Need a hand-hold. Heartbreaking decision made…

[RosaMoline]

I posted about my cat Rosa Moline, previously. She has a large malignant tumour on her face. It’s now pushed her eye shut, which is cloudy and weepy. She had her diagnosis 2 months ago. The tumour has grown from the size of a marble to an egg.
It was agreed with the vet not to put her through any surgery or treatments, and just keep her comfortable and observe.
I tentatively made an appt. to have her PTS in about 10 days, as she has deteriorated over the last week (coat looks matted, she’s hiding, doesn’t come to me any more - she’s a proper lap cat) but have come to the conclusion that I need to go to the vet tomorrow 😢
My anxiety is through the roof atm. Heart racing, feel sick, on the verge of tears. To top it all, my mum passed in May, both parents gone now…

The anxiety and restlessness will ease once it's over. I know you can't think of the 'after' now, but you might be surprised at the relief -especially if you've been watching and waiting for a decline for some months. A good death for your pet, and it is, and knowing you chose the right time (or within the ballpark) will be of a lot of comfort over the next few weeks.

Really so sorry to read this. We had to have our lovely cat pts because of intestinal lymphoma earlier in the year and it was absolutely heartbreaking, but I do comfort myself that she had a good last day with her favourite foods, a lie in the sun, and then went to sleep with us telling her how much we loved her. If I could go that way I’d be pretty pleased. I had the vet take her paw prints and got one as a tattoo so she is always with me. Sending lots of love to you.

Once it's done, you will feel relived but very sad. It sounds like it needs to be sooner rather than later.

Have been there - it’s the worst. A friend sent me this which I think sums it up (although still makes me cry).

The Last Battle
If it should be that I grow frail and weak
And pain should keep me from my sleep,
Then will you do what must be done,
For this — the last battle — can't be won.
You will be sad I understand,
But don't let grief then stay your hand,
For on this day, more than the rest,
Your love and friendship must stand the test.
We have had so many happy years,
You wouldn't want me to suffer so.
When the time comes, please, let me go.
Take me to where to my needs they'll tend,
Only, stay with me till the end
And hold me firm and speak to me
Until my eyes no longer see.
I know in time you will agree
It is a kindness you do to me.
Although my tail its last has waved,
From pain and suffering I have been saved.
Don't grieve that it must be you
Who has to decide this thing to do;
We've been so close — we two — these years,
Don't let your heart hold any tears.
— Unknown

There was a post I read where a Vet had "The Pain You Feel Now Is So That They Don't Have To" on their wall .

I know you are in a massive black hole but don't hang onto your lovely cat longer because you are grieving .
You'll make the right choice for her , you know what she needs .

She's a beautiful cat , love the little white whiskers above her eyes .

Spoil her tonight , make the painful phonecall tomorrow .

Edited - can't spell

It’s awful, my queen had heart failure, pts the only kindness poor girl at 13

I agree the anxiety will ease when it's over. You know you're doing the correct and best thing for her, such a hard time for you with your mum too. I'm so sorry

I'm so sorry to read this....this is not about me but I could have written your post.

My 17yr old cat has a mammary tumour and has really struggled this weekend, declined very much like yours so I will be taking her tomorrow to say goodbye.

Sending you love, hugs and handhold .

I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

You have made the right decision for your lovely cat, however hard it has been for you. That is the ultimate act of love.

I really believe it’s better a week too early than a day to late. Sending you gentle hugs x

You know your cat best so will get the timing of this difficult decision as best you can. Mine had an op, the vet found tumours, bought him home. But I had made the appt for 5 days later. He deteriorated slowly. Became incontinent - so that above anything else confirmed to me that my gorgeous baby was no longer OK at all. He still purred but no longer really ate. The final day he was at home quietly with my son who he adored and visa versa. When we took him I told the vet my decision and he sighed with relief - that I had been able to make the decision, and make the best for the cat. Clearly others struggle. Wishing you peace - we love them so much, but need to do this for them.

This is beautiful ❤️

Oh bless you both... but I am so glad to hear you're thinking of going in sooner rather than later. When they start hiding, they're not having a happy time... Her instinct is telling her it's time to go, so be guided by that, and by your vet.

I can relate to the anxiety you're feeling, but it's not a sign that it's the wrong decision, just that it's a hard and emotional one. But when you can see that they're suffering, the decision is less hard. As a loving owner, you will do the best for her, I'm sure of it.

This is a tough thing to cope with on top of losing your Mum so recently. Wishing you strength to get through this, and I hope you can take some time to grieve and process it all afterwards. 🤗

Thank you everyone, she passed peacefully this morning 💔♥️

I love this.

I'm sure she takes the knowledge and support of all your love with her... Your heart must be breaking at the passing of your beautiful, unique little soul, but you did the right thing and cared for her to the end.

I am thinking of you. Be gentle and kind with yourself today. Feel the feelings, but know that the sadness will flow away naturally in time and you will be left with the memories of all the good, sweet, loving times you had together, which far outweigh the difficulties at the end.

🤗

I had to have 18 year dcat pts recently and this part of the poem is both heartbreaking and comforting in equal measures:
‘Only, stay with me till the end
And hold me firm and speak to me
Until my eyes no longer see’

Thank you everyone ♥️♥️♥️
seems so strange coming home and not seeing her waiting for me on my bed. Her favourite spot was between my pillows. She never meowed, just a funny little chirrup.
I particularly like this quote from Plato:

‘The soul takes flight to the world that is invisible. At there arriving, she is assured of bliss and forever dwells in paradise.’