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Join our community of cat lovers on the Mumsnet Cat forum for kitten advice and help with cat behaviour.

Original poster

Not bonded with my new cat

9 replies

SnaggingList · 11/10/2024 09:18

My lovely old cat died last year aged 17. The kids have been really keen to get another kitten and this summer I agreed.

Our new kitten is lovely- friendly, funny, very curious and sweet. But we've had him three months now and I don't feel bonded to him at all- it feels like I'm looking after someone else's cat.

It's all ok- he's having a lovely time, the kids love him and I'm happy to have him and be affectionate to him. But I wondered whether anyone else had experienced this and whether you grew more bonded over time? I think maybe I'm unfairly comparing my feelings with those I had for my old cat and obviously you can't expect the same feelings overnight. But it would be nice to think that they will grow. I'm worried I was still grieving my old cat, in fact I definitely was.

OP posts:
CocoapuffPuff · 11/10/2024 09:25

Give it time. He sounds very happy, you don't need to be bonded to him. You just need to look after him properly and treat him well. He may well bond with one of your kids instead, and that's OK.

cheezncrackers · 11/10/2024 09:25

You're probably still grieving your old boy and no two cats are the same. I wouldn't put pressure on yourself to feel the same way about any two cats tbh. My DM has had loads over the years and she's definitely had her favourites. Give your kitten time too - his personality is still developing and he's still got a lot of maturing to do. Over time, you may find that you develop a lovely bond with him, like you did with your old cat.

Heretodayblownawaytomorrow · 11/10/2024 09:27

Think it's taken nearly 4 years to find much appealing about ours! One of our pair died and existing dcat was distraught.. Got a dkitten. Wasn't keen as we have 4 ddogs and starting integrating a tiny thing was beyond my schedule tbh!! Worked out well for dcat. And dkitten is fine with the ddogs. She's a sweet thing - she doesn't know I wasn't bothered about her!!

Judystilldreamsofhorses · 11/10/2024 12:33

We adopted our boy very quickly (indecently quickly) after losing our lovely girl unexpectedly with a surprise cancer diagnosis/PTS.

Initially I just felt that he was "the wrong cat" and I was worried we had made a mistake. It was a mix of grief and him being unsure/young/a different cat/having been through a lot of disruption in a short time. Six months almost to the day, and I can confidently say he is the right cat, very much our cat (my cat really!) and we love him so much, even though he brought a half dead mouse in the other day!

It's taken quite an investment in terms of patience as he is an ex stray kitten, but he's now a lovely cuddly boy who hops up on the sofa beside me - very different to the hissing, frightened cat who arrived. I still miss our girl SO much and he will never replace her, and I am glad he's a very different cat. I think you will get there with your cat, OP, but per PP, if you don't and he bonds with another family member and you never feel like you did with your previous cat, that's fine too. The cat has a safe home with people who love him and take care of him.

motherofonegirl · 11/10/2024 12:40

Give it time, your feelings will grow in time - unlike physically having a baby, you don't suddenly produce hormones which make you feel bonded in the same way. You will have forgotten that your love for you old cat grew over time. In addition you will still be grieving your old cat and will naturally compare your feelings for each cat. Be kind to yourself and enjoy the experience of learning to love a new cat.

TheShellBeach · 11/10/2024 12:42

It does take time to get used to a new cat.
I find it takes many months before I can say I love one.

But you'll find your love grows for your kitten. You're still grieving your lovely old cat. Don't be hard on yourself.

TiredTeaBag · 11/10/2024 13:09

I have two cats under a year old.

It has been a shock to me that they are not lap cats in the slightest.

Having previously had a soppy old cat who was my shadow, who slept in my bed every night and liked sitting on my shoulders, and then finally died of very old age in my arms.... I've had to respect these two totally different personalities.

They are both fabulous, playful, cute, and magnificent in every way, but utterly ambivalent toward me unless I actually have chicken in my hands.... so I just admire them.

But I feel your pain OP. It's not quite the love affair I expected, but I do adore cats so much that I still get joy from sharing a house with the pompous little arses.

VWAirbag · 11/10/2024 20:59

Thanks for being so reassuring and kind, everyone.

Renamed · 11/10/2024 22:23

They are all so different! And some of them will be delighted to have cuddles straight off, and SOME of them like to communicate in very different ways (like getting in through the top bedroom window, which should be impossible, and leaping down on you at 5 am). This was years ago now and my dearest loves snuggling up at bedtime, and then at an inconveniently early hour while she waits patiently for her breakfast…

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