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Join our community of cat lovers on the Mumsnet Cat forum for kitten advice and help with cat behaviour.

Original poster

Do cats need a friend?

60 replies

GSD20 · 22/12/2023 08:06

We had two cats. Both boys who were best friends, cuddled and slept together. Sadly one vainished/presumed died around 10 months ago. The remaining cat is middle aged, the other was younger. Hes always lived with another cat, at one point we had 4 but now down to just him.

Since then his friend has been okay, mostly potters around the garden keeping the mice population from exploding and sleeping on our beds. He seem fine, no negative behaviours. He sometimes unsuccessfully tries to get the dog to play with him but doesn’t really bother with us other than to request food.

I was thinking about getting another younger cat to keep him company (and to help with the mice- we live very rurally with outside pets and there’s millions of the buggers in everything!) Im a little worried it would upset the balance though. Do cats need friends? Can they be happy solitary?

OP posts:
marmaladeandpeanutbutter · 22/12/2023 08:17

Our then 9 year old learned to tolerate the kitten but never became friends with him.

amylou8 · 22/12/2023 08:55

He will most definitely won't thank you for getting a kitten. In general cats tolerate other familiar cats, they don't actually seek out their company. You do get cats that are bonded as it sounds like yours were, but usually they are siblings, mother and kitten or introduced when they are both very young. If you want a kitten then he'll get used to it in time, but don't get one for his benefit.

WashingAt30 · 22/12/2023 09:23

I always thought cats were designed to be solitary. Apart from lions almost all wild cats are solitary. We used to have two sisters and they hated each other. All our other cats have been solitary, and seemed happy!

hazelnutlatte · 22/12/2023 09:27

My 2 cats are definitely not friends! They mostly avoid each other. Some cats are more sociable with each other though, my next door neighbours cat made a best friend from a few doors down, and they figured out how to outsmart the microchip cat flap so they could both get in both houses and snuggle on the sofa together!

margotrose · 22/12/2023 09:31

If cats were truly solitary animals, then feral colonies wouldn't exist.

We've always had multiple cats and we've never had any fights or problems between them. Our three boys are 8, 3 and 8 months and they all get on like a house on fire.

The 8 year old especially has had a new lease of life since we brought the kitten home. They play, they wrestle, they groom each other and share beds and resources with no problem - they've even been known to use the same litter tray at the same time 😂

Personally I think the reason many people struggle with multi-cat households is because of a lack of resources and space.

Movinghouseatlast · 22/12/2023 09:36

It depends on the cat I think.

We got 2 cats who are sisters. As kittens they were inseparable but as soon as they were around 6 months old they just started ignoring each other. They don't interact at all.

It's a pain as I really hoped they would keep each other company when we go away, but no.

Feliciacat · 22/12/2023 09:39

I think it depends on your cat. We had two brothers who were so bonded but then one got hit by a car and died :( We spent six months grieving the dead cat and then got another cat since DH wanted two cats.

Cat number one was 3 years old when we got a five month old kitten. He had been happy living as a solo cat and having all the attention from us. He tried to be friends with the kitten but the kitten doesn’t like him and they get jealous of each other. I think both our cats would be more suited to being solo! They tolerate each other though.

I notice that a lot of shelter cats are advertised as ‘must go as a solo cat’. I think some cats really love having their human/s all to themselves and to me, that is the determiner as to whether you should get another. Don’t get another for his sake unless he seems lonely. You can get another if it’s what you want as long as you know he might not get on with the new cat. If you have a big enough home then the cats don’t have to like each other. It’s hard to say what is right!

Autumn1990 · 22/12/2023 09:40

It depends on the cat. One years ago lost his friend at 15 and we got him a kitten and he was delighted.
My parents current cat is definitely an only cat.
I’ve acquired a semi feral colony and they’re ve rttt happy altogether.

RepetitiveMotion · 22/12/2023 09:45

The thing I love the most about this is that it’s clear there isn’t a one size fits all answer. Just like humans, cats are individuals. Some like other cat company, some don’t. Some like some other cats but not all. Some need lots of human attention, others don’t.

They are all fabulous! 😻

BlueberryVelvet · 22/12/2023 09:45

It’s well known that feral cats live in colonies so no, they’re not “meant” to be solo. Some love company others can take it or leave it, others don’t want company.

It all depends on the cat and you won’t know until you try. What about fostering? If your cat is not happy you can find a good home for your foster?

lalaloopyhead · 22/12/2023 09:47

We have sibling cats 1 male and 1 female - they tolerate each other. Male cat is definitely dominant and female cat is a different cat when he is not around. I think she would be much happier if she was without 'friend'.

