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Join our community of cat lovers on the Mumsnet Cat forum for kitten advice and help with cat behaviour.

Original poster

My cat hates being petted

13 replies

canwetalkaboutcake · 13/10/2023 21:06

I think I have the only cat in the world who hates being stroked Sad

He is 18 months and I've had him since he was a 3 month old kitten. When he was young I thought he may grow into affection but he still hates being stroked, never rubs himself on people's legs, won't sit on my lap etc etc.
If anyone strokes him he will try and nip their hand.

It is quite sad, I love him but I meet lots of other cats who love affection and being petted, when I got a cat I was hoping he would be some nice company and be one of those cats. I wanted a cat that was mine for so long to have this bond and he just doesn't want to know.

He does sit in the room with me but always beyond touching distance. He will only come to me when he wants food, and even then he will bite me for attention.

Are some cats just like this, is this just his personality and unlikely to ever change?

He does have lots of treats, toys, play time, garden time etc so he is not deprived or depressed.

OP posts:
SharonTheHappySquirrel · 13/10/2023 21:10

Was he a farm cat by any chance? My friend had one who was alrightish as a kitten, but as an adult,he was bonkers, half feral really. They had an understanding that he would leave him alone and just provide him with food and water and admire from afar. Was interesting when he had to take him to the vets.

some cats are more affectionate than others. One of mine is currently curled up on my feet, actually on them, and the other is upstairs somewhere and rarely spends time in the same room as us. He comes to say hi and give a little head nudge, has never sat on my lap, but doesn’t bite or mind being picked up. Just quite happy by himself. It’s luck of the draw really

Original poster
canwetalkaboutcake · 13/10/2023 21:17

SharonTheHappySquirrel · 13/10/2023 21:10

Was he a farm cat by any chance? My friend had one who was alrightish as a kitten, but as an adult,he was bonkers, half feral really. They had an understanding that he would leave him alone and just provide him with food and water and admire from afar. Was interesting when he had to take him to the vets.

some cats are more affectionate than others. One of mine is currently curled up on my feet, actually on them, and the other is upstairs somewhere and rarely spends time in the same room as us. He comes to say hi and give a little head nudge, has never sat on my lap, but doesn’t bite or mind being picked up. Just quite happy by himself. It’s luck of the draw really

No he wasn't a farm cat, but he was born in a bit of a chaotic household with young children. I'm not sure if they were rough with him or whether this is just who he is.

OP posts:
WoollyBat · 13/10/2023 21:35

Oh I would find this hard OP! One of mine’s a bit of a curmudgeon but she’ll have a cuddle and pet once in a while.

Some cats are just like that, but even though he’s 18 months, I’d give him time. He might chill out. You could get another kitten maybe - it’s unlikely you’d get two like this.

Doyouthinktheyknow · 13/10/2023 21:43

My cat is also a curmudgeon, I can pick her up, she’ll squeak a bit but stay for 5 minutes purring away and then scarper and would never come on to my lap voluntarily.

She does like a fuss but on her terms. She is a needy fucker who never wants to be left completely alone so it’s a shame she’s not more tactile.

She’s a rescued ex breeding queen and came to us aged 4 so I think it’s her history.

We adore her and completely accept her for who she is. She follows me around the house, I know she loves me, she just can’t show it in the usual ways😻

She also hates other cats so we can’t get another!

margotrose · 13/10/2023 23:38

If cats aren't really, really thoroughly socialised as kittens then unfortunately this can be the result. It's why it's so, so important to force handling onto ferals or semi-ferals kittens much as possible while they're tiny,

Clarich007 · 13/10/2023 23:39

Some cats are just Ike this I think.
Mine is the same, I walked half a mile each way today looking for him.He took one look at me and couldn't get away fast enough.This happened 4 times as I followed him to his 3rd home.He looks, hisses and runs. It's awful when your cat does this.Not much I can do about it, 7 years in I don't think he will change.

lilmishap · 13/10/2023 23:45

I have a cat who chatters to me constantly but will attack if I move as if I might stroke her. She will also sit near me but and seems to enjoy my company as long as she is more than arms reach away.
It kicked in when she was about a year, as a kitten she only ever wanted to play and never wanted strokes but would tolerate it.

NGL it makes me feel shit at times.

cocksstrideintheevening · 14/10/2023 00:38

I think you have one of about 95% of cats that don't like being petted. They're arrogant fuckers.

crumpet · 14/10/2023 01:02

I have one cat who hates being picked up or cuddled,can be quite noisy, but will only sit on my stomach when I lie in bed.

the other won’t come near us as a general rule but occasionally will condescend to sit on a lap but ONLY if a cushion is placed there. They do (sometimes together, sometimes only one) sleep on the bed at night.

Remaker · 14/10/2023 01:16

When we got our two rescue kittens I was always reminding my kids that these were creatures with their own personalities and preferences and we needed to respect them. Over the years (they’re almost 9) they’ve gone through stages where one is much more cuddly than the other. But consistently only one will allow themselves to be picked up. I still bear the scars from picking the other one up recently. Apparently he really needed to take a piss in the laundry basket and I had no right to move him! But he adores me and likes to sleep on my feet. Cats are complicated!

FormerlyPathologicallyHappy · 14/10/2023 08:58

Sounds like he had a bad childhood basically. He’s still got time to warmup. He’s in the same room as you and that’s encouraging.

AllTheOtherCats · 14/10/2023 09:05

Just like us humans, some kitties don't want to be fussed and cuddled. It can, obviously, depend on their background and earlier experiences but even when a kitten has been socialised some cats simply don't want to be stroked/picked up/fussed. And that's totally fine! I have a kitty that I can't touch at all and sometimes it's so tempting but I've got to respect him. Cats are fantastic creatures and bring lots of other things to love them for ❤️

CornedBeef451 · 14/10/2023 09:19

My friend has a cat that avoids the whole family as much as possible and manages to look pissed off if he runs into any of them.

Mine are a mixed bag. 4 cats, no lap sitters, 2 extremely demanding for affection on their terms, 1 very shouty one and one the vet described as "spicy" as she tried to claw his face off to escape.

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