Bedtime neuroticism

[HelenFisksBrownSuit]

I have a tiny tabby that becomes slightly unhinged at bedtime. She happily spends the day doing her own thing but when it's bedtime firstly she comes to tell me by giving me baleful glances as she sits by the living room door.

Then she obsessively follows me around as I'm getting ready for bed, and once in bed she scent marks me to the point I feel really pissed off. She doesn't just want to be near me, she must be IN MY FACE, and ideally she will sleep actually on my head or in the crook of my neck.

She is madly jealous of my partner, and if we are talking she will literally stand in between us (in bed) so we can no longer see each other's faces. She whacks my boy cat when he tries to get on the bed.

It sounds cute. It isn't. It's completely suffocating. I used to take her down to the living room overnight and lock her in (with biscuits, water and a bed) just to get comfortable and not be disturbed at night. Of course she meows in a heartbroken way and scratches at the door.

Why is my cat so neurotic? Is there anything I can do to help her?

Honestly, I would shut both cats downstairs and ignore them completely. Her behaviour just sounds like attention seeking to me.

I know lots of people on MN will say they it's normal for cats to be waking you up at 3am by kneading your faces or biting your toes or screaming for food but it's not something I've ever tolerated with mine.

They go downstairs with food, water, toys, blankets, scratch posts and beds and then get left to it until morning. That's been the routine for every cat since we've owned them and they've never, ever had a problem and most importantly - we get a decent nights' sleep.

My cat gets very excited about me both going to bed, and waking up. She screams and follows me about while I get ready to bed, then wants about 20 minutes of cuddling. In the morning she tentatively meows around 6am, ready for the 20 minutes again.

I put some boundaries in place with her - she has an igloo in my room so goes off to that when she has had her cuddles, or goes off wandering around the house. If she tries to sleep on me, or close to me, or on my pillow at any point, I gently push her away. Same if she tries to wake me before 6am.

I did used to shut her away downstairs, for the first year I had her. It worked fine for a long time but then she started miaowing at night because of foxes, so I just let her roam the house instead, and it has been fine, after setting some ground rules.

She just wants affection. One of my cats Is constantly on me and I let her.

This is what I do with our three floofy goofballs. They sleep,we sleep,everyone is happy!

Stick her downstairs with a Feliway plug in.

And then practice ignoring. Ignore like you have never ignored before. After about 6 months the message starts to sink in.

I am definitely too soft, aren't I?

This morning she woke me up at before 7am by jumping on my head. It has to stop.

With cats you can train them but they also train you.

If your cat wanders about whining and looking baleful and like it's the worst day of their life, and you respond by giving them a cuddle, effectively they have learned it works and next time to whine louder and harder.

My whiney cat has added on a head tilt while making her eyes big. Works every time, it's just irresistable. She's also trained me to hold up the duvet in the middle of the night so she can burrow inside the bed.

However we do have some boundaries, mainly about not going out overnight. For that I can withstand any amount of shouting and stropping, it is just never going to happen.