Original poster
GSD20 · 22/12/2023 09:49

My current cat seems a pretty friendly chap, he’s always trying to get the dog to play with him hence why I wondered if he would be better with a companion.

I have a big house with a large garden surrounded by fields, they could get away from eachother If required I think.

I don’t think a rescue would work. We have big big dogs and toddlers. I think it would be a lot for an adult cat to be introduced too.

OP posts:
Mabelface · 22/12/2023 09:52

Mine likes visiting cats, such as when I've minded my friend's two. His preference is another neutered male and he'll curl up to sleep with them. I would have another, but I can't afford the food and insurance for more than 1 right now.

He did like my daughter's kitten who lived with us from 9 weeks to 18 months. He taught her how to cat.

LenaLamont · 22/12/2023 09:55

It’s been 6 years and the old cat still loathed the younger one we got “for company” after old cat’s brother died.

6 years of daily brawls interspersed with with periods of ignoring.

They hate each other. Getting a kitten was a mistake.

Floopani · 22/12/2023 09:58

My cat is definitely a solo cat, in fact he went missing from his original home for a good few years as a stray before we adopted him from a rescue. He was chipped, so his original owners had been contacted, but apparently the events leading up to him going missing were they got a new kitten and had a new baby and he has been really stressed and unhappy and in the end they think he voted with his feet. They didn't feel it was fair on him to go back when he was found, so we got to rescue him.

He is very territorial and super bonded to me. The only time he miaows is if I have been out for too long and I get told off on my return. He would hate it if we got another cat and probably leave again.

margotrose · 22/12/2023 10:15

I notice that a lot of shelter cats are advertised as ‘must go as a solo cat’

I think a lot of that is because they don't know the cats' history and have no idea whether they've lived with other cats before.

Feliciacat · 22/12/2023 10:31

@margotrose ah I see. Ok, that makes sense. I guess I’m coming from the perspective of rescue cats as that’s what we go for. They can be very variable. I guess non-rescue cats are more secure and would do better with new friends.

SallyWD · 22/12/2023 10:36

I really think that unless cats are living with cats they've known since birth they really don't like other cats! Yes they'll grow to tolerate each other but I don't think they'll be happy. I know of loads of cases where people say their two cats were best friends but then one dies and the remaining cat becomes much happier and more confident.
I think people usually buy another for themselves really. It's not for the benefit of the cat.

margotrose · 22/12/2023 10:38

@Feliciacat I think many cats end up in rescue because they've been dumped or abandoned and therefore rescues have no idea about their past or even whether they've lived in homes before.

I also think it's harder to introduce two adult cats - whereas a kitten is (generally speaking) less of a threat and more of a hyperactive pain in the bum Grin

We've always introduced kittens/teenagers to our established cats - we've never had a single fight in seven years. I wouldn't want to try introducing an adult into the group though, as I think it would really upset the dynamics.

margotrose · 22/12/2023 10:40

Yes they'll grow to tolerate each other but I don't think they'll be happy.

Mine are genuinely much happier living with other cats - to the point that when one goes to the vet, the others search and cry for him. When our girl cat passed away in May, our resident boy was absolutely devastated. He sat in all her spots, searched for her, cried for her - it was heartbreaking.

stayathomer · 22/12/2023 10:41

I think totally dependent on the cat- we had one who just wanted to be around the others, our cat now has never been happier since being alone!

Lindy2 · 22/12/2023 10:47

My cat does not like cats. They only like humans. I don't think they realise they are actually a cat.

IncompleteSenten · 22/12/2023 10:53

I think they can really benefit from a friend but of course they have to be carefully introduced and given proper time to bond.

Or you let them choose. My cat once brought a stray in to live with us. I didn't get a choice.

It's funny, she hates all cats (and dogs and most people) and every other cat that's set foot in the garden before and since she's sent packing minus half their fur but him she just fell for and she led him into the house where they lived happily for a few months until sadly he died. She was distraught. Yowling, looking for him, refusing to eat. It was heartbreaking.

Before that I would have been adamant that she didn't need a friend and I would have been wrong. She did. She just needed the right friend.

Beago1dfish · 28/12/2023 21:32

Lindy2 · 22/12/2023 10:47

My cat does not like cats. They only like humans. I don't think they realise they are actually a cat.

I also have a cat like this. He would be absolutely livid if I introduced another cat. Cats are like people though. Some like company; some don’t.

Sophierx89 · 28/12/2023 21:35

If he's been around other cats and was ok with them I'd say go for it! I'd love to get another kitten but my 6 year old cat is a spoilt princess! We have a mini lop house rabbit and the cat detests her.