Adoption Regret

[SadCatLady1]

I'm desperately seeking compassionate advice. I recently adopted two kittens, and now I think I've made a mistake. My beloved old moggy died this year and I really haven't come to terms with it. I thought the kittens would help, but instead I'm really struggling to bond with them. In hindsight I wasn't ready for another cat, and now I just feel sick with guilt.

I've been getting seriously conflicting advice from my family and friends. Half of them think I should rehome the kittens now, the other half think I should give them more time.

The problem with giving them more time is that then they will adjust to me and my home and then rehoming them could have a negative impact on them. They're almost 10 weeks now, so if I rehome them soon they'll still be young enough that they'll adjust much quicker.

The problem with rehoming them now is I'm scared I'm throwing away the chance of a more positive relationship with them further down the line, and I don't know how I'd ever trust myself to get another cat.

Right now, I regret getting them because I can't seem to bond with them and I'm crying all the time and I can't sleep. But I'm terrified that if I rehome them, I'll regret that too, and I'll have to live with that guilt for the rest of my life.

But then that's putting myself first, isn't it, and I can't do that. I have to put them first. If I could love them then I know they'd have a happy home with me because all of my cats in the past have. But I don't know if I can love another cat right now because I'm still absolutely wracked with grief over losing my old girl.

I'm exhausted and I just don't know what to.

And please don't hate me for feeling this way, because believe me, I already hate myself.

I think you need to rehome them now, and don’t think of another cat for some time yet.
It’s not fair in them to have them in a stressful environment, and they will pick up on it. Just make sure it’s a good home

It is very early days, I'm guessing you've had them a couple of weeks at most, so you might just need time.

If you do decide it's too much for you, please don't re-home them yourself, your contract with the rescue will be that you must return them to the rescue for re-homing.

Hi. I lost my old boy last Nov. Swore i would not have another as the grief around losing him was bigger than even i had anticipated. But (and there's always a but) our house didn't feel like a home without a furry, ungrateful, demanding face in it. So we ended up getting two brother kittens in March.
And once again i was surprised by the fact i didn't instantly love or bond with them.
I think i became so focused on making sure they survived their first few weeks with us i just didn't have it in me to love them, if that makes sense. And it was also about learning who they were, their characters, what made them tick. I mean they had us howling with their antics but i didn't bond with them.
Roll on to now, it has taken me at least to this point to realise i do love them, and they in their own cat way, love us. They recognise us, they respond to us and that bond has slowly but surely crept up on us all.
They were never bought as a replacement but maybe somewhat naively they were bought to fill the hole that my old boy crrated and unfairly to them that's a hole that can never be filled but they've managed to grow around it and create their own place in my heart and that of our family.
I understand where you are coming from and only you can decide what's best for you and your kitten. Whatever you decide is a journey and a commitment and a hardship but it has to be right for the kitten you have.

Sorry for your loss. I think of my old boy every day, his pic is my screen saver but its a bittersweet feeling now. He was loved for 18 years and whilst i wish i could have had him for 18 more years and beyond his death is only his physical end. He is still with all of us wherever we go. Just as i hope these two new boys will be also.

Kittens are so completely different from old cats, and often complete hellions after a lovely, more sedate creature. Both are wonderful in different ways but the energy of two ten-week olds is going to be so completely different from that of your much-loved ancient puss that I wonder if you should just give them more time until you've adjusted to who they are and accept that they are really different from the cat you loved for 18 years and mourn now.

@DustyLee123 Will they be able to pick up on my feelings already? I'm trying so hard to hide it from them and only show them a positive person, for their sake. I don't want them to be unhappy 😭

This sounds very difficult for you. How long have you had the kittens? Did you adopt them from a shelter/rescue?

@VeryQuaintIrene I know that they'll be different and I've accepted that I'll never again have the kind of relationship that I had with my old darling, but I don't know if I'm ready to love ANY cat. Fuck, I'm just a mess right now

I know it's really sad and hard - we lost an adored 13 year old and 15 year old in very quick succession a couple of months ago, and I miss them hugely.

@mumsie8 I'm sorry for your loss too. I just wish it would stop hurting so much. My problem with the kittens is that I'm not laughing at their antics. I can objectively see that they're cute and funny, and they already have their own distinct little personalities, but I just feel horribly detached from them. I'm trying so hard to bond with them, but I just feel sad and hollow, and I can't stop crying

I feel so sorry for your situation. I really understand. I did the same 7 years ago. Lost my beloved sould cat at the end of August and rescued a homeless street cat 8 weeks later. I should have said no, it was too soon, but it was an emergency rescue, he was in danger.
I'm sorry to say the situation has never changed with me. There's some sort of barrier between us. He feels it too, and is always missing from home.
I do feel awful about it.
Loving cats has always been instantaneous with me. It shouldn't be this hard.
What I'm trying to say is you can't help the way you feel. Don't beat yourself up about it.
Hopefully it will improve.

Forget about the future. Do these kittens enrich your life now?

Usually, people with kittens like being around them and playing with them being climbed all over. That's how you bond with them.

If you aren't enjoying being around them, then it's too soon.