oops - we went out to the garden to find him and he literally came bounding and crying (I have never heard a cat cry but he did) to be reunited with us.
After he was neutered he turned into a housecat and a lapcat. It was like someone flicked a switch! As he got older he had various health conditions, several bouts of vestibular disease, epilepsy, diabetes. He took it all in his stride. This guy was going nowhere! He deteriorated and we had weekly vet visits. He fucking hated the vet lol!! One day the vet nurse, who knew him well, said that all the fight had gone out of him. I was so sad, but a week or so later, his main vet told me that he was "back to his feisty self"!
He fought on so hard, this boy did not want to leave us. Vets were content he wasn't in pain - he saw a vet two days before he died, and vet told me I would know when it was time. I said yes, probably when he stops eating and he agreed. That was on a Friday and up until then he'd been eating like a horse.
By this point, he had lost the use of his back legs and was doubly incontinent. It was hell on earth but we dealt with it because he so clearly wasn't ready to go! Two nights before he died, I was lying with him on his new catbed that he could roll off so that he wasn't left lying in pee, on the puppy pads I'd covered the floor with. He grasped my finger in between his claws and he just wouldn't let go. This wasn't normal behaviour for him. I lay there with him just holding my finger for more than 2 hours until he finally fell asleep.
He ate as normal on the Friday night but on Saturday morning, he wouldn't eat or drink. He just lay there, but in the afternoon, he rallied and tried to get up. By the next morning, it was clear that he was dying. I held his paw for hours until he passed peacefully, just a last sigh and that was it.
We (family of 5) were all devastated. DC2 had had to leave in the afternoon to go back to uni; DC1 was also away from home at the time.
Again I thought, I can never do this again, but a few weeks later in a cat-free home, I couldn't bear it any more. The house was so quiet, and there was a cat-shaped hole. I missed my boy so so much. He had literally been my 'familiar' since lockdown and was always there!
So... I took the plunge, and I adopted 2 gorgeous rescue girls. They have no resemblance to my old boy, who was at least 20 when he died. I will always miss him but these two dotes have lifted all of our hearts. One of them was straying in a city centre - the other was totally neglected by her so-called owners and living on the street in all weathers. In the 1 year+ they have been here, they have never once looked to go outside.
I didn't think I could deal with having another cat but as it turned out I adopted two more within 8 weeks. It's devastating to lose your furbaby, and I still miss and cry over mine, but there's always other furbabies who need you xx