My cat's ashes

[Gettingbysomehow]

I'm in such a state this morning, the last few days I know I have to let go of my darling cat's ashes, she was so very special. She was with me through all life's most difficult moments for 21 years, all through my divorce, all through my move across country, never complaining, always by my side.
Anyway she finally died at 21 and I've hung on to her ashes for the last 2 years, the plan was we'd have our ashes scattered together when I die by my DS.
Recently I had to dig up my pond after she died as it was leaking badly and there has just been a hole there since looking awful so I bought a lovely cherry tree to put in it and today is the full moon relevant because I'm a pagan. I'd planned to plant it on the full moon.
And suddenly I thought wouldn't this be a perfect place and time to bury her there. As if it was meant to be. The pond was her absolute favourite place.
I have a little shrine for her in my house and there is a statue that contains her ashes. But I think I have been hanging onto her ashes in an unhealthy way, because I can't let her go and I think it's time now. I also don't believe it's healthy to have death in the house in whatever form.
Everything has come together perfectly, but I am in floods of tears at the thought of putting her in her last resting place.
I had 6 lovely graves for my other cats in my last house which was meant to be my forever home but then my husband left me and I had to move as I couldn't afford the mortgage on my own. So I've already left the last 6 behind which broke my heart and I think has made me hang onto her.
I know I should give her back to nature but it's just breaking my heart,
If you've read this far am I being ridiculous?

No you aren't being ridiculous but if she loved the pond a cherry tree and ritual burying sounds perfect.

We dug a little rose bed for our old boy in a place he liked to watch from. I had a little plaque made for it with his name and dob and dod.

What you are planning sounds lovely for both you and her. Our old boy is probably happier in the garden than on the sideboard.

That sounds lovely @Gettingbysomehow , do you have a paw print or snippet of fur/ stray whisker to keep as a memnto? Or keep the container in her memory?

Not at all ridiculous.

I've deleted my message as I got the wrong end of the stick.

You're not being ridiculous, but it will be a good time for her to move on. Hugs.

Massive hugs from me, I think the idea of placing her with a cherry tree is lovely.

Well I've done it and I feel so much better. She's in the garden under her own little tree. I can sit out there in summer and talk to her. Her name was Bluebell so I've ordered some English bluebells to plant under the tree and hopefully they will come up in spring in her memory.
None of us belong on a sideboard. We should go back to nature.

Good for you, what a lovely idea.

My old man is on top of the fridge freezer coming up on 2 years...😕I was going to bury the ashes in his favourite part of the garden, but I haven't been able to bring myself to do it. His favourite place in the house was the kitchen, so... it's not the best place but it keeps him out of reach of the two marauders who moved into his home since...

You sound so lovely and kind. When my beloved boy goes I already know where I'm going to put him. By his special sedum plant in the garden where he loves to drink the water off the leaves after it rains.
And a special pagan ceremony sounds absolutely perfect.

That sounds lovely, OP, and a perfect place for Bluebell to return to the earth.

Sounds perfect and your instinct is telling you to go with this lovely resting place. It may help to look into attachment difficulties, in terms of letting things go. I have this difficulty and I find 'endings' very, very difficult, to the point of not being able to scatter my Father's ashes for 9 years. It's not healthy, you are expressing your deep love for your pet and setting her free in this way will help you too. 💐

I’ve still got my Dad in my spare room wardrobe after five years. He expressed a wish to be scattered off the north Norfolk coast and I even bought a biodegradable container to launch him in rather than getting a faceful of ashes. I’ve taken him up there with me several times but have never managed to do it. I’ll get round to it one day but in the meantime I tell myself he enjoys the ride. 😂