First time cat owner - a few questions

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Have adopted an 11 yo rescue cat, and had him for 10 days. I'm worried that he isn't happy with us because we were told by the charity he was very affectionate and wanted to be close to humans, but that's isn't what we're finding. He doesn't seem to like being stroked, and will tolerate it. Sometimes he'll attempt to bite or scratch us at these times. Could this be something that we're doing wrong? He appeared to be very affectionate for the first few days, but now is fairly stand offish. One of my concerns is that we shut him out of our bedroom; he doesn't protest, but I worry that we aren't meeting his emotional needs?

He does like to play, so we have lots of toys. He eats really well, and runs to the kitchen as soon as he hears any rustling. The charity told us that he ate 2 pouches of Whiskas ocean selection each day, plus 2 cat yoghurts, plus a few Dreamies. Is this too much? Do you think he looks fat? He does 2 to 3 poos a day on average, and is very good about using the litter tray.

What do those of you who are experienced with cats think? Might be bond with us more over time, and become the affectionate cat we were told to expect? How to stop the bitey/scratchy behaviour that manifests when we try to pet him (really gently and slowly).

I would give him more time. But if he's laid with his belly up like in your photo he must feel comfortable around you. Sometimes my cat loves to be near me other times he gives me a death stare 😂

Personally I'd never shut a cat out of my bedroom. I'm an experienced cat fosterer of 'difficult' cats and have usually found that they settle if they can come to me when they need cuddles and reassurance.

He looks lovely! I think he looks very comfortable. Tbh my cat is friendly enough but prefers affection on his terms. He might warm to you in time when he trusts you.

Could he be in pain? Was he an outdoor cat before you got him?

Without trying to sound rude, why do you shut him out of your bedroom? When I first adopted my rescue cats, they wanted to be close to us and would follow me everywhere. It sounds abit mean shutting him out of your bedroom.

Wait for him to come to you for cuddles. Cats like to be in charge. I've had mine six years and if I tickle his tummy when he's lying on his side, I often get claws. It's just the way he is.

I've often found that just sitting in a room with a new cat, reading and getting on with my work and not approaching them keeps them calm so that they can approach in their own time. Ten days is a really short time for a mature cat to get adjusted to a new place, so be kind and quiet and patient and not expect too much for a bit. That should make him feel more secure. He doesn't look too fat from the pictures, but that is quite a bit more than I feed mine - what's his weight?

We were told he is about 6kgs although we haven't weighed him ourselves.

We let him into the bedroom door the first 2 nights we had him, but he wasn't settled. He kept wanting to play and jump around on the bed. I didn't expect an 11 yo cat to be so lively. The first night we shut him out, he meowed for about 5 minutes, and since then, he's quiet at night.

He definitely wants to be an outdoor cat. His foster owner kept him in, but I think previous owners let him out. I don't think he's in pain because he's eating really well and quite lively.

You never adopt a cat; they let you become their servant!

I would give him a while longer to settle and try again opening your bedroom door.

I wouldn't shut the door personally, it just sounds like he was unnsettled on the first few nights, perfectly normal and to be expected. He needs abit of time to settle and adjust to his new life.

6kg is fine and he looks lovely and not at all overweight. Mine is around the same weight, and he will eat 3 pouches a day, and dry biscuits are always available for him to graze on.

If he bites/scratches hiss at him. It’s how kittens tell one another they’ve gone too far.
But equally give him a bit more time to settle - 10 days isn’t long. He’s still adjusting. Don’t force petting on him.
He does sound lively for 11.

It hasn't been very long and he's probably still getting used to his new home. He might be trying to scratch because he feels anxious still. Are you standing over him when you try to stroke him. or are you at his level, like next to him on the sofa? Sometimes cats don't always like being hovered over and petted as they are really small compared to you. I have a cat that doesn't always like this but he is actually an affectionate cat. I think he will come to you on his terms. Do you have children? Maybe your house is nosier than his previous one? I don't think shutting the bedroom door is going to affect him that much and the food sounds fine, though I have never seen a cat yoghurt!

Hmm, I think you need to take a step back. Feed him, talk to him alot, let HIM choose when he comes to you for pets and cuddles. Most cats don't like belly rubs until they are extremely comfortable around you.

I think you need to give him space and access to settle and that will take alot longer than you think.

Always give the cat an exit route and safe spaces.

Don't shut him out of your bedroom, part of the important relationship with a cat is letting them snuggle when you are asleep and allowing them to wake you up at 5 am (or earlier).

Cats also change their moods I find. Just like they rotate the places they sleep in or the toys they are interested in. At times my cat is more affectionate than other times, it's all on his terms. He might still be adjusting to a new home, lots to take in, lots of stimulation. Keep getting to know him!

