Advice re very nervous cat please

[Imatorturedpoet]

I've adopted a tabby cat, she's 12 years old and was rehomed because her elderly owner was no longer able to look after her.

I've had cats all my life, but mainly black cats and Siamese, they've all been quite confident and outgoing.

She will let me stroke her now, I've had her about three months, at first she just hid and came out to eat at night. She miaows at me. She's eating well, toileting etc. I'd just like her to lie on my lap, or on the bed, but I've no idea how to progress further now. If I try to play with her she's too jumpy and runs away from a ribbon or dangly things, or if I throw a bit of screwed up paper to chase. She has plenty of toys in her room and I hear her racing around at night, chasing a little ball, but if I roll out for her she hides away.

I live alone, only DP visits and she allows him to stroke her now too. It's quiet here, I don't make much noise, apart from having the radio or cd on. I try to walk slowly and quietly around the flat, but she'll still run and hide if I'm heading her way.

Any suggestions? I give her treats, she won't take them out of my hand, but eats them off the floor. I've even tried laying a path of them to my bed, but she'll only eat the ones on the floor. She has catnip mice, but ignores them.

I'd really like a cuddly cat, that's what I'm used to, at the moment I feel like a servant, feeding and cleaning up after her. Obviously I know we're all cats' servants 😂

You’ll have to be patient and let her come to you. I wouldn’t creep around trying not to make noise though as it will make her more frightened if she hears anything loud. Just go about your day and she will eventually get used to you. You could also try something like Feliway (which I don’t think works but other people swear by) or Pet Remedy. They do calming sprays and plug ins. Pet Remedy do calming wipes. Again, no idea if they work but might be worth a try.

Thanks for the reply. I did have Feliway plug in for the first two months, no idea if it worked though. Yes I guess she needs to get used to me walking around etc without being scared.

My nervous cats have always responded brilliantly to Feliway, sadly I'm allergic to it. Feliway Friends on the other hand has always been useless.

We now use The Collar of Calm whenever neurotic cat really looks like she has lost the plot. The results are dramatic, can see within 15 minutes that she has stopped stressing about every puff of air. She'll still growl at any cat standing on her patio, but it's no longer a 24 hour drama resulting in her stopping eating and getting bladder issues.

Collar of Calm - we get it on Amazon:

https://www.comfortzone.com/all-products/comfort-zone-calming-collar

The vet recommended Pet Remedy to me as an alternative to Feliway. You can get a pack with a plug in, spray and wipes for about £22.00 online. I was told the wipes are really good but I’ve never used them.

I also found Feliway expensive as you need diffusers in lots of rooms for wherever the cat goes.

Putting the pheromones on the cat, by way of a collar, is much cheaper and easier.

We don't even make her have it all the time, more of a booster every couple of months.

Chances of me getting a collar on her and not dying ... 😂😂 I can barely stroke her, so no chance yet. Thanks for the suggestion though, might be useful in the future.

Not all cats are lap cats - even if she does get more confident there's no guarantee she'll want to sit on you or with you in that respect.

I also agree with not tiptoeing around the house - just carry on as normal.

After 8 years Girlcat still doesn't sit on my lap, even though she loves her fuss & cuddles now, she just doesn't do laps. I can pick her up & she sits happily on my boobs (they make a very large soft shelf!) while I scratch belly & chin etc, but not the lap. Boycat was the same, he was incredibly affectionate & would sort of crawl up me with me supporting his bum & his front feet hooked over my shoulder, but never the lap.

I do have hopes long term for Tobias, but he's been here 15 months so far & we are just managing the odd stroke. But do bear in mind that I was chosen by cats who were/are all exceptionally timid to start with, and I knew I would be in for a very long haul. But if I hadn't taken them, they may not have found such an understanding slave.

All I can say is agree with patience, it may take years even but every little step forwards brings so much joy.

You may want to try Zylkene, It's a natural calming substance that I've used with great effect when I've been having guests or in the run up to Bonfire Night. You can get it from most vets, though I get mine on line. Comes in capsules that you break open & sprinkle the contents on food - all of mine have enjoyed the taste or at least not objected to it. My friend also used it with good results when he was trying to get his old cat to get on better with the new kittens.

My boy would barely let anyone touch him at first. He isn't nervous, just opinionated!

Had him 3 years now and he's a big softy so just give it time and persistence. He isn't a traditional lap cat, we still can't pick him up but the excitement the first time he sat on my lap was amazing.

Thanks everyone. I'll look for Zylklene (sounds like window cleaning spray 😂 ). I can't take her to the vets yet, but will look online.

I don't mind if she isn't a lap cat, it would just be lovely if she was less jumpy and I didn't worry I'm going to get smacked every time she comes to be stroked!