So sad. Just need to talk

[Toebeans123]

Trigger warning for neglected cat.

Im going to try and keep this short but I need to explain the situation so please bear with. July 2022 I started hearing my neighbours cat meowing constantly in the garden. It was getting on my nerves that they weren't letting her inside but thought maybe they were still bring her in at night. Anyway one day I was at the back door calling my cat and the neighbours cat jumped over the fence looking very skinny! I fed her and she was very shy and nervous, hissing at me etc but never left our garden for days. Eventually I let her in as it was obvious the owners had stopped letting her in.

I went to the neighbours and asked about her and they said they can't keep her as she was being aggressive to the other cat and the children so we said we would take her even though we have another cat but could give it a try. We gave it 4 months but she was very aggressive to my cat and it was causing him great distress. We handed her over to a rescue centre, with a very heavy heart and lots of tears because I had become a bit attached to her and loved her. I knew that our home wasn't right though and she needed to be in a cat free and child free environment.

The neighbour started texting me a lot. Telling me how grateful she was for me rehoming her etc and she started telling me more info about her. I found out she had 4 different homes, they all gave her up due to not being good with cats (I didn't know about all of this until after we handed her to the rescue) and had been pregnant 3 times (she was 2 years old). I felt so so bad for her that she already had so many homes and then was just kicked out onto the street to starve. I worried about her every day and was very stressed.

After 2 weeks a home was found for her with a lovely lady who lived on her own. I thought this would be her happy ending but after 5 months the lady has decided to give her back to the rescue due to biting her and having a temper.

I am in absolute bits. I can't stop crying for her. I told her old owner, my neighbour, and this is when she gave me even more info... She told me that when the cat lived with her, her boyfriend was violent with the cat. She gave me specific examples which I will not be mentioning but it made me almost throw up on the spot, I have never felt so utterly horrified and disgusted and incredibly upset. I am breaking my heart out and can't stop thinking about this. This poor little cat has now had 5 homes, in rescue for the 2nd time, been abused, been left out on the street, pregnant 3 times. She does not deserve this. She needs someone who is patient and understanding and willing to take on a cat with a traumatic past who has some issues. I feel like her behaviour is to be expected due to her past and needs someone experienced. When she was with us she was never aggressive apart from to our cat. She was very affectionate and loving once I had built up her trust so I was surprised to hear that she had bitten the new owner but not too surprised given her past and how she must have lost her faith in humans.

I am now worrying that she is either never going to be rehomed, or she is going to carry on being shipped around for her whole life. Surely there are people out there willing to take a cat who has these tendencies to lash out?? I would have kept her myself if it wasn't such a determent to my own cat. I feel like she is being failed time and time again by people which is only going to make her worse. I am not sure what I want to get out of this post other than just to talk with some people and get reassurance that this isn't a hopeless case? I feel like most people want a family pet who will sit on their lap and be cuddly and affectionate etc, which she is! I have so many photos of her snuggled into me. But apparently she can go into these moods and have a temper, which this new owner was not prepared to deal with. I don't know what's going to happen to her and I am very depressed thinking about the life she has had. I can't sleep or get on with my day, it feels hopeless.

this is sad indeed. I suppose it depends how patient people can be. But it may put off people to adopt a pet with aggressive behaviours.

I notice that cats protection often post about certain cats that they need a child free and pet free home with an experienced, patient owner. They will say sometimes that the cat “likes attention on his/ her terms” and that they may “let you know when they’ve had enough” which I always take to mean they may bite/ scratch. They always seem to get adopted and the cat you’re commenting on is young, I think she’ll get her forever home. My in laws had a very scratchy bitey (but also affectionate on her terms) cat and they loved her and she was so spoilt and well cared for and very happy.

It really is possible. My sister is an empty nester with time and space to deal with their cat, who has a similar background and is prone to rages (really - she attacks them sometimes).

