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The litter tray

Join our community of cat lovers on the Mumsnet Cat forum for kitten advice and help with cat behaviour.

Original poster

Help with my cats behaviour?

51 replies

sugaryouth1 · 08/04/2023 11:36

I have a cat. He's about 7 and a half months old. He's neutered and chipped and he has just started going outside.
He doesn't really like being outside so he isn't made.

We are having a couple of issues with him.
First of all he steals food and is now getting very aggressive about it. My daughter is 2, almost 3 and she cannot have anything to eat. He growls at her, jumps up at her, hisses and grabs things off her. He does it to me and my husband but less so. I think cos she's smaller he will go for her. He hasn't bitten her but I am scared he will. He's on a good diet of mixed wet and dry. We've started putting him in his cat carrier which I don't really want to do but it's the only way my daughter will eat unbothered.

He's started spraying, he's neutered and was done at 6 months. Again it's my daughters stuff and I don't know why. Her bed, her toys.

He has stopped using his litter box. He goes outside it. We change it regularly. He's always had 2. We've tried every litter on the market. He won't go outside so doing his business outside isn't an option.

We play with him, we spend so much time playing. We have 4 feliways in the house. Another cat is not an option, we didn't even want one but circumstances happened.

As awful as this sounds I'm starting to get annoyed. I'm sick of cleaning up his mess, I'm sick of my daughter not being able to eat in peace. I've been to the vets and they said he may or may not grow out of it and it could be his personality. Health wise he's fine. No issues.
I've told my husband if this doesn't change soon I'm going to have to look for somewhere else for him to live. I'm aware this makes me sound awful but I don't know what else to do. He's 7 months, he could live for another 20 years.
Any suggestions?

OP posts:
SinisterKnitter · 08/04/2023 13:09

What do you feed him, how often and where?

Original poster
sugaryouth1 · 08/04/2023 13:13

@SinisterKnitter he's on james wellbeloved kitten food. He has access to dry all day. And he has same brand wet food morning and night.
He's fed in the kitchen because we have a safety gate on so he can eat in peace. He's always ready for his food and I wouldn't even call it meowing. He screams when someone goes to feed him like he's not been fed for absolutely weeks. He's been wormed and is done regularly. We got him a treat ball and he isn't interested. He has treats, dreamies, lick licks. He's had bits of meat from dinners and things. He has a fountain for water. Again in the kitchen

OP posts:
coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 08/04/2023 13:14

Not all cats are suited to living with children - we have three cats. Two love everyone, but the third is incredibly anxious around strangers and would hate to share his spade with a child.

Being scared to go out, inappropriate urination and spraying are all signs of stress and anxiety in cats. If he's got the all clear from a vet, I would be looking to find him a new home with no children and lots of space.

Original poster
sugaryouth1 · 08/04/2023 13:18

I had a look on the cats protection website for our local area. For rehoming it's a wait of at minimum 4 months. I'm going to contact them and see what they say. I do dread what he might be like in 4 months. He's already a big cat. I've emailed for a call back as well to chat. Maybe he's just not happy

OP posts:
AnnaMagnani · 08/04/2023 13:31

He sounds stressed and miserable.

Weeing just over the edge of the litter tray is a sign of Feline Urinary Tract Syndrome- he's probably in pain when he wees. It's associated with stress.

I'd be having Feliway plugins all over the house, wet cat food only to up fluid intake and encourage the going outside so he can engage his cat brain.

Original poster
sugaryouth1 · 08/04/2023 13:40

@AnnaMagnani he's not weeing over the edges. He's weeing where ever he wants. I've got 4 feliways. 2 up and 2 down. Hasn't made a difference except to my bank balance

OP posts:
Mardiarse · 08/04/2023 13:49

Did you put the feliways out after he started weeing everywhere ?
my last cat absolutely feliway them and would actively avoid any places i’d put them. Maybe them that’s setting him off, no escape if you’ve got four

Original poster
sugaryouth1 · 08/04/2023 13:51

@Mardiarse yep we did. The vet suggested it after his neutering when we mentioned he was already having litter box problems. I'll unplug them and see what happens

OP posts:
Mardiarse · 08/04/2023 14:15

My last cat was scared of them that was meant to say, when I did googling, apparently it’s thing. Yeah try unplugging and see if it helps. Fingers crossed.

SinisterKnitter · 08/04/2023 14:35

I also know of someone whose cat was worse with Feliway. Worth trying.

Allergictoironing · 08/04/2023 14:55

A couple of other things you could try.

Firstly, I've had good results with Zylkene. It's natural and comes in capsules that you can pull open & sprinkle on wet food. Mine actually seem to enjoy the taste, and got them through stressful situations like bonfire night. It seems to be helping settle my new, very shy and anxious cat as well.

Second thing you could try is rather than shouting at him you hiss or growl the same as he does, as he will recognise that easier as it's how he shows displeasure. I did that a couple of times to Tobias (new cat) and he stopped hissing at me and also doesn't snatch at his chicken treats like he used to.

He may come round, or may be like my DiLs cat who had a personality change when their old cat died. He got really aggressive with his litter sister and despite her trying everything she knew (very experienced cat owner, plus researches everything) he ended up having to be rehomed as an only cat (where he was sweet as anything)

Good luck OP.

