Hi - please be gentle, I'm struggling with this..
Our lovely cat is nearly 5 years old. We have had him since he was a kitten - he found us, we had never discussed getting a cat, but he arrived and so we kept him. No history, he was a stray baby.
From day one, it has been a hard task.
He is, sometimes, really, really, sweet. He'll be affectionate on his terms, he'll give you a head bump, in the last year or so he's even voluntarily sat on my lap. That melts my heart. He loves to make biscuits, and his purr is so loud.
All of the good things used to happen far more. He was comfortable in the house, garden, and beyond.
He's always been a cat who likes to test his boundaries. He will scratch the furniture (we got rid of all of our furniture within months of having him, and replaced it with second-hand, already marked stuff). He is a hunter, and a good one, too - we hate that. I know it's a natural instinct, but it's awful.
In the last year, though, he has become scared to come in the house (he sleeps in the lean-to, it's warm and safe, and he can come in to the house if he wants). He walks around with his ears back, really nervous. In the day time, he doesn't leave either the lean-to or the garden. He used to disappear all day and we'd not see him between breakfast and dinner. Now he won't leave - until 9pm, then he'll vanish.
When he is out at night, he will return at 4.30am and meow, constantly, at the bedroom window (bungalow) which is open as we both hate having no air. He will persist until he is let in. We don't have a cat flap, for various reasons but the most prolific being that we don't have anywhere to fit one (glass doors, or brick walls). And I'm not convinced he would use one, anyway - I had to take the door off of his litter tray because it scared him. So, we try now and keep him in, and encourage him to be out all day, this works maybe two nights a week. Then what happens is he goes out at 6am, back by 10am, in all day, doesn't want to go out then until 9pm at the earliest, and won't come back until 4.30am. If we keep him in, he meows to be let out, usually around midnight, sometimes also 3am - we try and ignore it, but it's bloody hard.
My partner feels bad when he is at the window during the day asking to come in, so lets him in, of course. I get up 5.30/6am, so the 4.30am wake up is not good. My partner WFH and comes to bed between midnight and 2am - the cat has access up until he comes to bed, and he tries to call him in but nothing.
So, neither of us has slept through the night for more than 2 nights a week in probably close to 3 years (he was better at staying in when he was younger/was happy to sleep in his bed in the garage).
I feel like something has happened, either a local owned cat is bullying him during the day (hence not leaving the premises), or something else has scared him. He is not a happy cat anymore, he doesn't relax well, the affection is less. I am filled with guilt because he seems so sad. He is eating ok, not as much as he used to, but he's not skinny..
So, I have registered to rehome him via a Home Direct scheme. He has his vet check tomorrow. I'm ok with all of this. But how, how do I take him, when I get the call to say someone wants him - how do I do that? I break down whenever I think about it. How do I trust that he's going somewhere safe and loving? How do I know that he will be ok? Will I ever know how he is? Will he forgive me?
Honestly, I'm broken, but I can't think of anything else we can do.
HAs anyone ever given up their cat? How did you cope? How was it? I'm scared, for him and for me.
Sorry for the long post..