She's raging less and less npow though as she relaxes into their home and starts to trust them - it has been amazing to see. Don't give up hope - there are some very patient cat lovers out there.

You’re quite right that it isn’t fair, it’s what happens when feckless people aren’t prepared to fork out for getting their animals neutered and then leave them to breed relentlessly. She’s been abused and commodified for the benefit of humans. She deserves endless love and care now.

She needs a calm home with no other animals or children, and a very cat experienced owner.

When I’ve taken on tricky, shy and nervous rescue cats I’ve always taken the approach that they’re mine now, and that includes all of their problems and eccentricities. I can’t think of anything that I would send a cat back to a rescue for, it would absolutely destroy me. There are would-be owners out there who won’t give up on her, the rescue just need to do a bit more due diligence in their screening process.

Are there any farms near you op? Maybe an outdoor dcat with friends at a distance may be suitable?

Sounds like OP would have kept her if she didn’t already have a cat. It’s not impossible that someone who has no children or other pets and is an experienced cat owner will be willing to take on a young cat who is generally affectionate but may scratch or bite. In my experience of cats you can usually learn the signs and just leave them alone when they’re in that mood.

This is what I was going to say. We’re relatively rural and the Cats Protection by us specifically advertises cats who need an ‘outdoor lifestyle’ - they’re well cared for i.e. fed, wormed & flea treatment etc but there’s no expectation for them to be a companion cat.

I feel like most people want a family pet who will sit on their lap and be cuddly and affectionate etc, which she is! I have so many photos of her snuggled into me. But apparently she can go into these moods and have a temper,

People would always be surprised by one of our cats, who would appear to be loving attention, having hopped on their laps uninvited, purring like a motorbike, when she snapped at them. We’d warn them to stop stroking if we spotted the first head turns, and often they’d ignore us then be offended! But she never drew blood - she was usually just warning, quite effectively in fact, that she’d rather just sit there unstroked, thank you very much.

Someone will be out there for her, OP. Don’t lose heart.

My cat is the same! Everything on her terms, not too much cuddling or touching 😂

I take it that she's now been neutered. In my experience I think this can lessen the aggression abit. Some people may say it makes little differennce though.

What has the rescue centre said they will do now? I think you should tell them this new information if you haven't done so already. They need to match her with the right person. Someone who is caring and has the patience to wait for her to settle.

When a cat begins living outdoors as this cat has been, they can become a bit feral because their survival instincts will come back. As well as this, they will be having less human contact, so their temperment will change. Maybe this is what has happened to the cat you were looking after. If the cat has been abused it could take time to trust humans again.

My rescue cat was a stray and although neutered he was still a bit aggressive at first, but after consistently showing him love, after a few months he turned out to be the best cat ever. He was so loving and he became so close to me and my family. He was always on my lap or at the end of my bed. My family used to joke that he was almost human.

I have neighbours and friends who also took in a stray cat that was consideried a bit feral, hissing etc and over time they won their cats trust and their cats have eventually became tame.

It could be that in time and with the right owner and prolonged loving human contact, this cats aggression will subside as it begins to trust humans again.

Appreciate the replies everyone, thank you.

@Eggseggseverywhere my DH mentioned a farm too, but tbh I think she wants to live in a house. When we had her she didn't want to go out at all. She slept with me in bed under the covers and followed me around, even sat on my knee once when I was on the toilet. She was absolutely lovely. I think after spending so much time sleeping in the bushes in the cold, she just wanted to be in. And she sat with me purring on my lap so seems to enjoy having a head and chin scratch.

@Chandalie yes she was neutered when she was with my neighbours, they neutered her after her 3rd litter. The lady who rehomed her said she spoke to the rescue who said not to worry and they will find a good home for her. However, the are only a small rescue, not like CP or RSPCA so I am worried that they may not be as strict or thorough? Or have as many visitors as bigger places do. I sent them an email yesterday afternoon with this new information on about her being abused. I said I heard she was being brought back and thought they should know as it will explain her behaviour. But they didn't respond to me

I think thats often when they’re overstimulated. My very loving cat will sometimes lay there luxuriating in fusses and drooling, and then you start to see his back legs go, as if to to move into a bunny kick and then I know he’s had enough.

