How do you cope with grief?

[NotHooray]

This is likely to be rambling but I'm struggling so much and wanted to just get it down into words.

Our wonderful boy had to be put to sleep last Thursday after another unexpected internal bleeding. The whole situation was awful (having to drive him an hour in the car to referral vet when he was so very poorly, no support to do 'the right thing' at my local vet, husband wasn't able to make it to say goodbye etc etc) and he was my little shadow so I expected to feel grief and sadness but oh my god its just hitting me repeatedly. I cannot stop crying and it feels like it physically hurts? How on earth do you deal with this grief?
On top of it all I almost feel like I don't have a right to be as heartbroken as I feel because it wasn't a human?

Picture attached of my sweet boy.

That must have come as a real shock. You sound like a wonderfully loving cat mum who made the best decision for your beautiful girl even though it was incredibly difficult. I'm so sorry for your loss 😞
That definitely sounds like it's meant to be, and how lovely that another kitty will get a loving forever home. Please come back and let me know how you get on at CP. I'll be thinking of you tomorrow
That picture of your lovely girl has made me smile - love the ears x

You have absolutely every right to feel grief and never feel bad for this. People who don’t have pets won’t understand but pet owners do.

I lost my horse 6 years ago and I still get really sad when I think about him. I can’t watch equestrian sports, I can’t look at my friend’s posts about horses and I still feel like a huge part of my life is missing.

I didn’t get another as I had a toddler at the time and I’ve still not due to the expense but I will as soon as I can.

Your grief is real. I’m sorry for your loss 😞

@Judystilldreamsofhorses I had a similar experience, and adopted very quickly afterwards. It was fate it both cases. I knew about Penelope within hours of Magics death. The rescue told me about her when I told them she'd died. I got to work and we had a patient called Penelope. I cuddled Penelope and the weight of sadness just lifted. Cheddar came home only 10 days after Maia and really helped. I'm hoping for something similar this time.

This is Louie and he is coming to live with us - in fact he’s being delivered tonight! He’s a very different cat and I think we can love him in a very different way.

I had the pet crematorium on the phone earlier saying our girl’s ashes are ready to collect so we will bring her home soon too (the crem is miles out the road so they’re being dropped at our vet next week)

Wow. He's beautiful. The rescue have suggested one to me. And I was just OMG!

A new cat is never a replacement. The previous cat is never forgotten. But I firmly believe that if you are able to give another cat a home you should. I remember the sadness lifting like a physical weight when I met Penelope.

Oh Judy he's beautiful!! Him being so different to your other cat will help too. I don't know if I could ever get another tuxedo.
I'm picking Lens ashes up next Friday. I really want him home where he belongs now. Every day I feel is getting a little easier - today is the first day I've not cried or felt as awful as I have done. I've looked at my favourite pictures of him and been able to remenisc about fond memories rather than feeling sad.
I'm so so pleased for your new addition, it was definitely fate x

I think in the next couple of weeks I will register my interest with CP etc and see if we can find a good fit. I agree, there's too many needing homes as it is x

I'm so sorry about your horse, that must have been a huge presence to lose ❤️

I've ordered a glass heart to put Cheddars ashes into. Can hold it in my hand. The rescue I got them from have suggested a possible cat. Who I had a complete OMG reaction too. And she's loved with Penelope before. But I have health conversation with her, given the issues I had with Pen. Another rescue have suggested two possible's but I'm just not feeling it. Although they are lovely cats.

That post has way too many typos. I meant she's lived with Pen before. But I have health concerns

He’s here! I’m not sure if he’s actually going to make me miss S even more but hopefully he will be a good distraction and he’s absolutely charming 🐈

I lost my boy dog over a decade ago and I still miss him so much.

Of course, this constant, biting, crushing grief will end, though.

You will feel that way for a few weeks and slowly it will start to ease and eventually you will feel basically normal again, although it will always twinge and feel bittersweet when you remember him.

I will love my dog forever and in a way you never totally stop grieving, it just changes and becomes easier to carry.

I was a bit blindsided by the call and just paid out £250 for an urn thing. My DP’s abroad with work and they’d been trying him first, I was just about to go and teach a class and it caught me off guard. In retrospect I should have asked for them in a tub or something and found our own container for them maybe. This has been the most expensive month I can remember. Because we were dealing with our vet and a specialist the insurance treated it as two claims (?) and we had to pay the excess twice, but thank goodness we did have the insurance because the bill was almost £3,000.

I just had mine in a cardboard box, as I was planning to scatter them in my friend's garden. Which didn't happen. But I'm very happy with my Monty bojangles Tin.

Oh @NotHooray - sending hugs. You have every right to be sad and to grieve and to miss your lovely cat. They bring so much joy, it is entirely natural to miss them and mourn them. I have a tuxie boy too and I adore him. They have wonderful personalities and they leave a big gap when they are no longer here.

@Judystilldreamsofhorses he looks happy to be home already. What a handsome fellow. And a lucky one to inherit the home your lovely girl left.

He will keep you busy and I am sure that will help you. A household without a cat companion feels so lonely when they are gone.

I’m so sorry @NotHooray such a beautiful kitty and to everyone else mourning their dear cats
This time last year I had two cats Evie and Reuben - Evie was failing healthwise but Reub was in his prime - then I lost them both within a week of each other (both died at home without being PTS) and that was a huge shock - I got a lot of support from the lovely people on here
I wasn’t sure when I’d be ready but 4-5 months later we got Finlay and I am besotted all over again
New pets are never replacements though as they are all so different - it just proves how much love you have to give x

@Judystilldreamsofhorses I phoned the insurance company to explain that it was all the same claim. They were happy the diagnosis changes. And put a note on my file to explain.

I have a very similar thread from a few weeks ago @NotHooray I'm so sorry for your loss. What a gorgeous boy.

I'm still having moments of crying or thinking he's still here. My other cat is acting strange now too.

I'm so sorry. The grief of losing a pet is absolutely as real as the grief of losing a human family member. I remember the pain so clearly.
What helped me was to focus on the fact that I'd given my cat such a happy life and so much love. She really was treated like queen and she knew how loved she was. When I was feeling sad I'd remember what a good life I'd given her and how content she was. It was incredibly comforting to me.