Cat stressed due to other cat

[CosyKnits]

We've found ourselves in a seemingly impossible situation, so I'm turning to your collective wisdom in the hope that there is a solution.

We have two indoor cats, a nearly 16 year old girl (incredibly soft, has never so much as raised a paw to us) and a nearly 13 year old boy (very loving, but also unpredictable and prone to lashing out).

They have never gotten along. We introduced our boy when our girl's brother died aged 3 and there has been tension since day one. We've tried various things over the years, but our boy "polices" her, will jump on her randomly etc. They are both big cats, but luckily she is bigger and they rarely fight, it's just swipes etc. He has mellowed a lot but now she's older, it's clearly becoming more stressful. She keeps developing urinary tract infections, has lost a lot of weight, is eating less. The vet says it's stress, and we know that means it's him.

We've tried lots of things - feliway, anti-depressants for our boy. Separating them in the house is not an option, it would be too difficult to do. As horrible as it is to contemplate, it feels like letting our boy go might be the only option (other than putting our girl to sleep, which we would not do unless she was really suffering). Can anyone suggest anything else? We will all be heartbroken to lose him.

Why is separating him too hard? What are the issues preventing that?

You have had him a long time and it would be awfully damaging for him to be rehomed now. Most older cats are not rehomed and are PTS by places like the RSPCA.

You also don't know what not having him around would mean for your girl.

I would try harder to separate them initially and test the theory that her issues are down to stress before making such a permanent change.

Thank you for your reply.

If we separated them, we would have to have one upstairs and there simply isn't enough room. The would be confined to a narrow corridor, stairs and one room. It wouldn't be fair long term but you're right, we should test the theory first - thank you.

Just to be clear, we would absolutely not be handing him over to a rescue. If we did have to rehome (absolutely last resort) we would find the person ourselves through friends/family.

We have separated them in the past and our girl has been very happy, so I am not concerned that she would be upset by his absence (she barely noticed when her brother died and they were very close).

Short term restricting one of them to a small area won't hurt them (have had to do it recently too)

But it sounds like your boy is bored especially being indoors. Cats are not designed to be caged, regardless of how big that cage is.

Have you tried enrichment toys? We have a 12 year old and 1 year old that we have adopted recently and the 1 year old was a complete night.are whilst we had to keep her in. She was desperate to be out and boredom. Has seen her attack everything and everyone....I could rent her out to local decorators to help with wallpaper removal. Having enrichment toys has helped a lot. Simple things like a whiskas egg thing that you hide treats in and they have to wobble it to get them out, a ring thing with holes in that has a ball inside they have to catch etc. Honestly a game changer!

We wouldn't ever have indoor cats again, but it's too late to introduce them to the outside world now (we live on a busy road and the very first thing they would do is go and sit in the middle of it!).

We do have toys but he is very strong and has a tendency to simply destroy anything we give him. I will do some research and find some hardier, enrichment ones.

Thank you very much!

Try dog kong toys as they should be hardier!!

I would make sure you have ruled out everything before you rehome though. It will be a huge upheaval for him at such an old age.