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Join our community of cat lovers on the Mumsnet Cat forum for kitten advice and help with cat behaviour.

Is it time?

19 replies

user134276 · 22/10/2023 10:36

We have a beautiful boy who we rehomed 13 years ago. When we got him we were told he was around 4 but they had no way to know for sure. So we think he's about 16/17 now. He's so loved and a big part of our family.

About a year ago, overnight, he lost his sight. It was very distressing for him. We took him to the vets (which was also hugely distressing for him) and she said it was highly likely to be neurological. She also said his blood pressure was high and he likely had heart problems. The only treatment on offer were invasive scans and specialised food. We tried the specialised food but he didn't like it so we decided on quality of life over length and put him back on his beloved Sheba. We decided, along with the vet that at his age, scans and investigations were not the right choice. He's an incredibly nervous boy who hates going in the car and going to the vet with such a passion - he soils himself if he just sees the cat carrier. Again quality of life was more important.

A year later, here we are. He's pretty much stopped going outside - he used to love roaming about the garden. He spends all day on our sofa. He still enjoys a cuddle but if he's not on the sofa, he's roaming around the house in circles, miaowing. When we give him food, he can't find it unless we place him in front of it. He will miaow and miaow for food, even when he already has some. So we gently move him to his food bowl. He still eats well and will eat up to 6 pouches of food a day quite happily. He does go to the toilet outdoors but he doesn't clean himself well anymore which means we often have to wipe him or bathe him. He doesn't hate this but he definitely doesn't enjoy it. He doesn't ever leave our kitchen as he can't navigate the stairs or find his way to the living room. If we take him in with us he gets very stressed and disoriented.

He has episodes of shaking that last a few minutes, episodes of real disorientation where he goes in circles and bangs into things and episodes of his back legs going from underneath him. These episodes happen maybe once every 3 days.

We still get a lot of joy from his company and he purrs every time we sit on the sofa with him. But we work full time and are often out of the house. I worry about him whilst we are not there. He must be lonely trapped in his dark world.

We are due to go and visit family next week but I'm not comfortable leaving him. My husband says we can't never go away again and says that our boy could potentially live another few years like this. I agree with him but I also won't leave our boy if it's going to distress him.

But we are both now wondering if perhaps the quality of his life has gone down so much that it would be better to gently PTS. We have the name of a local vet nurse who will do home visits - we wouldn't take him to the vet as this would be so horrible for him it wouldn't be the end I would want.

Is it time? It's so so hard to know. He used to love going outside, which he can't do now. But he is still eating voraciously and loves a cuddle. But that's it. That's all he now has. Is that enough?

Long post sorry, but a bit of an emotional brain dump. I'm not sure I can't deal with the responsibility of choosing when he end his life, but I don't want him to suffer just because I can't make that choice.

OP posts:
Motnight · 22/10/2023 10:54

It's time, Op 💐

Toddlerteaplease · 22/10/2023 12:58

I agree. It's definitely time.

Grumpyoldpersonwithcats · 22/10/2023 13:26

Very sorry OP but I agree with the other posters. Definitely time I'm afraid.

user134276 · 22/10/2023 13:30

Thank you everyone. You have helped. We will get ready to say our goodbyes 😔

OP posts:
WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 22/10/2023 13:35

It's time @user134276 Flowers

user134276 · 22/10/2023 13:40

I'm so sad, he's been such a beautiful part of our family. So important too.

OP posts:
Girlontherailreplacementbusservice · 22/10/2023 13:44

It is the awful part of pet ownership, but the joys and rewards come with the great responsibility of having to decide when it is the time. I would agree with the other posters that it is the time. Let him go now while there is still a little happiness in his life rather than waiting for his quality of life to decline further and him having no joy left at all.
I'm so sorry you have to make this choice but the fact that you are asking means you know, at least on some level, that life is no longer what it should be for him.
It's great that there is someone that will come to you so he can spend his final minutes in comfort and familiarity - that has to be the very best end possible in the circumstances.

CesareBorgia · 22/10/2023 14:22

You are doing the right thing by letting him go while he still has some moments of pleasure. A peaceful end is the last and best gift you can give. Flowers

Pudmyboy · 22/10/2023 14:53

You have given him many years of love and care in a loving home and now you can give him the gift of a kind loving end, and to have it happen in the home he loves with his people around him.
Such a hard decision for you but you know your boy, if you think it's time it probably is.
Sending unMumsnetty hugs💐

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 22/10/2023 14:58

He,s a very good age, our old girl was 17 when we had to make the choice. She was still able to go out but I didn’t want her to go off somewhere by herself.

I did read somewhere that random mewing for no particular reason is a sign of cat dementia.

I’m agreeing with the other posters, it’s time .

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 22/10/2023 15:00

user134276 · 22/10/2023 13:40

I'm so sad, he's been such a beautiful part of our family. So important too.

And those are the memories your family will keep with you . And he will remember always being loved by you

user134276 · 22/10/2023 17:31

Thank you everyone. He's booked in for tomorrow. He's having a lovely cuddle now but he has been shaking most of the day. It's definitely time. Your messages have really helped me to see that. We will give him so so so much love tonight and he will have a beautiful peaceful send off.

OP posts:
Girlontherailreplacementbusservice · 22/10/2023 18:10

When I made the decision for my old girl 5 years ago we had a lovely night the night before. She was always a 'proper cat' i.e. any affection had to be on her terms but she spent the evening having cuddles and being groomed. I like to think that she was letting me know I was doing the right thing.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 22/10/2023 19:49

Be prepared that he will probably pee as he loses consciousness. Just his last little “ yeah you might want to clean that up” message to you 🐈‍⬛

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 23/10/2023 20:39

Just checking back. Hope your last day with your lovely cat was peaceful and he slid off without ceremony

PixiePirate · 23/10/2023 20:45

Hope you’re ok OP, understand this will have been an incredibly sad day for you.

You were lucky to find each other. These deep and loving connections with our humans and animals are what life is really all about.

user134276 · 23/10/2023 21:21

So sad.

I don't have any words today.

It was peaceful and exactly how it should have been. It really was time. But our home is missing him.

OP posts:
70isaLimitNotaTarget · 23/10/2023 21:47

There was something I read OP

the pain you feel now is so he doesn’t have to .

when our old girl was euthanised it was at the vets (she was ok going) she was facing me and the vet injected into her side. She put her paw out to me ( sob!) then sort of rolled onto her side (guided by the vet). It was peaceful all round and I would not have not been with her .
but yes they do tear a bit of your heart out don’t they

Girlontherailreplacementbusservice · 23/10/2023 21:51

user134276 · 23/10/2023 21:21

So sad.

I don't have any words today.

It was peaceful and exactly how it should have been. It really was time. But our home is missing him.

💔💐 he was a lucky boy to find such a loving home.

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