Kitten too much for our adult cat

[Scribbleonapage]

Hi everyone, we have had our kitten for a month an a half and also have a 4 year old rescue boy who is really chilled out.

I did know just how playful kittens are, however I just assumed that if she goes too far my cat will tell her off and she will learn boundaries and what she can/can't do. Unfortunately it's not working out that way!

Our kitten is relentlessly bothering adult cat. Jumping on him, chasing him etc and is quite rough in play. Pouncing on his back and his face. Adult cat is hissing, growling, making all sorts of noises, slapping her etc. However she is not listening or learning. He gets more and more stressed with this so eventually I have to separate them because it feels cruel to let her do this for a long time while he is clearly distressed. The longer it goes on for, the more aggressive he gets, but the more aggressive he gets, the more excited the kitten gets!

We play with her constantly! We really try to get all of her energy out but it's endless. We decided to let them meet just when the kitten is tired after a big play session and is settled to sleep. The first time this happened it was great, big cat came in, sniffed her, kitten just sat there and then big cat just lay down next to her and was perfectly content. However it only lasted 10 mins and then she pounced on him. Since then, even when she is tired, she immediately perks up at the sight of him.

I am posting here just to ask if other people had this situation and did the kitten eventually calm down? It feels awful having to keep them separate because it means confining them to certain rooms. Also it's really difficult because big cat gets lonely when I spend lots of time with the kitten, but when I leave to spend time with him, kitten meows through the door. They seem to both want my attention at the same time and it's really mentally exhausting.

I am worrying that she may just always be a playful cat and be like this with him forever. I try to distract her with toys and treats in his presence but she is only interested in playing with him.

Would love to hear some similar experiences if anyone has any and how it turned out? It's pretty hard work and isn't going to work long term 😩

A few years ago we got a female kitten and had to work to introduce her to our adult, 4 years old, rescue cat. It was a very difficult process, a lot harder than I was prepared for but I was determined to make it work. We went a bit quick with intros, and it sounded similar to yours. Kitten (Pepper) adored big cat (Leo) but he wouldn’t tolerate and was being quite aggressive. I got some great advice on here and ended up separating them and re-starting the whole introduction. It was a LONG process but I went back to scent swapping, feeding outside of closed doors, slowly bringing them together for short, supervised times. When we did have them together, we tried to make it as positive as possible for Leo, lots of treats, favourite toys etc.. the idea being that he would associate Pepper was positive things. It took months before they both had free access to the house, I was forever closing and opening doors, I would try to keep Leo’s life uninterrupted, so if he was sleeping upstairs I would close off downstairs so she couldn’t go up, that kind of thing. It did work, they now rub along ok, and play. Its really brought out Leo’s playful side, I love it when he lets her play chase him, he’s so much bigger than her, its super cute. I would, and still, offer Leo attention before her, its just the way their hierarchy works. I also got a couple of Feliway Friends plug ins which may or my not help!

She will always be younger than him, so whilst she will calm in time, she will be more playful and energetic. As a start, If your older cat is sleeping then I would shut him off so she can’t disturb for sure, that will really annoy him. For the time being, you will have to share your attention and then try to slowly reintroduce by playing and keeping their shared experiences positive. Also, don’t feed together, they can create a vibe of competition for food. Also lots of resources, water bowls, scratching posts, toys etc.. to avoid any competition.

I hope that helps a little. Stick with it, its worth putting the effort in.

@miccoops thanks so much for your detailed response. It is definitely good advice. I am just wondering how much it would help in my situation, as we already did all of that and it was really hard but is now much better. At first big cat was NOT happy. The mere smell of her caused him to hide, his personality changed, he wouldn't let me stroke him etc. He is basically back to his usual self now. We did it really slowly and now it's to the point where he is fine with her as long as she doesn't jump all over him and chase him. If she doesn't do that, he just ignores her and even sits near her. It's only when she starts chasing him and trying to play attack him that he gets more aggressive as he gets so stressed with it. Do you think going back to the beginning again would change this? It seems to me like he is used to her, and even if we went back to the beginning she would still want to play with him when they meet again and he still wouldn't like it. Maybe he would be more open to playing with her? Although I'm not sure if that's the case, he just really seems like he doesn't want to play like that. He is a very chilled out cat but doesn't really like to be touched unless on his terms so I really don't think he is EVER going to be ok with her pouncing on him. I'm relying on her calming down or giving up trying to play with him so much. Just wondering if that's likely to happen though

Yeah, it does sound like he's come a long way and I think re-starting wouldn't necessarily help in this case. She will be keen to play with him. With my 2 Leo gets fed up with Pepper too.. Part of their relationship will be about him putting kitten in her place, so a little bop or a grumble is ok, but you don't want big noises, or any more aggression than that. Perhaps when she starts to harass him and you can see he isn't happy, you could take her off to a separate space, and give her some playtime then? I think you need to try to spot the sign of his aggression and annoyance ramping up and intervene. She isn't really going to grow out of being playful for a long time TBH. When you are out the house, and overnight, try to separate them to give them some rest from each other, and protect kitten if he is getting aggressive.

Does he go outside? That was Leo's escape in the early days as Pepper didn't go out for a long time, until spayed, and even now she's more limited access to the outside than Leo.

@miccoops did pepper calm down a bit once she started going outside?
We keep them separate whenever we aren't around and even when we are around we keep them separate most of the time. As soon as she sees him she runs as fast as she can over to him and then does a running jump and flies through the air at him and lands on his back. Straight away he shrieks, and goes to bite her. He flings her off and then she will stop for like 30 seconds. Then she goes again and he bats her over the head and hisses. After that it just gets worse and he gets more worked up. So it basically happens as soon as they see each other. So I can never keep them together for any proper length of time because this happens every single time. If I hold her in my hands and sit on the floor so that she can't chase him, he immediately calms down and comes and sits with me while I have the kitten in my hands. It's just really annoying how she won't understand that he doesn't want to play.

I'm feeling really worried because like you say, she isn't going to want to stop playing with him for a long time. So I'm going to have to keep them separate for a few years which isn't an ideal situation at all. I wanted to keep her an indoor cat but I'm wondering if letting her out once she is bigger and spayed might help her release even more energy so that she doesn't want to play as much at home. Adult cat goes out yeah but he prefers to be inside. He pretty much only goes out to toilet or to escape the kitten when he's thoroughly had enough

Not what you want to hear, but Pepper is nearly 3 and she still does that springing jump over Leo and onto his back.. he hates it too.. I do think in time they he's gotten more tolerant though and less aggressive. Leo really rarely hisses now and just wanders along trying to ignore her. You might need to give that time, but also try to intervene like you say and give him loads of fuss when the kitten is around. Leo also has some safe spaces where he goes and she doesn't, that helps a lot as he is getting older and needs more sleep.

The inside/outside thing is tricky..

Pro's to keeping her in is that it gives him some space to escape but con is she doesn't burn off energy.. We have a middle ground where Pepper does get time outside, but its more limited and only when we are home and not until she was spayed.. she doesn't go much further than our garden, unlike Leo who patrols the street.

Getting her spayed will likely help a little too.