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Join our community of cat lovers on the Mumsnet Cat forum for kitten advice and help with cat behaviour.

Original poster

Will my cat love me?

15 replies

Puppylucky · 26/09/2023 21:21

Hi all
I hope someone can help me get a bit of a grip!
We are adopting a young ( 1 year old)cat in the next few weeks who has developed a strong bond with his foster family - he's been with them for an extended period. Whist I'm happy he's had a lovely life so far I'm now starting to get worried that he won't bond with my husband and I and will miss his fosterer. Can anyone reassure me or give me pointers as to how to help him transition and hopefully learn to love us?!

OP posts:
mambojambodothetango · 26/09/2023 21:26

No advice really other than just to not expect much at first - our cat lived under the sofa for 3 weeks when we first got her. Just sit quietly sometimes and it will come and sit with you eventually. Don't try picking it up or get upset if it doesn't want to be near you at first.

cruffinsmuffin · 26/09/2023 21:27

Hi! One of the cats I have now was fostered from his original family aged 2, he's now the cuddliest happiest cat. It was definitely an adjustment for him at first (he came from an unhappy but bonded home life) and he took a while to settle in. He's now incredibly affectionate and the most lovely cat!

Don't expect too much right away, they'll take their own time to get to know you - it took 6 months for us to get to the lap stage, now we can't get him off 😂 I'm sure the cat will grow to love you all as you'll be their forever home!

Original poster
Puppylucky · 26/09/2023 21:59

Hi both thank you so much for the reassurance. I've waited a long time for him and I just want to get it right! Apologies for no cat tax but I've spammed everyone I know with the photos I have of him so far so they are massively outing 😀

OP posts:
moggerhanger · 26/09/2023 22:01

We got a rescue cat aged 8. Been with her previous owner since kittenhood. She was sitting on our laps dribbling and purring within a couple of weeks.

Original poster
Puppylucky · 26/09/2023 22:03

Ah thank you @moggerhanger that's so reassuring!

OP posts:
MrsCr0cus · 26/09/2023 22:04

As others have said, give him time. Also cats know which side their bread is buttered...he'll soon realise you are his meal ticket and that will help a lot!

Shadypaws23 · 26/09/2023 22:19

I adopted an older cat and he was on my lap in 15 mins gazing at me adoringly
I was his person right from the start Smile

Toddlerteaplease · 27/09/2023 03:26

I adopted Cheddar aged 6. She rolled over on my knee and demanded belly ribs, and was making biscuits within one minute of meeting me! All cats are different.

LinesAndDot · 27/09/2023 04:49

On a different note, I adopted a 6 month old kitten who had had 2 homes before the Shelter and when he arrived he was VERY independent and used to standing on his own feet! He didn’t hide away and explored the whole house on the first day.

He’s never been a cuddler or lap cat, never purred or made biscuits. I wish he would! But he follows me around like a dog - he might wander away abit, but always comes and finds me doing the ironing, making dinner etc and wants to be nearby. It’s 2 years on and when he comes and sits on the couch next to me, I get so excited at the progress!!

He’s looks to be a Russian Blue, so perhaps it’s a personality/breed type thing too?

As I said, I wish he would be more affectionate, but I think he is as loving as his personality allows. So I adapt to that too, and live in hope I can coax him from the couch to my lap.

BarbaraofSeville · 27/09/2023 06:38

All good advice so far. It highly depends on the cat, but if he's bonded with his foster family it sounds like he's a 'people cat' so likely to bond with you in time.

I'm on the other side of the fence as I'm a fosterer and sometimes we have cats who are with us for a while so do bond with us, but we've often been sent pictures and updates from the new families that show them happily settled into their new homes, sometimes really quickly.

The transition will obviously be confusing for him, but just let him settle in, explore, hide away, scope out his favourite sleeping places etc and I'm sure he'll soon love you as much as he loves his current family.

helpfulperson · 27/09/2023 06:46

LinesAndDot · 27/09/2023 04:49

On a different note, I adopted a 6 month old kitten who had had 2 homes before the Shelter and when he arrived he was VERY independent and used to standing on his own feet! He didn’t hide away and explored the whole house on the first day.

He’s never been a cuddler or lap cat, never purred or made biscuits. I wish he would! But he follows me around like a dog - he might wander away abit, but always comes and finds me doing the ironing, making dinner etc and wants to be nearby. It’s 2 years on and when he comes and sits on the couch next to me, I get so excited at the progress!!

He’s looks to be a Russian Blue, so perhaps it’s a personality/breed type thing too?

As I said, I wish he would be more affectionate, but I think he is as loving as his personality allows. So I adapt to that too, and live in hope I can coax him from the couch to my lap.

I coaxed a similar cat onto my knee with dreamies. Just pop a few on your knee and then ignore cat. Don't react if he does come up.

Saverage · 27/09/2023 07:25

I think if they are used to being bonded and cuddled they move on to the next person fairly quickly.

I took in a very shy 4 year old rescue who was very close with her previous owner. 5 days of hiding and then she was on my lap, but won't go near any visitors, runs away and hides. After a few months I got a live-in cat sitter when I went away for two weeks. Five days in and the cat-sitter was sending me photos of the cat on her lap, gazing at her adoringly. So I guess 5 days is her window of deciding where her bread is newly buttered!

sashh · 27/09/2023 07:44

I used to foster OP

I once went to visit a pair that had been adopted the week before. The male cat used to sleep on me when I was reading in bed and his sister would curl up next to me.

At their permanent home the both took one look and hid behind the sofa.

OnAFrolicOfMyOwn · 27/09/2023 07:46

As others have said, if you leave the cat to get to know you at his own pace and provide food/treats, you will soon win his heart!

Original poster
Puppylucky · 27/09/2023 08:11

Thank you so much everyone - it's really kind of you all to take the time to reassure me! It makes sense that loving "people" cats can bond again in their new home and makes me feel so much better about taking him away from his current dad! Thanks again and cat tax due when he arrives 😀

OP posts:
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