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Original poster

When will I know I'm ready for a new cat?

49 replies

Iheartlibrarians · 06/03/2023 00:23

I lost my adored rescue cat at the end of January. She'd been abandoned by her previous owners and found living in a garden, severely overweight and with lots of other problems like a heart murmur and arthritis. With me she lost all the excess weight and was unrecognisable- and of course very bonded to me as a result, at my side all the time.😔

A year ago she had a stroke and I paid through the nose for a specialist referral, all the scans and then an operation to remove what turned out to be a hormone-producing tumour. I didn't think twice, even if I suspected friends thought I was bonkers!

And this this year it just all happened really fast- she was slowing down in the run-up to Christmas so I took her in and they did a scan that showed her liver was huge. In the end it turned out to be carcinoma, but she declined very rapidly at the vet and they told me they didn't think she'd even survive a referral to a specialist and that she was in pain, so I had to make the tough decision even before we had the results back.

I scattered her ashes in my garden, which helped, but I still feel very sad, and cheated- she didn't even make it to 12 & I'd only had her for four years.

What I can't decide is how I'll know I'm ready for another one. The house feels wrong without a cat in it, and I keep looking at the website of the shelter where I got her, but I don't want to do it too soon and risk being disappointed because of course a new cat won't be my girl brought back to life.

When did others know the time was right? I've read lots of posts from others and I know you won't say the answer is "when you don't miss her any more".

OP posts:
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6
AnnieSnap · 06/03/2023 00:37

As soon as you want one. You won’t be replacing her, you will just be bringing another little soul into your home. Caring for another animal won’t sweep away your grief, but it will feel good to care for and slowly bond with another. 💐

NevieSticks · 06/03/2023 00:41

I replaced my 17 year old cat who died last May in the July. Each cat holds its own part of your heart.

NewNameForXmas · 06/03/2023 00:43

I said 'no more cats for at least a year!'. Within a month I was on our rescue website and took 3 brothers. Only have one left now but keeping an eye on the site. DH just smiles and gets the cat baskets out.

SnuggleBuggleBoo · 06/03/2023 00:45

Can you volunteer at the rescue for a bit, see if one adopts you?

MosquitoBuffet · 06/03/2023 00:48

I wanted a good few months between my boy being PTS and getting another one.

A trip to the RSPCA 'just to pet some cats' resulted in a cat falling in love with my husband and that was that.

Sometimes fate makes the decision for you Smile

Alphabet1spaghetti2 · 06/03/2023 00:49

I’ve never had a choice in the matter! With all my cats and dogs, it’s like a bat signal has gone up as soon as there is a vacancy, and the universe seems to send me a cat/s or dog/s which need a home.
Somehow you will just know, I suspect you are really looking for ‘permission’ to go ahead and search for a new cat companion - so if it’s what you want, go and have a look.
(Disclaimer : I am secretly an enabler who wants all homeless cats to have a good home.)

PissedOffNeighbour22 · 06/03/2023 00:53

Agree with @AnnieSnap. I was devastated when my wonderful rescue cat was killed. I got another cat from the same rescue quite soon after. It was nice to have something else to care for in my grief.

When she had to be PTS 7yrs later after a huge tumour was found, I decided to wait a few months. I just didn't feel ready. When I started looking I wanted something specific but was instead persuaded to take a cat they assured me was perfect for me. They were incredibly pushy and made me feel sorry for the cat, enough to say I'd take it. 5yrs later and I still regret taking her due to her behavioural issues. When she passes, I'll take a longer break before getting another cat and will make 100% sure it's the right choice.

Rebel2 · 06/03/2023 01:02

I honestly believe she will send you another when it's right which sounds woo I know GrinBlush

Long but... I had a horse for years and he was unwell and I lost him. His stable was next door to another horse and I would always give her a fuss when I walked past and think how pretty she was!
After him I quit horses totally and lost contact with most horse people. Browsing a forum online, spotted the stables I used to be at and messaged the poster and we got back in touch on FB

I ended up going to see her as she had a horse for loan, this was 10 years after the loss. She introduced me to the horse and said "you'll know her". Of course I did, it was the one that used to live next door to mine. Absolutely believe he sent her to me, and I had a decade of nothing but love with her. Currently waiting for her to decide when it's right to send me another

HerNameIsIncontinentiaButtocks · 06/03/2023 01:22

It was three weeks in our house. As soon as you start browsing the local rescue sites, that's your sign.

