Yesterday morning we picked our 2 year old cat up from the cattery.
He had been there for 2 nights as we had been away for my brothers funeral.
We had literally just pulled out of the car park onto the road and he let out a howl and just fell over in the carrier.
It was awful. He just kind of howled and then like fell over. I knew he'd gone but I kept stroking and massaging his chest. We were round the corner from the vet so went straight in. They took him straight in but it was too late. I honestly just fell apart. Between my brother and now this it was just too much. I had to wait to pull myself together before we came home and told my son then when we told him and he broke down it just about fucking broke me.
He was just a baby.
My house is so empty without him tinkling about and running in and out through his cat flap, sleeping on his little bed in our room and following us if we go to the loo at night. Waiting at the window when we'd been out. He was such a beautiful boy and he was just a baby. I literally cannot stop crying whenever I'm in the house, even woke in a panic last night and started off again and I just feel like I've been punched in the heart when I think of his cheeky little face.
The vet thinks it was an undiagnosed heart condition.
I've suffered a lot of loss in my life and there's always been this thing inside that just tells me to keep going, but honestly, not this time. I just want to stay in bed and cry all day.