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Join our community of cat lovers on the Mumsnet Cat forum for kitten advice and help with cat behaviour.

Original poster

Kitten making me depressed

33 replies

SteveBytheway1 · 22/08/2023 10:56

I'm expecting for people to come for me here and some "what did you expect" comments but wanted to still post anyway just in case anyone has any words of encouragement or advice on how to feel better.

My cat is 6 months old, love her to bits. We have had her for just over 4 months now. I have a 4 year old cat as well who we have had since he was about 10 months. I did lots of research into getting a kitten and kept putting it off until I was sure that the time was right and we could handle two cats financially etc. I knew about how mischievous and mad kittens are and didn't expect anything different. However, what I DIDNT expect was how it would make me feel.

My kitten isn't bad. She isn't doing anything wrong. I never shout at her or punish her. I try to train her to stop her doing things like playing with her toys if she goes for my feet etc. But I'm so completely and utterly exhausted by her that I am miserable. I cry every day and I dread coming home. I dread waking up to another day of her relentless energy and destruction.

As I say, I was prepared for this and know it's what kittens do. I just can't help the way I feel. I have to have eyes in the back of my head and watch her CONSTANTLY otherwise she will end up getting herself in dangerous situations. She creates hazards out of things that I never even thought of. When we first got her we cat proofed everything and made sure there was nothing she could hurt herself on and confined her to one room while we are out etc. We still confine her while we are out but at 6 months old it's cruel to just have her in one room while we are home so we let her have run on the house. But we HAVE to watch her we can't just get on with our own stuff. She has been dangling from light frames, she went up the chimney and I didn't even realise she could get up there until I saw her tail disappear and I shit myself. We can't have any windows open because shes on them straight away trying to get out, if we forget to put the toilet seat down she's in the toilet splashing about, she's shredded the wallpaper of the landing while I was out (when I'm out she now has access to the bedrooms and landing). She makes my adult cat miserable by constantly chasing and diving on him. She scratches and bites even though for four months straight we have been trying to teach her to not do it. If she knows you're in the house but she's in another room with the door shut she cries so loudly. I can't do anything without her there. But if I need to shut the door, for example if I have to go into the garden I will shut the kitchen, she will cry so loudly and urgently that I feel like I have to rush through what I'm doing to get back to her. Also if I'm working from home I have to confine her because I can't watch her while I'm working, and if I don't watch her I constantly hear crashes from the next room where she's knocking things over. But then she cries if I put her in the bedroom on her own. It's really stressful.

I know none of this is uncommon so please don't think I dislike her or think there's something wrong with her. I'm never mean to her and I play with her and cuddle with her she is very well looked after. I am just finding this all very hard to cope with and I miss the days when I could just relax at home.

I guess this was just to vent a bit as I've spent the past 30 mins crying, but also if anyone has anything they could say to help i would appreciate it so much

OP posts:
EmmaPaella · 22/08/2023 10:59

I might be missing something but why can’t she go out?

PlayItSafe · 22/08/2023 10:59

she needs to go out bless her!

Original poster
SteveBytheway1 · 22/08/2023 11:02

@EmmaPaella well we keep meaning to let her out because i keep saying that this will help. However when we got her we planned to keep her as an indoor cat. We have kind of changed our minds because we think it will be good for her but she's very small for her age. I worry about the dangers of outside for such a small mischievous cat and I want to keep her safe. Basically the long and short of it is I'm just scared for her safety if I let her out

OP posts:
Floralnomad · 22/08/2023 11:02

Get her spayed , get her a catio or catproof your garden . It doesn’t sound like she was designed to be an indoor cat . This is why people always say get 2 kittens as they entertain each other .

HorribleNecktie · 22/08/2023 11:02

She needs to go outside. My cat is now 8 months, he was a terror until we had him neutered and let him out.

He now mainly lies about belly up during the day.

TheGirlFromTomorrow · 22/08/2023 11:04

I think she needs to be getting outside burning some energy off so home is a place to sleep more than play.

I wouldn't keep a cat at home all the time unless it was very elderly. Even my middle aged overweight cat needs time to go out and have a wander.

If your circumstances don't permit her to go outside, I'd look at finding her somewhere else to live. If she's a very energetic cat, she's going to get stressed/depressed by being trapped.

YouJustDoYou · 22/08/2023 11:05

Sounds like she very much is an outdoor cat. My cat never had that kind of energy, isn't bothered about going outside but we always said if she showed too much energy then we would definitely need to let her roam free. That's just the way with cats.

Original poster
SteveBytheway1 · 22/08/2023 11:06

@Floralnomad she is spayed, we only have a communal garden so can't put a catio on it. Actually maybe we can but I'm not sure if this will help because she will want to run around and explore. We will let her out I have just been waiting for her to get a bit bigger. She is like a little dot, when we took her for her second vaccinations the vet didn't believe her age because she's so small and we had to put off spaying until a few weeks ago once she reached the correct weight.

I do agree that she needs to go outside. I love her dearly and I'm scared that being so small she'll get into trouble out there but I won't know and won't be able to help her. But perhaps I am just worrying unnecessarily. Do you think it would be ok to let her out at this stage?

