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Join our community of cat lovers on the Mumsnet Cat forum for kitten advice and help with cat behaviour.

Original poster

3 year old male cat hates 5 year old dd

10 replies

rbmilliner · 14/04/2023 08:31

Hi
I'm after advice.
We have an almost three year old male cat that we've had since he was a kitten.
It's been a long road waiting for him to calm down but he's finally settled enough to become a bit more mellow.
The problem is he hates my almost 6 year old daughter. He's never going to be a lap cat but likes being around us and being part of the family and is quite affectionate to me letting me stroke him, jumping on my lap etc. But when it comes to my daughter trying to stroke him it's always met with a 'go away lunge', like a warning as if he's going to bite because he doesn't want her to touch him. I've got no idea why he does this because she's never mistreated him and there have never been any 'accidents' such as stepping on him or the like.

We've always been very careful when their together instilling you stay calm around animals and they are definately not toys and she's got the message so treats him with love and affection.
It would be lovely see them bond as although he's a family pet we essentially got him for her (I think it's important kids grow up with animals and know how to treat them with respect as well as experience the pleasure of owning a pet) and I'm afraid that one day it will be more than a 'go away lunge' that will actually hurt her and break both mine and her heart.
Any advice on how I can get him to be more friendly towards her as she's desperate for him to let her simply stroke him.

OP posts:
coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 14/04/2023 08:41

Lots of cats don't like children as they're unpredictable by nature, no matter how much you encourage calm.

Could your encourage your DD (with help) to prepare his food or put treats out for him? If he sees her giving him food and putting it down, he may learn to associate her with good things.

When you say he lunges at her, is he swiping at her or trying to bite her?

Remaker · 14/04/2023 08:45

I agree put her in charge of feeding him. My friend’s cat hates her kids and will hide behind furniture to jump out and scratch them. But he loves my DD, rushes to greet her purring and rubbing. The only thing we can attribute it to is that we fed him a few times when they were on holiday and so he associates DD with food.

Reugny · 14/04/2023 08:51

Some cats don't like children below a certain age. Some cats don't like some people.

My CM's very friendly cat wouldn't let DD near him until she was 4. There as he was all over me and some other parents at the doorstep. The CM's other cat won't let DD near and most other people including some of the CM's household.

My DP's cat wouldn't let DD near her until DD was 3. The big joke is that until I met DP his cat wouldn't let him touch her most of the time. Instead she would visit random neighbours for attention and even get food off them yet come back to DP. DP is her source of consistent food and shelter. DP's cat has always been all over me and some other people, but disappears when some people come to visit.

My DD voice has got deeper as she has got older.

Original poster
rbmilliner · 14/04/2023 08:54

@coffeecupsandwaxmelts it's a bite lunge, a warning really, I don't think he wants to hurt her just telling to go away. He's not a scratcher, unless it's furniture 😯

@Remaker will try with the feeding, as I think most of his affection seems to be food led.

OP posts:
coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 14/04/2023 08:54

It could be an attempt at play biting.

One of mine nips playfully when he wants attention - does your daughter ever try and play with him?

SNWannabe · 14/04/2023 08:59

Let her do his food and throw toys for him or try a laser light thing to chase on the floor. But let the cat come to her. If you’re sitting together and cat comes to sit on you, don’t fuss him… ignore him and see if he moves onto her or nearer her for the attention you’re not giving him? But if he lunged when she goes to pet him, tell her not to approach him but let him approach her. Maybe some treats on her lap or from her hand etc. Build up association of treats and food with dd.

Original poster
rbmilliner · 14/04/2023 09:00

@Reugny it could be this, she is quite high pitched

@coffeecupsandwaxmelts no definately not playbiting. He does play bite with me and you tell its affectionate, his whole persona changes when she tries to stroke him when I've done exactly the same thing 30 seconds beforehand.

OP posts:
Original poster
rbmilliner · 14/04/2023 10:34

thanks @SNWannabe, will give these a go

OP posts:
Clusterfunk · 14/04/2023 11:50

If all this fails, you may just find your cat is a dickhead who prefers you to other humans. Mine is like this. Loves a head scratch from me, takes a chunk out of DP for the same thing 2 minutes later. He’s a dickhead (but he’s my dickhead 😂)

FormerlyPathologicallyHappy · 14/04/2023 12:00

As she gets bigger he might like her but at the moment he’s just not into her.

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