When will I know it's time?

[gotthearse]

I have a lovely ginger tom. He is 17. He has slowed up a lot and sleeps most of the time. He wakes up to eat, and will have a 10 minute potter up the garden. Lately he's stopped coming upstairs. His appetite is still strong and his last bloods ok, 3 teeth left.

But he's started peeing in the house. We have given him a tray and he pisses everywhere except inside it. We've tried to encourage him/pop him in when he starts doing his 'about to pee' dance, but he's not getting it. I know he isn't stressed, and he's ok according to the vet, I just think he really can't be arsed any more, he's deffo worse when it's raining.

I don't want to let him go, but the smell is really getting me down no matter what products I use, and we've stopped having visitors, which is the exact opposite of what I should be doing for my mental health. I love him dearly, but I also don't believe in keeping pets going forever. I feel very conflicted about him being PTS - he does very little now and is very slow and the smell is horrible, but other than that he's not particularly ill. Wwyd?

Sounds like kidney problems maybe? Happened to my old cat age 16.

For me it was when he stopped eating completely, aside a few licks of lick e lix or a tiny nibble of a watsit. When he was unable to support his back end and would stagger everywhere and when he became too tired to get out of his litter tray. He would lay there until he either got the strength to get back to his bed which was feet away or I'd pick him up and carry him back. Mine had acute kidney failure. Oh and he was bladder incontinent too which meant he spent his final days constantly laid on puppy pads and towels. The other indicator for me was the quietness in the car going to the Vets. Felix hated car journeys with a passion and would make his feelings very well known.

Thanks both. Will see vet again I think. DD not coping well with the prospect.

So sorry, does sound like it's time, heartbreaking for all who love him but if he can't be cured it will be the final kind loving thing you do for him 💐

He shit in the dining room last night, he's never done that before, even when he was small 😞

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My girl pissed on my pillow the day she was PTS. Thats how I knew it was time. It was so out of character for her. And I looked at her and suddenly just knew.

What a beautiful boy @gotthearse , have you spoken to his vet yet? (Not just for his last journey, maybe he has something that can be fixed?)

Also, depending on how you feel about it, have you considered home euthanasia? I did this with my beloved Pud and it was so peaceful. If you are in the Midlands it's Dignipets

I'd try one last thing if he still eats and is otherwise slower but ok apart from the incontinence. Try putting a bit of cat nip in the cat litter tray. My old boy was a bit incontinent at the end but otherwise ok just old. When I put the cat nip into his litter tray it drew him to the litter tray and his incontinence was very rare after that. He had one last summer in the sun. So about 8-9 months longer in good health once the incontinence stopped before he had a seizure and had to be PTS. He was 18 1/2 then.

I'm so so sorry OP. If it were me, I'd think it was time.
Like PP, my lovely boy (also ginger, also 17) was put to sleep in January. It was unexpected, I'd hoped he would have one more summer with us, but he slowed right down. Stopped coming upstairs, still eating, did some wees on the kitchen floor that we struggled to figure out (was it just water / was the litter tray lid bothering him etc) then about two weeks in he came upstairs, put his head on my tummy and laid down and weed on my lap. He didn't know he had done it, he jumped up as I tried to figure out why my lap was suddenly so warm, after it had sunk through the duvet.
I think I knew then - it was so unlike him. I took him to the vet the next day and they found a lump in his tummy - we don't know if it was the cause or not but I knew, at 17, I wasn't doing any investigations or treatments, he hated the vet and the lack of dignity for him to wee himself was just too much.
It was such a hard choice, but I had to keep reminding myself that it was hard for me, because I loved him so so much. for him, it was the right choice.
If I could do it again, I would have had the vet out to do it (I took him in hoping there would be a quick solution maybe a kidney infection, but when they said there was a lump I knew I wouldn't take him home and bring him back again, it wasn't right for him). So if you do decide and you have the option, I'd ask someone to come out.
Whatever you decide, I'm so sorry for your sadness - it's a terrible pain to lose a pet, they are part of your home, your family and your heart. Take comfort that it hurts so much because you loved him so much, and you've had a good run together. My boy was by my side for 17 years, he was there through relationship breakups, my wedding day and the birth of my daughter. When I am sad at his absence, I remember all the parts of my life he has been part of over the years and it gives me some comfort.

I don't know how old your DD is, but with mine (she's four now) I prepared her last year (I thought it would be my other cat, his brother, who would go first who she is deeply bonded to) and we read Goodbye Mog, and now we often talk about kitty being up in the sun and keeping one eye on us. I used the same words to explain, I spoke about the long sleep and how very very tired he was. And we talk about him all the time.
Perhaps not appropriate if your daughter is older, but it seems to have been pitched at the right age with mine.
I did keep her out of the conversations though, I told her Dcat was very tired and I was going to talk to the vet, and that it might be time for his long sleep, but I told her after we had been through the process and I had come to terms with it too.

She is almost 18 😆. But she can't remember life without him. It only occurred to her he was mortal a couple of years ago, and she burst out crying on the spot. If we can get past her a-levels this summer that would be great, but I shan't make him go on if he is unhappy. Vets this week. The pic is the day he came home from the rescue. They thought he was about 5 months.

It sounds so like my boys @gotthearse - although they were both 14 when DD came home from the hospital, not the other way round! But they've lived my whole adult life with me, I understand how difficult this all is for you.
Biggest of hugs x