Cat Guilt

[LovingMyLiver]

A couple of years ago I fostered my Nan's elderly cat, who I completely fell in love with. I had her in my home for around a year and nearly always treated her like a queen because I loved her and my Nan had loved her. Gave her all her favourite things, took care of her and we had endless cuddles on the sofa. She had a temper and would occasionally lash out at me for no reason at all. I think twice she really went for me (blood on my arms etc) so whenever she was "on one" I'd just leave her to it. She was in good health so it wasn't a medical issue I think she could just be a bit grumpy. She was 90% of the time a loving, perfect old cat. She trashed my house (shit and pissed everywhere, ruined the chairs with scratching) but I loved her. Sang good morning to her every day and kissed her goodnight every night.

But one time I was giving her some fuss and she bit me hard on the hand. It really hurt. I snapped and remember thinking "you ungrateful little mite" and shouted at her. Tried to pick her up to put her outside for a while (she liked being outside) but she ran behind the sofa and when I shouted at her to "get here now" she just looked up at me with wide eyes and meowed. I immediately felt like an absolute monster. I just sat down on the floor and talked to her quietly and said I was sorry. Stroked her tail gently. She came out rather confidently, I scooped her up and we had a cuddle. It was all over in 20 seconds. After that everything carried on as normal. I think I had her for another few months before she went to her forever home and she was never scared of me after that. Still climbed all over me every night etc and ruled the home. I NEVER raised my voice around her again.

I still miss her and whilst I know I couldn't keep her long term I still think of that time I shouted at her and her face when she looked at me.

Is this guilt normal? Would you forgive yourself? Has anyone else shouted at their pet?

My very loud dcat is regularly requested to stfu. He isn't a bit intimidated as he is still as bloody loud....

I just wish I could cuddle her again. If I had enough money I'd do everything to track her down and get her back. It's just guilt with a mixture of missing my Nan and missing Puss. I treated her wonderfully, but all I think about is the one time I snapped at her. I absolutely adore cats. She was my little queen.

I see people shouting at dogs and don't really bat an eyelid because I see dogs as strong I suppose and needing discipline (obviously only to a non abusive, normal extent). But cats... they are little fluff balls of perfection with smaller ears they should NEVER be shouted at!

Sending hugs unmumsnetty love to you.

The fact you still feel bad goes to show what a lovely, kind owner you were really.

Cats can be arseholes. So can humans. She forgave you and trusted you again almost immediately. She 100% wouldn't have let you cuddle her if she was scared of you.

Seems you both had a bit of a grumpy day but both loved each other.

Cats use shouting at each other as a sign of "don't make me get physical" so that's the worst she'd have interpreted it as.

I love Cheddar to bits. But she is also frequently told to shut up and leave me alone. (Only ever when she's making biscuits on my face at 3am)

Not shouted at though.

Aww why couldn't you keep her? My cat can be fine for months then she will just go for me. They are weird.

She bit you hard (not the first time by the sounds of things)
You shouted

What would have been unreasonable is if you belted her so hard she saw stars . You didn't . But I'm sure a lot of other people would have (no-one on Litter Tray , obvs)

Cats (and I say this with the greatest of respect for them as one of our cats is a bitey wee fecker ) are often unreasonable self centered animals .

But we love them for it !

Thank you. I would have put my own head through a wall before belting her, or physically hurting any animal. Absolutely never. I won't even use the windscreen wiper if there's a fly on the glass! Having said that I admit I do have a temper, I'm just so sad I verbally snapped at her. But yes within less than a minute she walked over for a cuddle.

Thanks everyone for your help. I was honestly expecting a pile on.

I’ve been thinking about your post and think you really shouldn’t worry. You sound like a wonderful cat mum and cat probably went too far and felt bad afterwards. And then the cuddles were a mutual making up. Our cats do this. There will be a hurty scratch or bite and we’ll get cross and tell them off and there will be a sulk (human and cat) and then a lovely sit and cuddle together.

I completely understand.
My cat is a former feral street cat and he can be flipping evil when he wants to be.He blocks doorways and windowsills while wanting to go out.
I have to unlock the door and try to keep away from him but he still growls and swipes.It's very upsetting.
We saved his life.I am so wary of him even when he is being affectionate.
I have only shouted at him once, a few weeks ago.He was blocking the top of the stairs, I couldn't get past him.After a few minutes of trying to persuade him to go down, I put my hand on his bottom to help him downstairs.He went mad growling hissing and swiping.I lost it and shouted oh bugger off them and don't come back !
It shook me and I felt upset for a couple of days..
For people judging and thinking how awful it is, just try living with a cat like that !
Forgive yourself.