Grieving for my bengal cat

[Love2dance]

My family and I have just had to have our bengal boy put down at age 13. My family and I are so, so sad. I know their downsides and that they can be a pain in the a**e. We loved him dearly. He came to us just before my youngest DS was born and when my older DS was 3, so he grew up with 2 children. Yes, he was a bit wild in his play as a kitten (he used to ambush us in the garden by jumping on our ankles!) but we think that although he came from reputable breeders, he possibly wasn't handled as much as he could have been as a young kitten, unlike our first, female bengal, who sat on my lap the first day we got her.

With lots of patience, a calm atmosphere and love, he grew into the most affectionate, chatty, family cat. My children loved him. He knew his name and understood when I was offering him a tummy rub and would roll over (in fact, he would demand tummy rubs by coming up to me and just rolling over). He never scratched or used his teeth unless he had a sore bit. He was territorial and though he didn't go looking for fights (as an older kitten he tried to be playful with a local hard cat who came into our garden but got beaten up so didn't want other cats in the garden and there were occasional fisticuffs). The vet commented that he wasn't like other bengals they see as he was so easy to handle.

He did not tend to kill birds but was something of a ratter.

I wanted to post this, not only to express my grief but also to let people know that not all bengals are difficult and aggressive. They are not for everyone and are probably not entry level cats and of course each individual is different, but with the right level of attention and training and the most gentle handling as kittens, they make wonderful companions. We are bereft and will miss our dear boy very much.

Such a handsome fella. Sorry for your loss.

Thanks so much for your kind message. That is quite a challenge for your DS and his girlfriend. I'm afraid Bengals can sometimes be aggressive with other cats. A friend of mine had a literal menagerie (2 x Scottish terriers; 2 x miniature Dachshunds; a Bengal, and 2 moggies not to mention parrots and tortoises). the Bengal was fine with the other cats and dogs, as long as they all knew he was the boss. On the other hand, a very handsome and loving Bengal boy we used to have and kept as company for his mother (also a Bengal) became very dominant towards her after he had encountered other cats outside. He was beautiful, show quality, and one of the easiest cats I have ever had to handle and was fine with children and strangers, but it the end, after trying lots of things which didn't really work, we made the difficult decision to re-home him with a lovely couple where he would be the only pet. We had had his mother from a kitten and she was such a little scared thing and it just wasn't fair on her.
Has your son's Bengal had a bad experience with a stranger? Someone who played with him if not roughly, but by darting hands back and forth etc (in other words, encouraging their hunting instincts)? No cat, even a Bengal, should bite or scratch anyone, even a stranger without provocation, although I have another friend whose cat would do just that (but then again, my friend admits he played a bit "rough" with him when he was a kitten).
They can be re-trained, but it takes a lot of time and patience.
I do hope your son and his girlfriend manage to come to a solution or some sort.

Thank you. They are super cats. I appreciate others feel differently (sometimes with good reason). My DH is really down about it - the cat adored him and used to run to the door to greet him when he got home form work! We will all miss his chattiness.

So sorry for your loss. I have a Calico Bengal girl who is an absolute love. She came to us as an 8-week old, into a house with two other cats. Sadly she's the only girl left but she and our mackerel tabby girl raised the dog so well that our lump of a collie thinks he's a cat.

She was also a terror as a kitten; hubs was regularly used as a ladder and his poor legs got ripped to shreds but she's a snuggly girl now. Even if she's also an efficient psychotic killer of rodents and anything daft enough to get near her. Including pizza. Don't ever eat pizza in front of her as she has been known to grab the slice and hang on for dear life, even when it's picked up, until you give in and let her have it.

Thank you so much everyone. What lovely, kind souls you are. I'm ambivalent about social media (who isn't when you have children?!) but all of your messages and stories about your cats have brought much comfort and remind me that it can be a really good thing and not isolating and nasty at all.
And lastly, I should emphasise that while I love Bengals - a shout out to all the moggies. It was my late granny's moggies who first encouraged my love of that wonderful animal, the domestic cat. Would love a dog too one day (my granny had both) but it wouldn't be fair with current lifestyle.

@Love2dance We did not have him from a kitten. One of my son's work colleagues had a marriage breakdown and they had to sell the house. She moved into a room and could not keep the Bengal cat he moved back with his Mum who already had 2 cats. He asked at work if anyone would like to re-home him. He was only 3 years old and a gorgeous looking cat. He looks just like your Bengal boy. My son was in the process of buying a house in Hull but still living at home. He asked me if he could bring it here until he moved. We have 2 cats and 2 dogs but they are all very friendly and get along well. We tried to introduce them bit by bit using a scented blanket etc. It did not work, the Bengal kept trying to attack my little female cat. My son had to keep the Bengal in his room most of the time and I brought him down for an hour or so each lunch time to get some attention and had to shut my cats into the kitchen for their own safety. Anyway my son moved and took his Bengal cat, Toffee with him and the cat loves being an only pet. He is a bit possessive about my son who he adores. He now accepts sons girlfriend because she feeds him sometimes and gives him an odd treat, but she has a sweet little Ragdoll who quite honestly we all think Toffee would terrorise and kill. He can be a bit aggressive with neighbours cats and my son told me other cats are afraid of him. When he goes outside other cats have been seen running away. He has been neutered too.

