Cat decided it wants to live with us

[Esmemcia]

A neighbour’s cat has decided it wants to live with us. I’m not sure why - we haven’t fed it or let it in to the house although the kids have petted it in the garden. It stays in our garden and meows/paws at door to get in. Doesn’t go home so neighbours have to come and collect it every evening, then they keep it in overnight to much protests, then it runs back over here once it’s let back out again. Neighbours are starting to get a bit fed up and are making noises about us just having the cat. Neither me nor DH have ever owned a cat though. Plus we’re not keen on ‘stealing’ these people’s cat, however inadvertently. They’ve tried shutting her in but she protests. Everything I read is that cats decide these things for themselves but I really think she’d be better off with her owners. Plus the fact that she seems ‘to know her own mind’ makes me a bit nervous about taking her on. First question is, can anyone think of any solutions? Second is, if we took her, what should we be considering as completely inexperienced owners taking in an 8 year old pedigree cat?

Solution: stop letting the cat in your house. Simple.

I don't believe for a moment it's not being fed at your house, as that's what draws them in. It's not just your households sparkling personality.

I'm sure this will be infuriating your neighbours no end. They clearly care about their cat if they are coming to fetch it home every night.

Depending on the breed of pedigree it is, you could become responsible for some hefty grooming and vets fees. If one of my neighbours was catnapping my pet and they become unwell, I'd be putting the blame on them and letting them know that they're liable for any bills incurred whilst the animal was in their possession.

I’m not letting the cat in or feeding the cat. Why would I ask for advice for a scenario that isn’t taking place?

I don’t want to catnap the cat. That’s precisely why I want advice. Every time they’ve collected the cat they’ve called it from the front of the house and it’s come round from the back immediately.

If you decide to take ownership, you'll need to check her chip. As of June, I understand all cats will need one, so if she has one, you'll need to transfer to details. You'll also need to be responsible for flea and worm tretments-we pay £15 a month at Vets for Pets for that. Plus food and cat litter. And neutering if not already done.

If you don't want that responsibility, I would actively chase her away them you see her. She'll pull at your heart strings but I suspect go back to the owner.

Hope that helps! We have a lovely cat but do have problems with a friendly stray who is driving us nuts so I sypathise.

If the ndn can't be bothered to catproof their garden or build a catio then poor cat will keep coming to your house, they could just ignore it until it eventually goes home but that's annoying for you and the cat is confused. If you do want to adopt it make sure you have it in writing, what breed is it, does it have any health issues, is it up to date with vaccination and worms, flea treatments. It's a big responsibility and your life will change forever.

If not being fed at a new house,cats only move out of their home and look for another if they are very unhappy. There may be a neighbour cat bullying them in their own garden, the neighbours might have a kid who upsets the cat..lots of causes as to why a cat tries to move out. If the neighbours are happy for you to have the cat, then take it. Cats only move out (assuming not being fed elsewhere) if they are v unhappy with their current set up. Get the chip updated as someone above says.

Thank you both. We’ve had pets, just not cats, and this is exactly my reservation - when we’ve got a new pet before it’s been a really long, well thought out decision - not a ‘she seems to have chosen you’ impulsive thing. Because they’re always huge responsibilities.

Quite wound up by the suggestion that we’d be responsible for bills and stuff. Fortunately neighbours seem quite reasonable and understanding about it but am amazed that someone would have the audacity to suggest handing bills over to me for a cat they can’t prevent from entering my garden.

I wonder the the owners are calling your bluff by suggesting you take on responsibility for it, suspecting that you are feeding it and giving it affection.

If you are not letting it in, giving it affection or feeding it then you can't do much more, although you could get an ultrasonic cat scarer and position it in a suitable location to deter the cat from sitting outside your house. You could get a cat/dog of your own if having a pet appeals to you and maybe they could resolve the territory issue between them (only do this if you really truly want a pet and will commit to it for its whole lifetime).

Some cats are '7-dinner Sids' and have success in getting extra food by begging. As pps suggest, sometimes a change in the domestic situation (e.g. a new cat/dog/child can make a cat want to stay away from their own home).

