What happens to the cat? MIL EOL

[fuffa]

My MIL is very sadly going through end of life care. She has a cat who's around 12 years old and is extremely skittish. DH is his mum's carer and has never petted the cat because she is terrified of everyone apart from MIL. DH is a cat lover.

I don't even know what the cat looks like in the 11 years I've known MIL and have been at her house countless times as the cat is so timid and scared of other people.

We have an elderly cat ourselves who is deaf and not in the best of health himself so I don't know how he would take to a strange cat coming into his home. Plus we have 2 primary aged children and the cat has never lived with children before.

What do people do in these situations?

They can have a personality change after being rehomed. It’s worth fostering her and seeing if she warms up when your the only humans around.

I would take it to vets and have it PTS. Made into jewellery and put in with MIL when she passes.

I'm not trying to be cruel, I think it would be the kindest thing for the poor thing. It's going to be so sad and confused in any other situation.

I'd tell her the cat will come home with you and will have a lovely life, safe and loved. And then I'd make a nice, quiet corner of the bedroom for her and hope that with time, she'd be able to come out - she could be hiding because he's a stranger coming into her house and would be happier once she associates him with the smells of her new home.

The alternative of putting her into a rescue or putting to sleep seems so unfair and could cause your MIL so much extra distress.

Take the cat in. Keep it in a room in your house for as long as you can. It will come round. Our cat is extremely skittish, hardly anyone who visits has met her but she loves all of us now. It took a couple of years for her to trust the children. Your older cat may also take time but will come round.

We had a similar situation last year (no one in the family could adopt it due to young children, allergies and other pets) so we rang a local cat sanctuary who fostered her and cat was so settled the Foster carer adopted dcat.

We were in a similar situation, although the cat in question wasn’t as timid as the one you’re dealing with here, similar age though. No one in the family was able to take her, so we contacted local Cats Protection, explained the situation, and the cat was fostered (briefly) and then re-homed. We were really pleased at how quickly it was all sorted, a big relief for all of us when we knew she was safely in a new home.

Speak to Cats Protection. I see loads on our local website saying they are up for adoption due to owner having to go into a home, etc. They also have elderly cats of 15+ years (sadly). Otherwise call the RSPCA as they have adverts on TV saying they can look after them if you are no longer around. Please don't put her to sleep without trying, most centres also look for stables/barns for the semi feral if she is this.

It's so difficult to know what to do for the best.

DH has told MIL he will be taking the cat so she doesn't worry.

Maybe we should try our home first, I'm not sure of the benefits to going straight to rehoming without at least trying.

Separately, I think it might be a good distraction for DH when the time comes and give him a focus. He has cared for his mum for many years, and his dad before that. He is going to be completely lost when she dies.

Logistically, I'm not sure how it would work yet. We have a small home so there isn't really any nooks and crannies where the kids don't thunder about to keep the cat feeling safe while she settles in.

How do you go about getting a cat to use a litter tray when it's never done so before?

Cats usually adapt to litter trays really quickly. A selection of cardboard boxes will probably be sufficient for her to hide in and you can get soft beds shaped like a pyramid that shy cats like.
If she’s used to going outside after a few weeks she will probably be happy to go out again

This is good and kind advice. Until the cat is established in its new home make sure there are always two closed doors between the cat and outdoors.

get a nice framed picture of the cat MIL can have with her.

Cinnamon Trust provides permanent foster homes for cats in these situations.

MIL is at home and will be until the end so she'll always have the cat there until she passes.

Thank you for the kind advice.

I'm so sorry about your MIL.

Personally I would take the cat and see how she gets on. Keep her in one room with everything she needs and spend as much time in there with her as possible.

She may well have a complete personality transplant in a new environment and if it doesn't work, at least you've given it a chance.

I'd give it a go with the cat and see if you can make it work. Your husband might welcome the link with his mum in the house and something to transfer his care to.

Give her somewhere safe and as quiet as possible away from the children during the days (your bedroom if no spare room?) and let her explore the house at night. Introduce slowly to the other cat.

We have a very timid cat. She hides under furniture as soon as there is a knock at the door. She is even very wary of us and we have had her and her sister since they were kittens. She is very slowly coming round though (after four years!!!). Some cats are just nervy.

Yes, The Cinnamon Trust is an option. Make sure your MIL fills in the paperwork needed first as pets need to be registered with the charity before they take on animals.

12 years old is nothing! Please don't have her put to sleep and made into jewellery! 😲

If you do take her in give her lots of time and space and don't force any interactions with anyone else, human or animal, you may be surprised at the eventual outcome. Alternatively, you may find another owner for her in time, perhaps an older person on their own with no other pets.

12 years old is nothing! Please don't have her put to sleep and made into jewellery! 😲

I agree. That was an utterly ridiculous and vile suggestion.