We adopted two cats from the DSPCA in early 2020 (shortly before Covid). They came from a house with about 30 cats. The owner was an elderly lady who wasn't able to care for them properly. The cats were like chalk and cheese. The male cat is very playful and affectionate and loves nothing more than a cuddle on your lap. The female cat is very anxious and nervous. If you so much as took a step towards her, she'd run away. She didn't want to be petted and if you lifted her up, she'd panic and struggle to get out of your arms. I always had cats as a child but never encountered one like this before. I wasn't quite sure what to do. A bit of online googling suggested that she was never socialised and isn't used to being handled. I wondered if she was a bit of a wild cat who had been tempted into the old lady's house by cat food. But she's meticulous about using her litter tray.
Eventually, I decided to leave her be. Trying to show affection in the usual manner was just causing her undue stress. So I stopped trying to pet her even though she's beautiful and I wanted to bury my face in her fur and just fed her and played with her etc. I spent a lot of time at home during lockdown and I discovered that she loves chasing those little cat balls. I'd roll it up the hall and she'd chase after it. She much preferred this to the fishing rod type toys.
We've had the cats almost four years now and she has grown accustomed to us somewhat. It's been a very slow and gradual process though. First she would jump up and sit at the end of the sofa when I'd be sitting at the other end. Then DD discovered she could pet DCat's back if she held out her hand first and let DCat sniff it (no sneaking up behind her). For some reason, she doesn't like her head being rubbed. I was on holidays one year and when we came back, she walked along the back of the sofa and stepped down onto the arm of the sofa beside where I was sitting and rubbed her face against my arm/face. I guess she missed me.
I was sitting on the sofa recently and DCat and I were slow blinking at each other for a bit and to my absolute amazement, she stepped up onto my lap and sat down. On her own. Voluntarily. I was almost afraid to breathe. After about 5 minutes, she got up again and wandered off. I'm a very happy cat mammy 
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