How long before older cats stop attacking too-playful kitten?

[Heronatemygoldfish]

Hi
We've a new kitten that we've had just over a month. I realise it's still early days but things seem to be getting worse not better. We've got two older cats - one 10.5y huge moggy neutered male (about 5.5-6kg so a bruiser) and his mum (about 4.5kg and we think about 12-13y) and they just don't get on.

Kitten's a Maine Coon so is already, at 17 weeks, almost as visually big if not nearly as heavy as them. He wants to play. All.the.flipping.time. Normal kitten behaviour.

We distract with a gazillion toys but he wants the cats to play. Couldn't afford two sibling kittens. It's caused massive amounts of hissing which has now progressed to growling, howling and swiping on the part of the others, though boycat's worse. He can't go and sleep anywhere in peace now without the kitten bugging him.

We've had to shut the kitten out of the main room, but of course this now means the older cats have to ask to go out even to the litter tray! So not ideal for anyone. Returning the kitten to the breeder is not an option*.

Last night he went after a stuffed toy, he's that desperate to play with something that looks like a cat! (Though a bottlebrushed fluffy kitten crab-walking at a stuffed toy lion was hilarious!)

Any advice? Please? We got Feliway plug-ins and a spray before he even arrived - so I'd hate to think how bad it would be if we hadn't! Or do we simply (!) have to wait for the kitten to start calming down a bit?

*We got a third cat because our ASD teen was desperate for his 'own' cat and it was going to be good for his mental health in his GCSE year. And I've wanted a MC for decades, so from a human POV it works. Cats, not so much...

The pic sums it up, really...

I always feel so sorry for older settled cats put in this position.
Can you imagine being at home all day, wanting to sit with your cuppa, watching daytime tv or scrolling through FB, and having a 3 year old constantly jumping on you shouting ‘Play with me! Play with me! Play with me!’ all day long when you just want to put your feet up?
They might never get on, and some cats can live to 20+ years old! Maybe he will settle down a bit when he gets neutered or gets a bit older though. Until then you are going to be very busy playing with him to keep him occupied!

We rehomed a kitten end of May this year on the farm. The litter came from a feral cat on another farm, only one survived to be old enough to move, hence why a singleton. I'd say it took maybe 3, perhaps 4 months for existing cat to settle with him. Basically as soon as the kitten was old enough that she'd smack him properly, he learned to back off. They now actually hang out together a fair amount (at a distance, but both sleeping in the same polytunnel for example, when they could easily choose separate spaces).

It sounds like your adult cats are definitely telling him off properly now, so hopefully he'll get the message soon.

They're teaching him how to cat and also some manners! He'll learn.

Thanks! I hope they're teaching him some manners! I keep telling him not to be so rude. He's already neutered (was done really early) so one less thing to worry about. We were doing really well today until about teatime and then chaos. Must also check the feliway diffuser since it's possibly running out.

I do feel for my cat. Today we had proper snuggles so I hope she's getting more tolerant. Guess I was hoping that ther would be snuggles but they've never done that with each other so guess not!

Meanwhile on with the play! (We wouldn't have got him if we didn't wfh and be there in the day... but wow it's distracting!)

We've introduced kittens to resident cats multiple times over the years and have never once experienced anything like this.

If the kitten isn't picking up on any queues from the adults, then you need to step in and separate in order to give the older cats some space (and peace and quiet).

The fact that your adults are resorting to growling and the kitten still isn't understanding really worries me tbh. You don't want them to fight.

I don't think it helps that the kitten is the same size as an adult but with the behaviour of a kitten so is confusing the heck out the adults... they don't know whether to cut him slack or whack him.

Certainly going to be interesting when he's bigger than them, and still behaving like a toddler!

There's a Feliway Family and another called Feliway Friends, they are designed for multi-cat households, so that might help.

Otherwise you will just have to wait until he calms down. Unfortunately it isn't the right time of year to be able to let him outside to let off steam, or for the others to stay outdoors for a bit in order to keep out of his way!

Three years on and my older cat still hates my ragdoll kitten. In retrospect, he would have been much happier being an only cat after my other cat died.

He has loads of high up places to go but the ragdoll doesn't care if she gets hissed at and still occasionally tries to jump on him and play. He very rarely hits her, she has to push him really far for that to happen but right now she has an eye ulcer from when he swiped her last week.

In your situation I would rehome the kitten.

Ouch @Gingerkittykat ! Your poor ragdoll!
Rehoming is absolutely last resort. If things aren't improving by Christmas I'll see if we need to up the ante. Today has been calm so far and boycat has been purring on dh's lap which is first time in weeks.

Fingers crossed...

Update with thoughts (though no change to behaviour).

I'm now suspecting it's a personal space issue with the existing cats. Our adults don't (and never have) curl up together or do mutual grooming, despite being related (mum and male kitten) - still very much 'Personal space is gold'. They weren't too bad to begin with but after he got to about 16 weeks (was neutered by then which didn't help) we had a bad patch where they were forever swiping at each other and that didn't calm for months. We ended up with feeding stations separated by recycling bins, and that still holds after 10y.

It will still always cause a major barney if one tries to hop on the sofa when it's already occupied. So much so that DH and I send photos to each other if they're found asleep closer than a metre.

So I guess we should have seen the current situation coming. Add a friendly kitten (coincidentally about the same age - he's 19 weeks now) who is used to curling up with sibs and <boom>.

We're now waiting out kittenhood. We have got a stuffed lion toy to pretend fight with him and we're hoping he calms down enough to know about personal space before too long. Sad, really. I'd love cats that curl up but I'd have had to get one of his sibs for that, and we couldn't afford it.

Cat tax attached. He's growing like topsy.

He's gorgeous.

It does sound like your older cats aren't really "cat cats" and unfortunately that's something that will never really change, but hopefully they'll all learn to co-exist eventually.

@Heronatemygoldfish have you tried a collar with bell on for the youngster? It'll alert the older cats and no longer surprise when they're snoozing🙂

Do you have 4 litter trays and 4 feeding bowls? I read that you really should have number of cats +1 with all resources for cats, so there is never a competition.

Many feeding bowls, two trays but only the kitten uses them as we have a catflap. When dkitten arrived we had to put the flap to in-only which p'd the others off as they had to ask to go out. Now it's fully open as Mr Cleverclogs worked it out stupidly quickly. He can't get out the garden yet and it's reduced some pressure. Tempted to get a cat tracker for Christmas!

Update to this.
Kitten is now a year old and though we still get the odd lot of hissing, it's so much better. They don't play or sleep together (as suspected) but the ginger menace is now way bigger and heavier so that's probably as well! But much calmer thank goodness. Cat tax paid :)

Oh. My. Gods! He is gorgeous!

Glad that he's settled a bit, and hopefully he will become the lap cat your ASD child. MCs are often more "dog like" than other breeds, so that bodes well.