OP posts:
TheGirlFromTomorrow · 22/08/2023 11:06

It's better that she gets out and lives her life even if she does run away or get hurt. She's a little creature and she deserves to experience the outdoors.

Original poster
SteveBytheway1 · 22/08/2023 11:07

Oh I forgot to say as well, I read something that the RSPCA posted about not recommending kittens go out until 8 months old. So I was just waiting that's all, but if the majority of advice is to do it now then I could try... But I just worry that I will be putting her in danger and then it's my fault if something bad happens

OP posts:
EmmaPaella · 22/08/2023 11:08

I agree, she needs to go out. Cats are good at looking after themselves and kittens are generally a nightmare if kept inside (mostly).

Floralnomad · 22/08/2023 11:08

My sons Siamese love their catio and they don’t seem bothered about going further , they spend more time in the conservatory that it is attached to . Have you thought about a cat wheel for indoors to burn off some energy ?

MrsFiddle · 22/08/2023 11:09

It depends on your situation where you live - proximity to roads eg? Other cats in the area? Ours was like this when he was young and started to settle after about a year old. He now goes outside as we have catproofed our garden. They go through various stages and each cat is very different.

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 22/08/2023 11:10

My junior cat was small ( but very wiry). The first time we let her out after she had acclimatised she leapt up a ten foot wall( using a tree) and walked along it taunting the neighbours two large labradors who lived on the other side.

she also saw off a timid estate agent who had come to measure up….

Let her out.

Ps I thought mine was boisterous, but the loo splashing is a whole new step.

Original poster
SteveBytheway1 · 22/08/2023 11:14

@MrsFiddle we have a communal garden which backs onto lots of other gardens. If she stayed on that side I wouldn't worry. But we do live on a road so if she walked round the side of the house (which she probably will because we are the end house) thats what I worry about. It isn't a very busy road or a main road but it's a one way street that does have a fair amount of traffic. When we got our older boy the RSPCA did an inspection and deemed it safe enough and we passed the inspection but still... Cars drive along it all day and it only takes 1.

There is also an un-neutered Tom on the back that I worry about. He starts with my cat sometimes but my cat is massive and can hold himself. He also just stays away from anything dangerous and chills on the back in the bushes. My kitten is so curious and fearless that I really do worry about her out there

OP posts:
justasking111 · 22/08/2023 11:15

Once she's spayed and recovered I'd Go out with her. My friends cat started on a lead. So set some time aside for her.

EmmaPaella · 22/08/2023 11:16

Even with other cats, they soon work out whose garden is whose. I woke up today to loud miaows from my trampoline. I’ve seen kittens around here, they just act like the other cats but smaller.

EmmaPaella · 22/08/2023 11:20

We got our neighbourhood unneutered Tom neutered by cats protection and that solved that problem. Your garden/road situation sounds fine. There is no reason she can’t go out. Keeping her in because she’s mischievous and letting your other cat out because he is calm seems a bit unfair.

Boopeedoop · 22/08/2023 11:23

Harness train her and take her out in the garden.

Original poster
SteveBytheway1 · 22/08/2023 11:24

@EmmaPaella that isn't the reason though, the reason is because I was waiting until the recommended age by the RSPCA (8 months) and until she is bigger. I'm not keeping her in to be cruel, and it's not forever. It's for her safety. But if it's a detriment to her mental wellbeing then yes I will let her out sooner. I could do it this weekend and go out with her

OP posts:
MrsFiddle · 22/08/2023 11:29

SteveBytheway1 · 22/08/2023 11:24

@EmmaPaella that isn't the reason though, the reason is because I was waiting until the recommended age by the RSPCA (8 months) and until she is bigger. I'm not keeping her in to be cruel, and it's not forever. It's for her safety. But if it's a detriment to her mental wellbeing then yes I will let her out sooner. I could do it this weekend and go out with her

People will have very divided views on this and it is not necessarily cruel not to let cats out. I have had several breed cats and they were indoor cats dependent on where I was living and they lived long and healthy lives until the ages of 17 and 18. It does vary though with cat breed.

lawrenceofarabia · 22/08/2023 11:41

I know I will get flayed for this but I just never will understand why people who love animals think they would be "happy" just to stay indoors and never explore or smell the outside, feel the breeze, the sun. Just because they live a long life doesn't mean they are happy. I wouldn't be - would you?
That being said - if I lived on a busy road I wouldn't have a cat but if your road isn't that busy... In my road there are cars all day but speed bumps so they can't drive too fast and in my experience cats are sensitive to car noise and will soon get out of the way when they hear one coming.
I have not heard RSPCA say that they can't go out before 8 months.

Original poster
SteveBytheway1 · 22/08/2023 11:50

@lawrenceofarabia yes I know what you mean, I used to have the exact same opinion. But I now know lots of people who have indoor cats and their cats are absolutely fine. I got a kitten thinking if we raised her as indoor then she would be ok. However we changed our minds a couple of months ago and decided that she needs to go out. So we will be letting her out, the plan is not to keep her in forever I was literally just waiting until she is bigger for her own safety. I just have my cats best interest at heart and am trying to do the right thing

OP posts:
loveloveloveme · 22/08/2023 11:53

If she's being destructive, let her out. You'll probably find she won't go far until she's bigger anyhow,

HappyCatz · 22/08/2023 11:56

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