Newborn and cats

[Georgina125]

Hello all. I am 34 weeks pregnant currently. I have sadly lost 2 newborn children in the last few years, which has understandably devastated our whole family and means there is a lot of anxiety surrounding this new precious baby.

We have 2 tuxedo cats who are almost 3. We have a small cat-proofed garden and a cat flap. I love the cats very much but I know I have to prepare them for the big changes coming. There is a lock on our bedroom door so we can get them used to not coming into our room at night, I've bought a cat net to go over the crib to deter the cats from trying to get in the crib with baby and I'm also getting the cats used to sometimes being shut in the kitchen with the cat flap into the garden.

My mother is very concerned about the cats potentially harming the baby. She hasn't ever had cats but is convinced they will jump on top of baby, knock over the moses basket or be aggressive to the Baby. After the loss of 2 Grandsons, she is clearly very traumatised but her constant questioning of whether we will keep baby safe is upsetting me (I can't help but blame myself for the loss of my first 2 babies, even though logically its not my fault). She wants us to keep the cats shut in the kitchen every night, never let the cats near the baby (even closely supervised) and has suggested putting the cats in a cattery for the first month of baby's life. I think putting the cats in a cattery would potentially make things worse when they come home and everything has changed. I think letting them sniff the baby a bit and get to know her (closely supervised) is a good idea. And leaving them shut in the kitchen every night is cruel.

It's a sensitive situation. What has everyone else done when bringing a newborn home to cats?

Firstly I'm so very very sorry for your losses. It's no surprise that your anxiety is through the roof.

Of course there is some risk when it comes to any animal and a newborn however I think you've got everything right - close supervision, shut out of the bedroom and not allowed alone together.

I have three cats and all of which took the change well (though one grumped for a day or two that I'd left her overnight to have said baby). They adjusted really well and now have a lovely relationship with my one year old.

You're absolutely doing everything right and although the anxiety will likely be there on a million fronts, hopefully people can recognise that you're being safe and careful.

Wishing you all the luck and happy times ahead. X

Hi. Firstly, easier said than done but just try not to worry about what ifs and just prepare yourself to deal with things as/when they come about.

I have a cat and worried about this when we brought our newborn home 4 months ago. So far, all has been fine and although the cat is curious and likes to sniff the baby and gradually get closer over time, the reality is he's scared of this unpredictable noise maker and the moment she moves or makes a noise, the cat's off.

Obviously with past trauma it is a difficult thing to navigate for you and your DM, but cat's are so different and only your know what they are likely to do but I would say that as long as you are always close enough to prevent the cats doing any damage to LO you should get them used to each other. We only stop our cat from being in our room (which baby shares with us atm) because we're always with baby otherwise.

Put it this way. If our baby had an allergy to cats, we would have to rehome the cat (which would break my heart), but I wouldn't rehome him on the off chance of an allergy, so why do you need all these preventative's without knowing how the cats will react.
Hope this helps, good luck!!!

OP I'm so sorry for your previous losses and understand why this baby and pregnancy must be piling anxiety onto you. I'm 33 weeks with our second child. With DD1 we put tinfoil in the cribs and set them up in advance to let the cat get used to them. We also used lemon juice which I rubbed onto the crib (apparently that deters them - our daft cat loved the taste!) When we brought DD home cat was mildly interested, had a bit of a sniff then left her alone. He didn't like it when she cried and would run out the room. Even when she was at the crawling/into everything stage he generally just observed from a distance.

Baby 2 is on the way and I'm not remotely stressed about the cat. Don't listen to old wives tales about them being attracted to the smell of milk or "stealing the baby's breath". No one I know with a cat has had any issues beyond having to sometimes shoo the cat away if they're sniffing a bit too close. Poor cat was the one in danger when she found her feet - I think he's looking at me very suspiciously now I'm pregnant again, wondering if I'm really bringing another into this house.

Did exactly the same as before baby was born apart from making sure they wasnt in same room as us when baby was asleep if I was trying to get jobs done or if they was just kept eye on them. Then the door to living room was shut so at night so they only had the kitchen and utility room which had access to cat cat flap so could come and go as they please until we got up x

Hi OP, firstly so sorry to hear of your losses and congratulations on your pregnancy. I have a 3 week old and a cat who previously had the run of the house and was very spoiled by us! We also shut our bedroom door in the weeks/months leading up to the birth to get him used to it and now we have a nice happy medium whereby in the day he has the full run of the house and at night he's shut downstairs (access to everything, it's open plan).

The problem we have encountered is him being a bit jealous - he's been urine marking in the house which has been stressful! To try and keep his stress down we've got a Feliway plugin and made sure he always has access to a baby free space. We're also making sure to spend time playing and fussing him each day. This all seems to be working and he seems much happier now but we're of course playing it by ear!

In terms of him being a 'danger' to the baby, he's far more in the space of cautiously curious than posing any threat if that helps! We've also been covering the next to me to stop the cat going in.

HTH and good luck!

I second the pp who said about the tinfoil. I just monitored our cats behaviour over a period of time around the baby and when I was happy they were giving baby a wide birth only then did I leave them unattended in the room together. Tin foil in moses and cot really helped. Cats hate the stuff. Make sure to give cats lots of attention once baby arrives so they don't feel left out.

Thank you @L96F ,@Olivia199 ,@Onebabyandamadcat and @RikkiVictorious . It's so easy to second guess myself, especially when my DM is so convinced she is right. I've asked her to please trust that I've done my research and I wouldn't put my precious baby at risk but there's just been silence back, so I know she still thinks I don't understand the potential risk. I have so much anxiety now that birth is coming closer and I really don't need her trying to put more anxiety into my mind or making me feel like I can't do this.

I will start to shut the kitchen door occasionally, where the cat flap is so they get used to having new boundaries. My cats love foil because they are weird!

I’m sorry to hear of your losses.
We have a fairly attitudinal cat. There was only one incident with my second ( and she was over six months). Dd was asleep in her big pushchair in the garden without a cat net and the cat leapt in the pushchair to sleep in it (as the cat often did when dd wasn’t in it). The cat woke the child and the child frightened the cat by waking up.
The cat did not leap into an occupied push chair again. Really not the cat will sleep on the baby scenario. Generally the cat does it’s best to keep out of the way

I googled about this once, out of curiosity. There are no known cases of baby deaths caused by cats, apart from one rather dubious instance in Eastern Europe.

I’m sorry for your losses. We had two cats when DS1 was born. What we found was we received a series of ‘presents’ from the Tom cat who was very concerned he’d been forgotten about. And that was it. DS2 has always adored them and so it’s the cats who have needed mild protection (they’re fairly stoic).

My cats never showed any interest in trying to climb on either DD or really going near them until they were of an age where they could stroke them! Cats generally aren't going to be interested in tiny humans who can randomly start shrieking at any time. I think it's a bit of an urban myth the whole smothered by a cat thing! My cat has far nicer places to sleep than on top of a baby!

When we had ds our 2 dcats weren't even in the same room for about a year - their choice - ds was way too loud!
Ime dcats do not plot and scheme to cause mischief with dc...

I'm so sorry for your losses of your first two children.

Our cat was 1.5 years old when DD was born and he came and sniffed her head a lot. We let him come in our bedroom as usual and he never bothered going near her bassinet either while she was in it or out of it.

If she cries he runs over and peers inside her bed, he also runs in to our toddler's room if he cries in the night and then comes to us and meows loudly. I think he finds us neglectful parents.

@eddiemairswife I googled that too. A 9-month old right? It seemed a bit unlikely.

@Orangesare ,@DelurkingAJ ,@Hugasauras ,@Sprouttreesareamazing my cats don't like new people so I did kind of think they'd be more likely to hide than anything else. In the brief time our second son was home before we lost him, they sniffed him a bit but then kept their distance.

@addler cats are so judgemental! Given the long, patronising message I just received from my mother (telling me I am stressing her out by not taking her concerns seriously), my mother might be a cat.

Think I need to trust myself and have some space from my mother until she stops upsetting me.

I had a baby in January and we just leave our cat in the livingroom at night to sleep and we sleep up the stairs with the bedroom door closed. Apart from that everything is just as normal really. It's just the sleeping situation you have to be careful with as cats like heat. Aslong as you keep them away from your baby when they are sleeping it will be fine.

You really don't need to be handling your mothers anxiety on top OP. She's bound to be anxious too but there are boundaries and lines and she's crossing one by not backing off here. You are doing absolutely everything to keep that precious baby safe and her creating more stress is really unfair. Saw your later update about how she thinks you're not taking her concerns seriously?! She should be supporting you now, not deciding she's right on something and forcing extra stress, pressure, worry and anxiety onto you. As if you're not under enough!

People always want to give advice and always think they're right (you see it a lot with "I did x with my baby 20 years ago and it worked so well"... meanwhile 'x' is now considered quite dangerous!) But this situation is a huge exacerbation of that.

I really hope she kindly bogs off and recognises that you're that tiny humans mama and you're doing everything you need to do to ensure a safe and happy home. And maybe realises she's being unreasonable here..

Hello. We’ve just had a newborn and we also have a cat (a very needy cat!). Things we did and found - although this is our experience so may not help you or your cat may react differently:

• tin foil: pre baby we put this in the cots / prams. It worked for a bit. Since baby arrived our cat has never gone in the next to me crib. I suspect because it smells of the baby
• as much as I miss my cat I always lock her downstairs now at night and if me/baby are napping. Just in case. It’s not forever. Yes I miss the cat but she’s got used to the routine now so it doesn’t bother her, and I give her extra cuddles in the day.
• my cat is mildly nervous of the baby and does sniff her occasionally but mainly ignores her - makes it easy to be honest!
• interestingly my cat gets upset if baby is crying - my cat will supervise nappy changes (my baby cries) and if we don’t respond to baby crying quickly enough our cat will tell us off
• when baby sleeps I dedicate some time to give the cat attention to make sure she still feels loved

please don’t overthink it. The key is supervision, being sensible, and unfortunately probably locking the cat out when you sleep at night. Hope this helps.

@Catdaft and @JL642 thank you for your experiences, we will definitely keep the cats out of the bedroom whilst we and baby are sleeping.

@Olivia199 most of the time I get on with my mother but every now and then, she gets a bee in her bonnet and becomes determined she is right. In this mood she will bulldoze people and insist everything she says and does is justified because she's right and saving the day. When I was younger, I used to think that she must be right, being older and wiser. But I've been through hell several times over these last few years and I don't accept that she's wiser than me anymore.

So sorry for your losses OP, your worries are understandable but it will be ok. I have two cats and like you I have a cat flap in the kitchen I'm always supervising if they are near DD, I didn't allow them near her the first 3 weeks, I had a basket of her laundry in the hallway so that they get used to her smell.

I usually close the kitchen door at night, they have beds in there, mine are active hunters, so if the kitchen door is not closed there could be mice or birds or other stuff hidden in random corners of the house, I also have regular visitor cats (2 atm) who figured how to use the flap, and so they come in eat, sleep, live here part time basically I thought about getting one of those flap with the micro-chip recognition option....

Lately it's been so cold so I haven't been closing the kitchen door, if 3 or 4 of them are in the kitchen (2 are mine and 2 are visitors) they fight and I like the fact that I'm providing shelter to the other two, however I'm keeping our bedroom door closed because of the possibility of them hunting (although most likely when weather is nice and warm, my cats hunt much less during cold months)

What I did was ignore anybody who started on about the cats.

You've got enough to deal with already, you don't need somebody else's demands making your life so much harder. And you're planning all the right things.

I can absolutely understand that and especially as a child you do just go with the fact they MUST be right. But now, after everything you've been through - no, I don't think she is wiser. Sounds like another one of her bees though, but one that's painful for you considering the past few years, and one that isn't lending itself to being supportive right now. You know what you're doing, we all seem to agree so try and take solace in that and hopefully she'll move on soon too!

And in the mean time, enjoy those furr babies and their new addition!!

I'm so sorry for your losses. It's no surprise that you're feeling anxious - and of course your mum is fuelling that.

It sounds like you've thought things through really well re how you're going to keep baby safe. I think you're right to not leave the cats and baby alone ever, at least until you've figured out what level of interest your cats might have in the baby. If they are lap cats or enjoy the warmth of sleeping next to you, I would think there's more danger of them wanting to get in the crib with baby, than if they don't really seek out human company. I agree with you that I'd shut them out of the bedroom at night, but I don't see why your mum thinks they need to be shut in the kitchen?!

In terms of preparation, I'd make these changes now, which you're doing, so the cats don't associate it with baby. I don't know if I'm mad, but I played my cat YouTube videos of babies crying so he wasn't alarmed by the noise! Also I'd read, when you've had baby but are still in hospital, get someone to bring home baby's sleepsuits and even a bagged used nappy, and put these in the house. This way the cats get used to baby's smell before he/she is home!

Good luck with everything. Will be thinking of you.

@HimalayaSalts and @NeverDropYourMooncup - thank you, I think your advice is right and reassuring.

@Olivia199 yes, everyone seems to agree with my approach so I'm going to focus on that and have some space from my mother for a bit.

@teachermummyme I'm going to put some foil in the crib and moses basket now and start shutting the bedroom door this weekend, so the cats don't associate the changes with baby. Neither cat sleeps much with us. One of them sometimes sleeps at the end of the bed but not any closer. They aren't particularly laps cats either. Mostly just like being petted.

I'm going to go with the approach of close supervision and ignore my mother. For my own, rather fragile, mental health, I will give myself some space from her. Thank you all.

Forgot to add cat photos 😊