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So sad - my girl suddenly passed

26 replies

goodbyeLayla · 06/06/2024 09:07

I don't know who to talk to, I hope nobody minds me posting here. Can't tell the kids yet. I don't know what I can say to them, they are young and don't understand death. I found my beautiful girl had suddenly died this morning. Just tucked away behind a tree at the bottom of the garden. She is free to roam but always stays in. No clue why she was down there. I'd have had no idea except I'd let the dog out, and dog was going crazy at the area so I went to check and found her so still.

I didn't know what to do, so rang my exH, she was a shared cat along with her brother before H and I split, he loves her too. He's checked her over as I just couldn't, and said he can't see any signs of attack, poisoning etc. I knew she'd gone but was really hoping he'd say she was just unconscious and would be fine.

Will the vet think we are crazy asking for some kind of postmortem? She was perfectly healthy and alert yesterday, nothing to concern me. Eating as normal, purring around the place. I just can't understand. I want to know what happened.

Then exH was saying he'd bury her somewhere nice, but I don't want that, can't stand to think of her alone and in the dark, or something digging her up. My poor girl. All I can think about is why didn't I stroke her more, she's so timid and never came for hugs like her brother does. She sits with me, but away from me, and I can't recall the last time we had a stroke. Or why didn't I give her the cat treats more, she loved them. She was only having her annual check and boosters a month or so ago and everything was fine. What could have happened? She's about 12 so not old, healthy weight etc. poor girl.

Here is a picture, she is the tortoiseshell, her brother is black and white. Poor Layla, she is just the sweetest cat.

So sad - my girl suddenly passed
OP posts:
goodbyeLayla · 06/06/2024 09:10

I don't even have a good photo of her with her full face, she was just always there on the chair or bed curled up, why didn't I take more photos of her sweet face?

Sorry I'm rambling, I just don't know what to do and trying to not cry so as not to upset the kids.

OP posts:
goodbyeLayla · 06/06/2024 09:12

I found an old one, she had a sore tummy so that's why it's pink but other than that no health issues

So sad - my girl suddenly passed
OP posts:
TomeTome · 06/06/2024 09:12

I think if I could choose an end for my cat this would be it. Curled up in a quiet spot near to home. Active and loved right up to the end. So sad for you but be happy for her. What funny little people they are leaving such memories in our lives.

TruthorDie · 06/06/2024 09:15

So sorry to hear this. Such a pretty face and gorgeous markings. Like @TomeTome said l would want this for my cat as well

TruthorDie · 06/06/2024 09:16

Sorry pressed send too soon: l would want my cat to pass away somewhere familiar and a happy place. Not sure what to advise re children: we have 2 senior cats so l am dreading this as well ☹️

goodbyeLayla · 06/06/2024 10:17

Thank you for your kind words. I never expected it to hit me so hard, but then I suppose I wasn't expecting it at all. I'm really struggling because I don't understand how she can go from seemingly being totally fine and normal to just suddenly dying overnight. And just hoping she wasn't in pain at the end.

My other worry is that her brother hasn't shown up yet either, he's usually in early wanting breakfast, hoping that he's ok

OP posts:
Smartiepants79 · 06/06/2024 10:24

Our first cat died like this. Just overnight, curled up in her basket. She was about 12.
We just assumed heart attack.
I really wouldn’t recommend any kind of vet intervention now. Just let her go peacefully and undisturbed.

viccat · 06/06/2024 10:29

So sorry for your loss.

One of mine died very suddenly last year, she was only 5. She was absolutely fine and gone in minutes, I was there. It was likely an undiagnosed heart issue. I found the suddenness of it really, really hard too. Although in some way I feel it was better than having to rush to the vets and unsuccessful treatment or a prolonged period of illness.

You could arrange to have her cremated and keep the ashes in an urn if you didn't want to bury her.

Cookerhood · 06/06/2024 10:30

I'm so sorry, I'm dreading this with our 16 year old cat, but hoping (for him) that he goes quietly at home,rather than having to take him to the vet.
We once lost an 18 month old cat (we found her in the woods near our house), we have always wondered what happened.
Cats are very good at hiding pain so she may have been ill & just took herself off somewhere quiet.

YellowCloud · 06/06/2024 10:30

Really sorry for your loss, OP. She looks like a lovely cat. As others have said, a peaceful way to go.

Beautifulbythebay · 06/06/2024 10:32

So sorry for your loss op.. Maybe she was clipped by a car and made it home? Update when her db returns if you can. We lost 1 of a pair and had to get a dkitten as he pined so much. For 5 solid months... Your girl was gorgeous..

Compash · 06/06/2024 10:33

I'm so sorry for your loss. Your girl was beautiful. If she didn't normally roam but did today, it may be that she knew her time had come - cats are notorious for doing this! Independent to the end.

Don't fret that you didn't interact with her more - it sounds like she chose the amount of interaction and you respected that - much better than forcing affection on her... cats usually know what they want and how to get it, and they're all different!

12 isn't terribly old, but it's not particularly young either. I'm glad you had the time you did with her, it sounds like she was really loved. I agree with the others, it sounds like a very peaceful way to go.

You've had a big shock today, go gently with yourself and don't rush anything. 🤗

Beachpelican · 06/06/2024 10:37

I asked the vet to do a postmortem on my lovely dog. They only charged £60 and it completely put my mind at rest. They didn't think it daft at all. We then had him cremated.

