Cat is making our relationship miserable

[sunshine080]

We have 2 male cats, both 3 years old. I've always joked that one of them has an OCD because ever since he was a kitten, he's been so particular about using a dirty litter box (by dirty, I mean a single poo, not days worth). This isn't helped by the fact our other cat doesn't know how to bury his business, urine or faeces. A combination of the two has led to hundreds of "accidents" next to a box.

We have tried everything to combat this. We have had up to 4 boxes (currently 3), spent god knows how much on different types of boxes, tried all kinds of different consistency cat litters, etc. He's been checked for medical problems and has none. The boxes are emptied minimum twice a day, but we work shifts and so are out of the house 12 hours at a time.

Since we moved into our current house the problem started getting worse with him going next to a box even if the box was clean. We have now reached a point of putting incontinence sheets next to the boxes because the floor is wrecked and we can't afford to replace it, and he is now completely forgoing boxes for urine and using sheets instead. We also have to keep bedrooms shut because for some reason (again something that's a occurred since being a kitten), he will go in the middle of the beds, although no where else soft.

My partner is and has been livid for some time because of the destruction that's been caused. I've been sticking up for our cat for 18 months and trying every which way to resolve the issue but it's been futile. There's a constant state of anxiety and tension in our house because it now happens 2-3 times a day since he's given up using the box, and so my partner is constantly fed up and that then has a knock on effect on the general atmosphere.

My partner wants him gone. I've had cats all my life and have never rehomed/given one up but I can't keep living like this either. I've been through a super thorough forum post I found on how to approach cats urinating outside of a box about a year ago and we've slowly regressed to now.

I feel so guilty at the thought of giving him up because I worry about what might happen to him, but equally our situation as it is is just not working.

I don't know if I'm looking for advice, a space to vent or what. 😔

I agree that it might be an outside thing or being in a multicat household.

If it’s the latter, then it would be a kindness in the long run to re home him as a single cat.

As you say they aren’t taking in cats at the moment, could you offer the following as an interim measure?

Let the cat outside. Use every precaution to stop fleas. Read up on it and share the info with him. His previous experience with a flat mate and the house being infested, (seeing fleas jumping on the bed) is I believe really rare.

If you are treating the cat, regularly vacuuming and washing where the cats sleep, it is really unusual for it to get as bad as you have described. It may solve the litter problem and he may find the fleas are kept under control enough that they don’t bother him. If he does find he’s getting bitten, then it’s straight back to waiting for a rescue to take the cat in.

It really is a case of once bitten twice shy (sorry). Just because it happened before with his previous place, doesn’t mean it has to happen at yours.

Honestly, there are not millions of cat owners who have cats that go outside and put up with flea bites on a regular basis. Many, many of us never see a flea from one year to the next. The previous situation was caused by the flatmate, not the cats.

This is a difficult one. I used to have a cat that peed on the bed and it turned out that he didn’t like litter trays with lids on. Once I got rid of the lids, he was fine. Cats also hate litter trays in high traffic areas so make sure they’re situated in quier areas.

I now have a cat who pees on things sometimes when she’s stressed but spraying furiously with zoflora has got rid of any smell. Have you also tried Feliway plugins?

my cats all go outside and I have no issue with fleas as I use the stuff that you put on the backs of their necks. Works a charm.

I have had cats my entire life and I have dogs and cats now and have never had fleas.

Honestly your husband is ridiculous. This is a very very unhappy cat.

Your cat needs to go outside.

I've got an old girl who will get in her litter tray, but only ever to poo off the side of it onto the floor. She and I have a mutual agreement that she goes outside and that her litter tray is for emergencies only.

I couldn't cope with her if this wasn't the arrangement.

She's never had fleas.

We had this with our two male cats (brothers). They were fine as kittens but from a year old or so they were awful with litter trays, no matter how many we had (six, in various areas of the house, at one time). They did go out, and we're definitely worse if they had to stay in for some reason.

Very sadly, Cat A had a heart attack and died a few months ago. Cat B has been much better since then, and only had a handful of accidents (stress related). Ultimately, I think he is probably best suited to being an only cat.

Honestly, you need to either re-home him somewhere where he can go outside, or let him out yourselves. It's not fair to make him live like this just because your partner is paranoid about fleas.

Pet ownership is about what's doing right by your animals, and your cats actions are telling you he's stressed and unhappy. I'm going to be harsh here, but forcing your cat to continue living like this is cruel. You need to do what's right by him.

His fear IS irrational. I also have an allergy to flea bites. The only time I am ever bitten is if I don't keep up with the flea treatment. If you are religious about treating regularly you will never see a flea.

I am sometimes a week or two late and still not a single flea.

Very unfair to not let the cats out due to irrational fear especially if it's suspected to be causing behavioural problems. So your partners anxiety has given the cat anxiety basically.

This. We’ve not had a single flea. Always used vet prescribed flea and wormer (bravecto or nexgard). Let the poor cat outside.

Not a cat expert at all but it’s unfair to not let your cat out because your dp has an irrational fear of fleas.

fleas can be easily dealt with.

What do you want us to say?
You’ve tried training
You won’t let them outside because if your husbands irrational fear.
Noone is going to want to rehome a cat that shits everywhere