Apologies - this is super long.
I moved house 3 weeks ago. Kept my 3 cats in for the first 2 weeks (Honey is 4 yrs old, Cookie and Coco are 2 yr old sisters) Tentatively let them go out last weds, they seemed happy - particulalry after not being impressed at being cooped in for 2 weeks. The two sisters are just garden potterers. But Honey is a bit more of an adventurer. But as far as we can see even she doesn't travel particulalry far.
So on the first day out Honey started to defecate on the floor in one of the bedrooms. Totally unlike her. We put it down to the new house and anxiety. However I now retrospectively know that there was an unneutured male Tom hanging about hence her behaviour.
Anyway, Friday morning I let them out, dropped kids at school and came home. The sisters were waiting to be let in (was planning to install cat flap that weekend). Honey wasn't there, but no big problem as she does travel further. An hour or so later, I notice a gorgeous black cat sitting by my patio doors. The door is open so mine can come and go. The two of mine like other cats and are super friendly with them and I noticed they were sitting near. The next thing this cat runs in the house and goes for both my cats. It manages to get one of them (my tiny 2.4kg girl who was the runt of the litter 😭). I managed to drag him off her, and he obviously panics. He runs through the house instead of the way he came. He hits a dead end so legs it up my blinds, shredding them to pieces in the process... and proceeds to piss all over the place whilst dangling off my blinds!!!! I got him by the scruff eventually, and chucked him out the door.
I check on my little cat and can't find any obvious injuries. Obviously she is terrified though and goes off to tuck herself away.
As the afternoon ticks by I start to put two and two together and realise why Honey had been defecating. She still isn't coming back and I am now starting to worry. That evening we decide to go and search for her.
Whilst we are searching for her I manage to find the owners of the Tom cat who confirm he is not neutered. They said they planned to have him done but due to life changing diagnosis for one of them it hasn't been in the list of priorities. Understandable. So I offer to help if I can with anything.
After dark we go out again, with the dreamies and ham to try and tempt my cat home. No joy. All we end up with is every other cat who lives near by following me up and down the road like some kind of kitty pied Piper.
One of these cats follows us in to the house. I obviously put her back out. Now DP goes outside for his ecig regularly and this cat kept coming in, refusing to leave. Each time we'd put her back out, and each time she would find her way back in. In the end I said to DP let her sleep here. We will find the owners in the morning if she isn't a stray (she looked very much like a stray).
So the next morning I wake up and Not My Cat is still here. It's at this point I realise not only is she scrawny and unkempt looking but she is also full of fleas. I put Bravecto on her as whatever she had been treated with (if at all) clearly wasn't working as she was riddled in them.
At 6am DP goes out in search for Honey again, with no joy. We carry on going out throughout the day to find her. Meanwhile Not My Cat continues to resist being put outside.
Mid afternoon we find Honey who was hiding herself on a fence in conifers, not far at all from out house. She is just sitting there silently. Not miaowing or acknowledging our presence at all. I got her home and could see she had a weepy eye and her claws bared the tell tale signs of fighting. She had clearly had an altercation with big black tom cat and didn't want to come home which is what I had suspect all along.
Later that evening I find the owners of Not My Cat. It turns out she is from the same house as Tom cat. Owners take her back. I explain she has fleas, and as we thought she might be a stray we had put treatment on her. He explains that they did treat her with "some stuff from b&m" but that she never comes home and they don't know why. I hand Not My Cat over and off they go. I decided not to mention my other cat at this point as my children were there and I didn't want any altercation.
Next day... guess what. Not My Cat is back and refusing to leave. Since then I have been returning her to them. She goes in, he puts food down, she eats some and then walks straight back out. Having talked to various neighbours in the search for my cat, it turns out everyone thought this cat was a stray and it was trying to get in to other houses too.
The cat is obviously very unhappy. The household has 5 cats including her and the unneutured tom. Plus dogs (at least 2). She is tiny, but not like she was meant to. I mean she is very underweight (I did weigh her on my newborn scales before giving flea treatment). She doesn't want to go home. The obvious thing is to just let her come and go from mine.
However... Cookie is currently deeply unhappy. It was her who was attacked in our house. She has refused to come downstairs, hiding away, not eating much. She is just generally acting all melancholy. She did come out to me this morning and was even purring but has hidden herself away again now.
I can't have my cats unhappy at this strange presence. The other 2 are less unhappy, but there is some definite battles of hisses over territory. No one has done more than a hiss though which is good I guess! Not My Cat has made herself right at home and is very confident around other cats.
Whilst all of this was ongoing, a lady from over the road had been messaging me as she has had a run in with Tom cats owners after having 2 big vet bills for her cat from him attacking her. She works for cats protection and had offered to cover the cost of his neutering but they declined. After the second incident she lost her rag with them according to her. Anyway, she has said if I can persuade them to sign the form for neutering then she can still get all the costs covered. The form just needs to be signed by them. I did offer this to them and said I would do all the running around also as I know they have a lot on their plate at the moment. He said they will think about it. That was on Monday and I haven't heard anything since.
The CP lady has brought me a kennel over for Not My Cat to use. The problem is, she still won't leave the house. In fact, none of my cats will leave the house (understandably) which is very unlike them. This tom cat is really territorial and vicious. He attacked Not My Cat whilst she was following me on the road on Friday night. She almost got hit by a car running away. I've heard him fighting every evening so far this week.
So... what the fuck do I do? It feels a right mess. Obviously the easiest thing is if my cats accept Not My Cat. But honestly? I don't want a 4th cat. The expense alone is enough to make me say no. But this cat won't leave, and when we throw her out she manages to gey back in. I don't want to live with doors and windows shut, or be squishing in and out of the doors to try and avoid her dashing in (doesn't bloody work anyway - she's like fecking houdini).
And how the fuck do we deal with this tom cat situation?
Obligatory cat tax photo added - meet Not My Cat aka Daisy. Or Molly as my stepdaughter wants to call her! 🤦♀️