Jasmin1971 · 06/06/2024 10:38

I am so sorry, sending virtual hugs X

aodirjjd · 06/06/2024 10:41

I know 12 feels young for a cat because pet cats often live to 16 or older these days but it is also still quite a normal age to have a heart attack or cancer.

So you could pay a vet but I would question what comfort it would actually give you. It might make you feel worse for not knowing she was poorly.

It sounds like she’s died very peacefully I would just take comfort in that x

Grumpyoldpersonwithcats · 06/06/2024 10:53

I'm very sorry you've lost your beautiful cat in these circumstances. I've only have one of our previous cats die like this, found him curled up in a neighbour's garden. I took comfort in the fact that he'd had a good life and clearly died peacefully in his sleep. With all our other cats we've had to make the decision, which is also hard.
Personally I wouldn't request a PM, 12 isn't old for a cat but it really isn't young either. Worth noting that your vet will be able to arrange cremation and return of ashes if you wish.
💐

helpfulperson · 06/06/2024 11:11

I'm sure if you asked your vet would be happy to check her for any obvious cause and chat with you about possible causes without doing a full PM. And they can arrange cremation if you prefer that to burial.

She is an absolute beauty and would have known how loved she was.

CatServant1 · 06/06/2024 11:11

Aw. I'm sorry @goodbyeLayla. That's so hard. But it seems that it was peaceful (perhaps she didn't feel so good and that's why she went out - cats often do). I wouldn't go down the post mortem route, but it's up to you.

How young are the kids? Mine said goodbye to our cat after she died (we buried her in a part of the garden which wasn't likely to be disturbed). It helped them to see she was gone. (I think DS would have been about 2 and had been looking after her.) She was very old though and it was easier to explain.

GingerbuiscuitandNinjapanda · 06/06/2024 11:25

I am so sorry, I just wanted to send you a virtual hug, you sound so lovely and I am sure she knew you loved and cared for her, and you gave her a happy life.

Mammma91 · 06/06/2024 11:28

I’m sorry OP. She was beautiful, lovely markings too. I’m not sure about a post mortum, but I know for sure you could have her cremated if this is of interest to you. My eldest would be utterly heartbroken too, although he’s SEN. Pets are a huge part of the family and I’m so sorry for your loss.

sending love x

goodbyeLayla · 06/06/2024 11:51

Thank you all so much. You have no idea how much comfort I'm taking from your posts. My exH is sad too but more practical, and I haven't told anyone else yet. So it really helps to be able to talk here, thank you.

I think it'll be horrible sending her off for a PM now I've had more info. We are in Manchester, and the vet told exH he'd have to drive her to Liverpool University to get one done as they aren't done locally. I don't like the thought of her being driven off and investigated when rationally I know it's most likely to be some kind of sudden heart problem. I was originally worried if it was something dodgy food wise/toxic or hereditary that we'd need to know about for her brother, but from hearing most of your experiences and googling it seems that it's more likely to be a heart issue. I also checked my dates and I think she'd actually have been just turned 13, so not that bad going for a cat who was raised by us from a kitten and knew only love all her life. My mums cat lived to 19/20 so 12/13 seemed too young, but actually I know it's not so short, and her cat was in a terrible state for her last year so I'm glad it wasn't like that for Layla.

I think best now is to let her be at peace and the vet will handle a cremation. I'll plant something for her in the garden and her ashes can be there. I just hope it was quick and painless for her.

Also her brother still hasn't turned up, which is worrying. But he does sometimes go off on adventures, and was once gone for over a week! So I just really hope he's not been scared by something and done a runner, or that he's not sick somewhere too. I'm not sure how distressed he'll be by his sister's no longer being with us, he never really got on with her in recent years - apart from the snuggle in my photo they usually steered clear of one another. But you never know how animals will react.

For the people asking, my dc are 7 and 9, both ASD. Their granny had to put her cat to sleep last year and they didn't really understand, so not sure how they'll handle this. I couldn't have let them see her all cold and still with her eyes open to say goodbye, they have a lot of anxiety and nightmares and that would have been too much. I might ask if they want to say something and help me plant whatever we choose to help them with closure. They do love all our pets, but Layla was never keen on the kids and stuck closer to me, so they didn't interact with her too much. The house feels very empty right now but I'm just going to try and keep busy.

OP posts:
afaloren · 06/06/2024 11:55

So sorry OP. My first cat died in his sleep in his favourite chair at the age of 10 and although I was inconsolable, of all the pet deaths I’ve experienced since it was the
least traumatic for both me and him. Sounds like you loved her very much and she had a lovely life. She’s done you her final kindness Flowers

mycatisanarcissist · 06/06/2024 12:02

I'm so sorry, OP. It's bloody painful to lose a beloved pet unexpectedly.

It's normal to feel guilty after a pet dies. After my cat died in 2015 at the age of 9 (he had an embolism) I beat myself up for months. I told myself a bunch of silly things.. like I shouldn't have fed him tuna ever (maybe the occasional mercury was what killed him) and why didn't I stroke him more the day he died? Maybe I shouldn't have gone on holiday and left him with a sitter? On and on it went. Looking back, 9 years later, it was just grief.

It sounds like your girl had a good life with you. xx

yorkypuds · 06/06/2024 12:31

Awwww I'm so sorry! It is heartbreaking! Layla was obviously so so loved. Just sending some love ❤️

LostCats · 06/06/2024 16:25

I am so sorry for your loss. She was so beautiful and so very loved too