It sounds like she's easily overstimulated and would be best as an only cat in either a farm setting or a rural home where she can go out and roam to her hearts content, then come back to be an only cat at the end of the day.

It's not easy as, understandably, most people want friendly cats that they can cuddle and fuss over, but I'm sure if she's advertised in the right way, she'll be able to find a home.

@coffeecupsandwaxmelts apparently they are going to advertise her as an indoor only cat. When I handed her over I said please can you re-home her as outdoor/indoor as she has always had access to outside and will want to go out.

However she is very aggressive to other cats and the new owner tried to take her out on a lead an a harness one time and she turned nasty and attacked the owner. I told her it's because she is triggered by cats and will have wanted to run away but couldn't because you had her on a harness! But anyway she's taken her back to the shelter and told them she needs to be indoor only because of her reaction to other cats. I don't agree with this but I don't seem to have a say now. This lady had her for a month longer than me, and the rescue didn't respond to my email so I guess they will just go off what she says

Look how utterly gorgeous she is. The poor soul

She looks lovely, hopefully will find the right home soon.

@Toebeans123 that's such a shame 😞

Hopefully she finds a home with a sensible owner who decides to let her out anyway 🤞

@ThinkingOutLourde no it's not, the OP has a cat, other than that, she would have kept her, the 'poor cat' just needs a home with no other pets and kind owners.

@Toebeans123 I'd love to adopt the poor wee thing, but I don't have a cat because my road attracts cats & they get run over 😥. I hope she finds a lovely home.

She looks like a lovely cat. She's been through a lot. I wouldn't put a harness on a cat like this. Even if I did, I wouldn't do it until I was sure the cat was comfortable with me.

She needs people who are patient enough and who really understand cats and let the cat alone until its comfortable with them and the new environment.

The cat needs to lead and take things at its own pace.. Not at the humans' pace. I'm not an expert but I have had cats since I was a child, so I do have plenty of experience of owning them.

The rescue centre not answering you back is concerning. I would contact them again just to be on the safe side.

I’d never put a harness on a cat that I hadn’t brought up from a kitten. And I think an owner who did so and also rehomed after 5 months doesn’t sound like they understood this particular cat. So it’s maybe for the best she needs to find another owner.

Try not to worry. You can’t influence who she goes to now, but you did your best.

If the rescue are aware of her temper and she has been returned to the same place that originally re-homed her , then they might keep her as a long term foster ?

Our two cats were young adults (a year) when we got them . We'd had a cat many years ago , before DC , who lived to 17yo . We were aware some cats aren't cuddly (though my DBro rescue was Velcro !)

We knew they were ex garden kittens rescued with Mum.
They needed a child free home (we have two adult DC)
Safe garden and catdoor.(which we spent a fortune getting in a french door as I said to DH if we have cats they need a safe catdoor )

They basically do their own cat things whether that's hogging our bed all day (Male) or "helping" DH when he WFH (Female) or surveying their domain.

Even now , MaleCat distrusts me . Maybe I look like someone who was mean to him as a kitten? The only time I was able to stroke his head was when he was having his vaccines , petrified with sweat pouring out of his little feet .

We (as a household) knew we were in it for the long haul , it would break this little boy to be removed from his house .He flies into a panic if the plumber or gas service engineer calls !
He loves DD . Loves DH but attacks hs feet for a laugh. Not bovvered by DS . Just looks at me like I'm ging to skin him . <sigh>

It makes me so,so angry that there are people like your NDN boyfried that would deliberately abuse a cat .
Even the mosr unsociable cats can be nice (at times) and they don't ask to be treated like this.

Thank you for the trigger warning peter