A shout back out to you too! From us xx

@caringcarer how thoughtful and kind of your son to give this Bengal a home. Impossible to know what happened in the 3 years before Toffee went to live with him although I suppose the whole divorce, change of family process may have had an effect. I think you are all right to be cautious about your own cats and his girlfriend's cat. If he has to look at re-homing as a last resort, hopefully he can find some experienced Bengal owners and/or a single person who can give Toffee a loving home. I wish him and his girlfriend the best of luck.

What a sweetie!

My Bengal is 11 now and she is the sweetest. She’s having to go see a cardiologist for a heart murmur she has developed, so fingers crossed she will be okay. Although vocal, she’s never been aggressive. She greets every person that comes into our home and is quite social if we have people over, usually finding the person who hates cats the most and trying to change their mind. We got her from a breeder when she was 13 weeks old. I have to say she is also an atrocious hunter and scaredy cat. we’ve had to treat her for cat bites in the past and the vet says she must be soft as they’re always on her bum because she’s running away and I have literally seen her walk past shrews and a pheasant in the garden without so much as a blink. Her parents were both show cats so we aren’t sure if the softer nature is the result of breeding show cats that need to be more docile for handling.

She became obsessed with my now 7 year old DD when she was born and since that day has followed her around. She’s watched over her having baths, learning to crawl, first food. Shes been pushed round in dolls prams, had her hair brushed, everything and she comes back for more. She sleeps on DDs bed and has done every night since she started sleeping alone. She’s not overly keen on our 5 year old dog, who tries to treat her like another dog, but they do cuddle and “tolerate” each other.
It’s heartbreaking when they leave us. So sorry for your loss.

So sorry for your loss. It is a real loss, just as any member of the family. I' had cats (several) over the past 42 years, and felt such sadness when they died (the last one being last autumn, my beautiful old boy.

Grieve for your lovely cat. Think of him, have photos up of him, and remember that you gave him a good life and that he was very loved.

He'd never re-home him. He loves him too much. He and gf spend 4 nights together each week. 2 nights at his and 2 nights at hers. They live close by. They both love their cats and wouldn't part with them.

@Star11111 she sounds lovely, exactly what Bengal cats are capable of being. Mine was diagnosed with a heart murmur about 2 years ago. I do wonder if it's a feature of the breed. I hope your girl will be ok. It didn't really bother our Bengal boy, although we kept a watchful eye.

@DontMakeMeSayItTwice thank you. I am sorry to hear about the boy you lost too, not long ago. It's enough (but not quite!) to stop one getting another one

Our was very much a member of the family (in fact we used to joke he thought he was above the children and me in the pecking order). For some reason it was always my glass of water he would help himself to!

I know I'm about 2 years late on this post but I just lost my 17 year old Bengal boy this weekend and came across your post while trying to find how other Bengal parents felt after losing theirs. Mine was just like yours, he was definitely an a**e sometimes, used to attack my ankles or even forearms when he was younger, used to mark his territory around the exterior corners and doors of our house and none of that ever matter because of how loving and playful and even protective he was. He used to sit on my lap while we watched tv, he would chirp at me every time he saw me and he would greet me every time i walked in the door. It's such a tough loss and the few bad things are completely irrelevant when compared to the good and i would honestly be happy to clean up one of his messes just one more time. I hope you're doing better now, I know it's going to take me a very long time to feel okay without my Bengal buddy by my side.

I’m sorry you lost yours too. They leave a big hole.

@BengalJake I am so sorry for your loss and thank you for your message. Never too late to post on a thread like this one. It takes time but the pain does ease. He sounds lovely and reading your post makes me miss those chirps! 17 is a good age, but I know that doesn't make it any easier.
One reason for me coming back to Mumsnet (I haven't been on much at all since we lost him) was because I've noticed a huge increase in Bengal breeders. Nothing wrong with that, but I have also noticed that there seem to be a lot of Bengals in rescue centres. Sadly, I suspect some people get them for their looks without researching their breed type and how to care for them, then they aren't handled properly and grow up to be aggressive. We are beginning to think about getting a kitten but probably after Christmas as my work is very busy. The breeders we used previously (who bred Typha Typhast Bengals) have retired so we'll need to do our research carefully.
I hope you have lots of happy memories of yours and can take comfort from the fact he lived a happy life with you. Take care.