Toddlerteaplease · 06/03/2023 08:10

Cheddar came home ten days after Maia died. I can't believe that she was in the rescue at the right time. I like to think Maia sent her.

Original poster
Iheartlibrarians · 06/03/2023 16:15

Thanks everyone. I think the poster who said I was 'looking for "permission"' was about right...

I've just got off the phone to the shelter and am going in to see some cats on Sunday and see if any of them seem like The Chosen One. 😊😊😊

And very sorry for your loss, @Rebel2.

OP posts:
CatLove4 · 10/03/2023 23:15

Wishing you a nice weekend. Our cat has very similar liver issues, but wasn’t cancer. We lost her 10 days ago, now we find ourselves visiting a shelter tomorrow and adopting. We can’t deal with the emptiness and whilst this cat won’t replace her, I too would like to think it was just fate.

Alphabet1spaghetti2 · 10/03/2023 23:37

I heard a lovely phrase today. I hope it helps - grief is just love looking for a home. Maybe that home, is a cat.

Snooks1971 · 10/03/2023 23:43

Alphabet1spaghetti2 · 06/03/2023 00:49

I’ve never had a choice in the matter! With all my cats and dogs, it’s like a bat signal has gone up as soon as there is a vacancy, and the universe seems to send me a cat/s or dog/s which need a home.
Somehow you will just know, I suspect you are really looking for ‘permission’ to go ahead and search for a new cat companion - so if it’s what you want, go and have a look.
(Disclaimer : I am secretly an enabler who wants all homeless cats to have a good home.)

Same here ❤️

Allergictoironing · 11/03/2023 08:05

3 weeks in my case, and that was with a surviving cat at home and included the wait between being selected by the cat and bringing him home.

Of course since then he's been very anxious and is still in isolation in the spare bedroom, and it's likely to be months until he's properly integrated with me & Girlcat. But though I will never forget Boycat and still get upset, especially when I feel him jumping onto the bed for cuddles despite him being gone, I had the space for another cat in need.

Hobbesmanc · 11/03/2023 08:17

I couldn't bear to be in a cat less home. We get kittens in pairs usually so over our long cat loving lives we've always had one. But always get another pair rapidly.

AwkwardSquad · 11/03/2023 08:32

I agree with other posters who’ve said it’s not that you’re replacing your beloved cat, it’s that you have a cat-shaped space for another furry little overlord who needs a home. It’s ok if you don’t feel attached to the new cat for a while; the fondness will grow over time and in the meantime a cat has been safely homed.

AwkwardSquad · 11/03/2023 08:33

Ps it took us about 10 months

Sunriseinwonderland · 11/03/2023 08:37

You'll always miss her but another cat will help you with your grief.
i waited a few months before rescuing another cat and two years later I still miss my cat everyday but the current cat is a joy and makes me feel better.

Bunnyishotandcross · 11/03/2023 08:54

Good luck for tomorrow op. Some poor dcat may be about to have a change of luck!
One of our pair died 3 years ago. His db was inconsolable and I caved and got a dkitten. Saved his little soul for sure...

When will I know I'm ready for a new cat?
LlynTegid · 11/03/2023 08:57

Hope you meet the next cat to live in your home tomorrow.

Sorry to read of your loss.

NevieSticks · 11/03/2023 11:59

@Iheartlibrarians what lovely news!

Kittensat36 · 11/03/2023 19:44

She'll send you the right cat/cats. Don't worry about that.

CatLove4 · 12/03/2023 23:50

How did you get on this weekend @Iheartlibrarians ?

Original poster
Iheartlibrarians · 13/03/2023 09:33

Hi all! They rang again on Friday and there were some very sweet ones I was tempted to meet but the upshot is that I need to get a catflap put in unless I want to limit myself to an older one (and hence all the heartbreak again only a few years later).

I never got one for my old girl because her previous owners had let her get so overweight she wouldn't have been able to fit, and then by the time we got that sorted she was only interested in going into the garden with me anyway (*cries again).

So I'll do that and just keep half an eye on the shelter website in the meantime- obviously I'm already in love with several of them..

Lovely pics, @Bunnyishotandcross !

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