An 8-year old cat will be classed as an older cat by the insurance company (and you really do need insurance for a cat of this age) and premiums will be correspondingly higher and increase each year. That is on top of regular anti-flea, worm, tick treatment (e.g. every one/three months) and annual vaccinations, looking after their teeth.

If you take this cat in, it may continue begging at other houses. Sometimes they will be fed unsuitable food that disagrees with them.

Why would you even entertain the idea of taking this cat? Why isn’t this just a gut reaction “lol nope”?

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Actually this post has really spoken to me. Because we’re idiots would be the only answer I think.

But it’s also slightly because I’m finding it stressful and I want a resolution. And it seems a lovely animal. I am wary that the current owners don’t seem as desperate to get it to stay with them as I would be if it was one of my pets but that also tugs at my heart strings a little.

There are a large number of cats on the road but no others come into our garden. Our garden has felt like this particular cat’s territory for ages and well before all of this it would spend a fair bit of time here. But then it would go home. Something might’ve changed. Neighbours can’t think of anything in their household though so perhaps a neighbouring cat as someone has suggested. She is petite and there are some big ones about.

I wonder if another cat has got into her garden or house which has made her feel unsafe and keen to move home.

I’m also worried as summer is approaching and windows and doors will be open more. I don’t want to be in a constant cycle of putting her outside lest we be seen as letting her in.

The calling our bluff idea is something I hadn’t considered. I don’t think that’s it though. Neighbours have acknowledged she seems hungry when they collect her and times when they’ve let her stay out in the hope that she gets hungry enough to come back she seems starving and bedraggled by the next morning. I think they trust us. We have been affectionate with her in the past because she used to be an unproblematic frequent visitor but we’ve been ignoring her for a while now. Which feels horrible as she seems just confused.

Cats are pretty low-maintenance pets, all things considered. They really only need food, shelter, a bed and a few toys. We've had seven over the years (currently have three) and they're very easy. That being said, if you don't want a cat then you shouldn't have a cat, of course.

I do wonder if it doesn't get much attention at home whereas your kids fuss it and give it lots of love? Some cats do like lots of affection and attention but I think a lot of people assume they're happy being independent and aloof.

IF you are in fact feeding the cat then you are stealing it and being dishonest, affecting disinterest.

She says in her first post that they've never fed the cat.

get a video recording of the cat coming to the door on its own volition and have your receipts ready to beat the 'purchased cat food to woo my cat' allegations

Fair enough then. That's the clincher though. A fed cat often shifts, including those fed at home.

I have some experience of a neighbour's cat trying to break into our house...
He's been doing it for over five years - we don't let him in, but he NEVER gives up.
OP - If you like the cat take her on. Unless she's a pedigree Bengal.

It seems very strange that the cat bothers hanging around your door if you aren't feeding it or letting it in. They try it on at every door on a street usually but give up if they get nothing out of it. I doubt the cat is looking at you through the glass thinking your house looks like paradise.

Maybe your children let it in when you aren't there? You need to ignore the cat and stop tormenting the neighbours by trying to lure it away from them. This 'cat choosing its own owners' thing is nonsense. If neighbours would stop borrowing/feeding other people's cats, there would be no issue.

Do the neighbours go out to work all day? We had a cat that spent all day when we were at work and school having a lovely time at the neighbours, unbeknownst to us at the time but understandable in retrospect (I know you are ignoring the cat, but it may still be looking for human attention if it's left on its own a lot).

I can see why you are worried about summer months. It would be sod's law to adopt the little monkey and then it decides it quite likes its old home/garden actually.

We don’t feed the cat.
We’ve never fed the cat.
Kids too young to feed the cat. They're also noisy and I agree with people saying it’s unlikely she’s choosing us. The “cats gonna cat”/she’s choosing you is coming from the owners, not us.

OP has said she doesn't want the cat. She isn't letting it in, or "tormenting the neighbours", or feeding it. She's said all that, so I'm not sure why you've decided she must be talking out of her arse and "luring" a random cat into her home.

When I was little, we had a cat who would regularly come into our house in summer. It was chucked out every time (as my mum is asthmatic), but that didn't stop it coming back again (and again, and again). She was very friendly but we genuinely never fed it or did anything to encourage her, she would just jump the garden fence and wander in on her own.