyway. But I do understand what a worry the roads are - I have two out the back door only cats but we are lucky in having a garden with many little areas on different levels. If you look at deluxe catios they do have quite a lot of accessories that you could copy without building a catio given your garden is secure e.g.
protectapet.com/collections/cat-toys

Is he food motivated - would puzzles with treats or even just kibble distract him?

Gorgeous Elton 😻

We cat proofed our back garden for Harry. Because of the layout of our maisonette if we shut him out of the hall he couldn't get into the bedroom. DH put in an extra temporary door to create a 'cat lock' so we could get in and out and he could still have the run of the place.

Edited to add you are in no way a failure. Elton has the loving home and family he always deserved. I do know how you feel, I felt guilty every time Harry was poorly.

He's not massively food motivated. We've tried puzzle feeders but he isn't overly keen - plus his manky front paws mean that some toys are beyond him as he can't use them to hook the food out. He's not exactly the most playful cat anyway - he takes life very seriously! But the garden accessories are a great idea thanks for the link

Thank you so much @PinkSparklyPussyCat that is a very kind thing to say and means a lot.