Dealing with conflict

[MrTiddlesTheCat]

Mr Tiddles is a massive, much loved, extremely dozy, black cat. A year ago a young stray attached himself to us and moved himself in. At first all was fine. But as the stray settled and got more confident, he started to bother Mr Tiddles and Old Lady cat. Old Lady cat takes no shit so the stray (Little Shit) avoids her as much as he can. Unfortunately, despite being twice his size, Mr Tiddles is a wuss and is now absolutely terrified of Little Shit.

We've tried feliway but DS is allergic too it and got very poorly, very quickly. Then we tried having special hidey holes for Mr Tiddles where Little Shit couldn't ambush him. It seemed to work for a while but recently Mr Tiddles has been staying out for longer and longer periods and I'm really starting to worry that he's getting his paws under the table somewhere else.

He came back this morning after being gone for 8 days. So I've locked him in the attic. The attic is massive, with stairs up to a door. Like you see in American horror movies. Would it be cruel to keep him locked up there for a while with a litter tray and food and water, and plenty of visits? I want him to start to feel safe again. DH thinks he'll be fine and once he's settled we can put a chipped catflap on the door so he can come and go but Little Shit can't follow him.

Any other ideas on how to handle this? I don't want to rehome Little Shit if I can avoid it as DS is very attached to him.

We have a current feline conflict as well and my vet recommended stuff from Purina called Calming Care. You mix it in with their food. We've only just started on it, and it takes 30 days to work properly but I think I've seen some improvement already.

Which cat do you give it too? The young one who thinks it's fun to ambush and jump on the others. Or the older one who completely freaks out at being 'attacked'.

I was told to give it to poor Emmeline who is feeling traumatized by Max. We also bought them calming collars but, though they smell nice, I'm not sure they have done a whole lot.

Mine don't wear collars. We live too close to the forest. Way too much tree climbing going on.

I really wouldn't lock him anywhere - especially not in this heat. Mine would be so, so stressed to find themselves shut away like that.

If you can't use Feliway then what about Pet Remedy? The smell isn't brilliant but it really works and it's much, much cheaper - about £10 a bottle and it lasts forever.

I'll have a look at the Pet Remedy. It's the carrier oil in the feliway that DS is allergic to. It's a parafin based oil. I'll see what Pet Remedy uses.

I don't want to lock him in. I'm just so worried that he'll disappear again and won't come back. I'm torn between keeping him here and letting him out to go where he feels safer. But it breaks my heart that 'safe' isn't here.

Zylkene may help a bit. You just break open the capsule & scatter the powder on their food - mine rather like the taste!

Can the garden be cat-proofed so they have outdoor access but can't bugger off to the neighbours?

A bit of an update. I didn't keep him locked in. He was sad and scrabbling to get out. I decided that if he felt safer moving in somewhere else then I had to suck up my sadness and set him free.

Except he hasn't moved out as I expected. I've no idea where he was those 8 days or what happened, but it seems to have utterly spooked him. He hasn't left the house at all since. We've had to reinstate the litter tray to stop him peeing on the bathroom mat.

He seems happy enough. Eating, sleeping and cuddling. But he just won't go out. Just stands at the open door looking out. Or on the window sill watching the world go by.

Oh poor Mr Tiddles, he obviously gave himself a fright going missing, or something happened to scare him, and so he wants to stay close for a bit. He may get over it as time passes, or you can try some supervised trips to the garden. But if he seems happy enough inside leave him peering out the window.

Are he and Little S getting on better since he got back?

I'm having the same issue with my two. He's not aggressive, he just wants to play.

Mr Tiddles is getting bolder. He's taken to sleeping on the sofa rather than in a corner under it. Yesterday there was a moment where he'd normally run and hide but dreamies were coming so he stayed put. Little S came close and then just sat down waiting for dreamies too. So that was a tiny improvement.