Allergictoironing · 08/04/2023 14:57

Bah typo. My SiLs cat. No offspring of my own to get married!

Original poster
sugaryouth1 · 08/04/2023 17:45

So tonight I put him in the bedroom while we had tea. I put dreamies in. Anyway my husband had to go upstairs to check because he was throwing himself at the door screaming. Like I said in a previous message it's not even like meowing. It's screaming. He bolted downstairs as soon as the door was open and threw himself at my daughter eating her tea. He's caught her face and scratched down her cheek. Again going from previous posts I have anxiety anyway but I am so anxious about this. Its her face. She's hysterical. I've only just calmed down and gone to take five and message here.

I've told my husband I want him gone. He's not a good fit for us. I'm sure he's unhappy too but right now it's hard for me to see his unhappiess as a result of this. I've messaged cats protection again but if it's going to be 4 months minimum wait I'll have to look around or ask the vet. I feel like I've failed both of them right now.

OP posts:
SinisterKnitter · 08/04/2023 19:04

So sorry for your dd Flowers

Your cat's behaviour does sound quite extreme and unusual. Try other rescues in your area and stress the risk to your child.

Thewolvesarerunningagain · 08/04/2023 22:31

Just catching up with this thread. OP I would definitely be looking to rehome him through a charity. He is clearly not the cat for you and your daughter has to be your priority. And I say this as someone who's absolutely been through the wringer with neurotic rescue pets and kept them. I've dealt with separation anxiety, floods of wee, poo eating, food guarding, night howling, sadistic violence to wildlife and dirty protests from pets in the past but I wouldn't accept aggression to my child that didn't have a clear path to resolution. As others have said I think your cat is poorly socialised (not your fault) and would benefit from a home that focus on his needs more than you can with a young child to consider. My heart goes out to you. It's a rotten thing to have to deal with, especially if there is likely to be a wait before you can get him to a rescue. I don't know what your financial situation is but if it's practical it may be worth approaching a local cat boarder to see if you could negotiate a rate for extended stay?

myveryownelectrickitten · 08/04/2023 22:44

I would rehome him ASAP - you’ve tried really hard with him, and it’s clearly not the right home for him - your daughter shouldn’t have to feel scared of him, and she comes first. Some cats just really don’t like young children, and may see them as a threat to their own resources. If he’s aggressive to her, he really has to go.

We have a lovely (though super demanding!) 2 y o female, who we took on after she became very unhappy and aggressive in her previous home when the owners had a baby. With us she’s delightful - my DD’s ten so much older and she is happy with my DD - but she clearly saw the baby as some kind of threat to her territory. But she’s like a different cat with us and we suit her. There will be a home out there that suits your cat, too - probably one without any young children!

So don’t feel guilty that it hasn’t worked out. You have plenty of time to find the right cat for you later on.

Try the vet who may know of people wanting to adopt immediately. (We actually got our cat through a breed Facebook group which often finds new homes for cats from that specific breed.) Worth asking around family and friends too.

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 08/04/2023 23:10

Many years ago, we had a kitten who was a nice, friendly, intelligent cat. We had him and his litter sister from a good breeder, they settled in well, never really had any problems.

He changed totally after he was neutered. He was aggressive to his sister, like your cat he weeed everywhere having previously used his tray, he was very unhappy, and he made everyone else unhappy.

After a lot of research , we ( and the breeder) believed that he had had an adverse reaction to the anaesthetic when he was neutered. It had basically driven him mad. He showed no improvement with us, she took him back and re him in a farm but he was endless trouble there. He had to be euthanised, he was miserable and he made everyone, man and beast, miserable too.

Original poster
sugaryouth1 · 09/04/2023 08:32

He's going to go live with a friend of mine from work. She has a massive house and no children and no other pets. I cannot wait 4 months for cats protection to get back to me especially with the way he is around my daughter.

OP posts:
Allthecatsandcosyblankets · 09/04/2023 08:48

You're doing the right thing OP

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 09/04/2023 09:35

I think you've made the right decision and I'm sure your cat will be very happy in his new home 🥰

Allergictoironing · 09/04/2023 09:59

Sounds like you've made the right decision for you, your child and for the cat. Hopefully he will be a much happier cat in what sounds like a very different environment.

SinisterKnitter · 09/04/2023 10:05

Hopefully he will be much happier there.

MrsSkylerWhite · 09/04/2023 10:09

You’ve made the right decision, you’ll all be happier.

Clarich007 · 09/04/2023 14:33

So sorry to read of your problems, but you are doing the right thing.
I wish I had done this 6 years ago with my street cat. We felt guilty and pressed on but he has never improved.In some ways he is worse now, in some ways better. He isn't a good fit for us or him either.
We are both miserable.

Original poster
sugaryouth1 · 09/04/2023 14:47

I was venting to my work mate last night on the phone and she said she'd take him. She picked him up this morning. I gave her everything we had for him. I just hope he's happier. He was a cute little cat and I may not have given the impression but I did love having him around. He was so funny. He used to chase socks and bring them to us as presents. Hopefully he settles

OP posts: