Things I’ve said to cats and children

[GenuineKlatchianPottery]

Don’t drink the bath water
Don’t try and eat that
Get down from there
How did you manage to do that?
Stop biting me, I’m going to feed you now!
I’m sure I’ll think of more.

Who's pooed on the floor?
This is your daily reminder you are not a dog.

“You are smaller than me, how can you take up twice as much room on the sofa?”
usually said as I’m squished into the corner while child/cat are starfishing 🙄

"Stop stealing your sister's food you fat bastard"

"Please stop licking my eyelids"

"Get off my seat or I'm going to sit on you..." (for the millionth time)

All said to cats 😹

Get your head out of the fridge.
It’s very cold out, are you sure you want to go outside
It’s bit time to wake up yet, go back to sleep
What are you doing up there

Who ate all the cheese?

At least I don't have to remind the cats to put their coats on, they remind me that their Mum gave them beautiful Real Fur catsuits .

Oh , you know exactly what time it is don't you ?
(Cats at Dreamies Time . DC when dinner is being served)

"What lovely treats do you want to buy your beautiful Mummy this year? " as gently pressing cats paw down on buy now Amazon button.

"I don't care if you don't like it, take your medicine"
"Stop whining, we'll be home soon"
"What the f**k is it now, why are you screaming "muuummm" non-stop"

You can't play outside, it's too cold/wet
What flavour would you like
Come on now, it's bedtime
Get your feet off me, they're cold
Oh good girl/boy
Did you like that dinner
Oh look, here's your dad coming home

Hi <insert name of cat or offspring> what have you been up to today?
Better chance of a meaningful response from the cat over a teenager.

I know it’s raining but there is nothing I can do about that
why do you hate that food today - you love that food
Back off that’s my lunch!
<sniffs air> was/is that you?

Stop licking that!
That's not your bowl!