Finding it hard to cope with the grief of losing my beloved boy

[Star348]

I hope no one minds me starting a new thread so soon after my last one.
Some of you will have read my post yesterday about my Rupert who I sadly had to let go last night after months of ill-health. I thought I could cope last night because I know it was the right thing but it's really hit me like a ton of bricks this morning and I just keep bursting into tears. I'm finding it hard to remember him as he was in his prime, despite loads of lovely photos and videos of him and all I can see in my head is how poorly and sad and deflated he looked last night, it broke my heart. I'm also torturing myself that I could have done something differently, it feels like no one including the vets realized that he had something far more serious than pancreatitis and I feel so sad that maybe he could have been let go earlier or that at least some different treatment could have made him more comfortable or given him a happier last few months. I just feel so devastated for him.

Sorry for rambling on. He was such a an amazing cat, he had admirers in the local community who would come to visit him - we've made friends with people who we would have never met if it wasn't for him. He used to follow us on walks and want to come with our dogs when we took them out.

Does anyone have any advice on how to cope? It feels so heavy right now and like it will never get better.

Attached a few more photos of my beautiful boy

Will you be having his ashes back? Some of mine went in the woodland at the pet crematorium, but one of them is in a little wooden casket and is in my bedroom and it gives me comfort to know that he is still close in a way.

@evenstar yes I am having his ashes back

It does get better. Takes a while, but it does. Getting another cat is what helped me the most.

I love the pic of him in 'his' lounger

@Toddlerteaplease yes, I have two other cats and two dogs so clinging on to them right now but it's also brought into sharp focus that my two girls are getting on (both nearly 13) and while they're in good health, things can change.
@Windymcwindyson yes! He was such a a character

I think he will have been at his happiest with you and his family close by during his final months. Try to focus on the love between you but allow yourself to grieve. He deserves to be missed. 💐

I understand your feelings about the treatment as that was the same for my boy that I have kept with me. I think you have to be gentle with yourself, you were advised by the vet and it is very hard to know when you should stop. It will get better, I think there are some animals that are “heart” animals and although losing any pet is hard there are some that will be missed forever and once you move to acceptance in your grief, the good memories will be something you focus on.

I am so sorry for your loss - he was a beautiful boy and he was lucky to have such a wonderful life with you. I second getting another cat - not to replace him, but to celebrate the love he brought into your lives. Time makes the biggest difference. It will get better. I made a list of all the things that made our cat special and ordered a little stone from Etsy with her name on it which I used to mark her ashes in the garden. I smile when I think of her now, but it's natural to focus on the sad things to start with while we come to terms with what happened. Please be kind to yourself and allow yourself time to process what has happened. Thinking of you.

What a gorgeous cat. I'm sorry you have lost him. Things will get better over time, you will start to feel a bit better soon and not be so sad. I was the same when our 13 year old DCat died but now I can look at photos and memories with love rather than the huge sadness you have when it's so recent.

I understand. I've always found the day after much harder as I think we go into a form of shock or disassociation on the day itself.

I dread the day when I will lose my special boy who sounds very similar to Rupert.

In the past I have found the Blue Cross pet bereavement helpline extraordinarily kind and compassionate.

Don't torture yourself with what ifs. He knew he was loved and you gave him the best life.

I am so sorry, hugs 🫂

Be careful with Facebook memories and time hop as they catch you off guard.

Thank you for all your lovely replies, still feeling very hard to bear tonight but been playing with my other fur babies which helps a bit

So sorry op. You will always miss him but the raw grief you're feeling now will become easier to cope with. Time heals is a cliche but it's true. Things that helped me were gettimg some of my favourite photos printed and framed and having them dotted around the house. I talk to her a lot and touch the spots where she liked to sleep. I felt awful grif for probably around six weeks after she died but I get comfort now from the memories of her.

@TastyLikeARaindrop thank you so much for your kind reply. I'm going to do that with the photos and I've also made an album on my iPad of photos and videos of him to remind myself of the good times. Glad you can now look back at the memories with your cat too

So sorry you are going through this loss. Lost my boy in December, like you things made worse as vet did not diagnose his tumour. Like you I felt guilt that he had been treated in his last days when it was pointless, but like you I followed the vet’s advice and even thinking back don’t know what I could have done with the info we had. They mask so well but his weight loss was terrifying.
Think we have to accept that we did our best for them all their lives and gave them a great life.
Time does ease things and I got another cat very soon , but still miss my boy.
Take care and be kind to yourself.

@Star348

I'm so sorry! What a beautiful boy! Time, hummmm if I think too hard about them I cry about mine who have long passed, but day to day I can have a smile remembering their daft antics!! You'll get there, even though it doesn't feel like it right now. I was a sobbing mess when our hamster died & I still miss the wee girl.

Jezzabelle here is 22, I know it's right because we had her Mum, your girls could have a long, long, time left yet. Jezzy stil enjoys a wander around the garden, up & down the street & last year knocked two puppies into shape!

What a handsome boy, I can tell he was adored and had the best life with you. You made a hard choice that was the best thing for him. Sending you love, time is the only thing that healed the pain for me, and it will for you too xx

What gorgeous photos of fluffy Rupert!

I'm so sorry, this is an awful time for you. They are a big part of our lives and it does take time for the pain to fade, but it will happen.

I was on the other thread and it was so clear that you were doing absolutely everything possible for Rupert. There was honestly no more you could have done. You took such good care of him. Cuddle your other cats and try to remember the funny things Rupert did that made you laugh (they all have some!).

So very sorry for your loss, I lost my beloved Pud at the beginning of January so can certainly sympathise, and same as you, at the beginning I could not remember him being fit and well, just how frail he was at the end, but as the days pass the memories of him in his prime are starting to reassert themselves: I see him running down the steep stairs with his tail at an funny angle for balance, or sitting on the windowsill enjoying the view....so I hope this happens for you too and the good memories take over💐

We lost our beautiful DBoycat when he was 17 in July 2021 and I still have the odd cry over him. I loved him more than I love most humans.

I found it hard to reconcile PTS but there wasn't anything we could do.

It takes time and you lost your beautiful boy recently.

We can only give them the best lives we can and love them as hard as we can. They never live long enough.