There are times my cat will come to bed for a cuddle and then there are times he doesn't turn up in bed for weeks. The heat also isn't helping. I always feel he prefers to be left alone more when it's hot.

It's still early days, but cats aren't the same every day.

Also, teach anyone who's meeting him that with cats you don't just pet them, but let them sniff your hand and let them decide if they want to be petted. So often people come to my home and think they can give the cat a pat on the head as though it was a dog.

I totally get the shutting him out of your bedroom, its not ideal from the cats POV but no-one wants to be kept awake all night, I'd be tempted to have a cosy space for him to sleep him with a catnip toy or something. Its still early days for him settling in.. but I've noticed that male cats do seem to prefer affection on their terms. Treats wise, you could just give him leftover ham/fish/chicken - dreamies and yogurt sounds like a recipe for an upset stomach.

Cats aren't affectionate like dogs so your expectations may be unrealistic. They also take quite a long time to settle in a new home. He's not a kitten so less adaptable.
No way would I allow an animal in my bedroom. My cat is shut in the kitchen at night where he has a bed, food and drink and a cat flap to go out.

More time as others have said, let him come to you.
I have never allowed a cat to sleep in my bedroom because I just don't want to be kept up all night with their purring and climbing over me, had good relationships with all my cats regardless

Our last cat settled really quickly - we adopted her direct from a family where she was stressed out by a boisterous toddler and it was a very easy transition. Even on the first night she was cuddled up in my lap. We sadly had to say goodbye to her this year aged ten, and have since adooted an 18 month old ginger boy. He took a lot longer to settle, and had had a lot of upheaval - stray/taken in/foster home from Cats Protection/here - so it was understandable. We just let him do his own thing to begin with, he was friendly but wary and occasionally hiss-y over the first few days. Now he’s very much “my cat” much to DP’s disgust, and is a joy as well as a little thug. I would say it took about eight weeks until he realised he was truly home. There was a heartbreaking moment after a fortnight when he needed to go for his second jabs at the vet, and his sad face at being loaded into the box was just awful, you could just imagine him thinking “oh no, where next?”.

We shut ours in the kitchen overnight so I think not allowing him the bedroom is fine - ours is a total pest from about 4am and we need to sleep! He has a cosy bed by the radiator, and an Amazon box on top of the fridge depending on his mood, a basket of toys, food/water/litter tray, and there is nothing coming over him.

By yoghurt I expect OP means Lickelix type stuff. Our cat gets one of those a few times a week and absolutely loves it.

Our vet always recommends our cat is kept at 4kg or less. She is female, but a fairly large frame. Last visit she weighed 3.9kg and to me looked skinny, but the vet said she still had a bit too much fat over her ribs.

Apparently if a cat gets sick from something like kidney or liver disease (common in order cats) any extra weight causes complications.

How about gradually dropping Dreamies and the cat yoghurt? Or get your vets advice on his weight? Also the simple stick and string toys are fantastic for encouraging exercise!

I got a rescue cat when she was 2 years old and now nearly 5. A lot younger than yours but I think the same applies and have had cats all my life. Cats are very territorial and will need to be completely comfortable with their environment before they can relax with the owners and trust them. Trust is huge. We let her go where she wanted, explore the house and find her own areas of 'safety'. This included the bedroom. Make sure there are places to go where he can hide. This could be under the bed (if you have a large enough gap), or we had a cubby hole style space underneath our loft stairs and put a blanket there where she stayed a lot in the first few weeks. We never picked her up or tried to stroke her a lot. A lot of the times we just ignored her, as in not going towards her at all but just acting on her requests of being hungry or wanting to be let outside. She then eventually came to me slowly. To this day she never comes on my lap but will come and lie down next to me and want a stroke then when she's had enough will walk away. Cats I've had in the past have jumped on my lap and sat there for an hour or two! It takes a while to learn their personality as they're all different. We have two children who were 7&9 when we got her and the rescue home said she was child friendly but she clearly wasn't and disappeared whenever the children were around, always going to her safe spots. It took - wait for it - 2 years before she let them stroke her! The children were obviously really upset but I had to explain cats are very specific creatures. She now loves being stroked by them but mainly because the kids are calmer now they're older. Cats hate too much noise, sudden movements or hyper activity. 11 days is really really early days and sounds like he's doing well from what you've mentioned. Also, exit points are really important. Leave doors open as this makes them feel safe and in control of where they can go.

Sorry just to add I meant doors in the house! I never shut the living room door that leads to upstairs which could block her from going to her safe spots.

Our cat is a male tuxedo very like that. He eats 4 pouches a day. Lick e lix etc as occasional treats. There is also dry food and water down for him to have as he feels like. The vet is really happy with his weight, he's a big lad and should be 6kg ish for his frame. He took a couple of months to really come out of his shell after we adopted him.