Dealing with the loss of a kitten

[missingmittens]

NC'd as outing details (including photos) are included.

We adopted two kittens who had been abandoned at a local vet in the middle of October. Two little boys about four months old, who we named Mittens and Marmite. Absolutely beautiful, friendly animals, they settled in seamlessly. Us and kids all besotted. It felt utterly perfect.

Unfortunately, one of them (Mittens) became unwell nearly two weeks ago. Sadly, things escalated quickly and we had to make the awful decision to put him to sleep last Friday (I'm not sure if the details here are relevant but don't mind sharing if they're needed). It's hit me and my DS (8yo) particularly hard; I know pet loss is a part of life but we honestly didn't expect to lose one of them after just five weeks of having them in the family, at such a young age. It's unbelievably unfair.

Our other cat (Marmite) seems ok enough at the moment, he's become cuddlier since his brother passed away. He's still eating and playing. He's not really a miaowy kitty, but he does purr so is showing signs of being content enough, I think. I don't know how to tell if he's dealing with it ok; they played together constantly and often curled up together, and I do worry that he will get lonely, although there's normally someone at home at all times and he will be an outdoor cat eventually.

Anyway - point of the thread. I've been talking to DH about whether or not we try and bring another kitten/cat into the family at some stage in the new year.

We wanted two cats for various reasons - company for each other being the biggest one. My main worry is that if we did decide to introduce another cat, that Marmite might become stressed, or reject it - he was always the dominant one between him and Mittens. I'm worried that if this happened, it would be incredibly upsetting for all of us, but my DS in particular, and I don't want to subject him/us to any more heartache. But on the other hand, I hate the thought of Marmite being lonely.

I'm in no way going to rush into anything, but it's on my mind, so I wondered whether anyone here had any advice or wisdom to share on whether it's a good idea to at some stage get another cat, and how to manage integration if we did go for it.

Thank you.

Oh they're beautiful and I'm so very sorry for your loss. I think when they're still babies and not had a good crack at life, it makes it so much harder.

I'd personally introduce a new kitten in a month or so, maybe think about a female? You can use feliway diffusers etc so Marmite doesn't get too stressed. Kittens and for that matter cats, can adapt pretty quickly.

In my experience cats often react better to another of the opposite (de-sexed) gender.

I think it’s because they don’t feel as competitive.
There’s no guarantee they’ll end up close friends but being young should at least tolerate each other.
It’s sad your poor kit became sick and I hope it works out with your new one.

Oh OP, I’m so sorry - what a beautiful boy he was - I hope you find peace in the knowledge that you gave him a wonderful life in the time he had with you. As a PP said, a female kitten may be a good idea in the next few weeks to keep your other beautiful boy company x

So sorry for your loss, you could see how Marmite gets on as he may be happy as an only cat.

Thank you everyone.

Indeed he might be equally as happy on his own as he would be with a playmate @NoelNoNoel which is why we're not going to rush anything. It's so hard to know what the right thing to do is both for him and the family unit, my heart says another cat is the right thing, but my head is concerned that it could backfire and cause more stress and heartache both for Marmite and us.

Are cats generally happier with company? I honestly don't know?

If we do decide to look for another, it seems a female would be the best way forward.

@Jaybird43 thank you, that has given us lots of comfort. I do think he was a happy kitten, he was so snuggly, and he knew he was loved immeasurably.

I have the happiest cat you could ever hope for and he’s a solo cat.
My SIL has two and they are very happy.

I'm so sorry about your beautiful kitten, so hard to deal with such a huge loss.
We had a similar situation, and after a few weeks got another kitten.Sorry to say it was a total disaster from day one despite careful slow introductions.
The older cat, female and 5 years old regularly attacked and beat the little kitten up .He was about 12weeks old.It was real aggression, torn ear and hard bites.It was so upsetting.
The awful thing was he was such a sweetheart from the first minute he walked in.So friendly loving and confident.It was the older cat who left home for days then ended up living in the shed for a week.We were very torn as we loved Sacha so much by then.
We finally made the decision to take him back to the owner, accidental pregnancy but had a list of people who wanted them all
20 years later and I often think about him fondly.Ironic thing is our other cat went missing 6 months later and we never saw her again!
The couple that moved into our house to take care of her while we were on holiday decided, without telling us that they were taking her back to their home instead of staying here God knows why they did it.She escaped in a totally strange place and disappeared.It took all my strength not to yell and tell them off.

Sorry that should have said get a kitten, not get another kitten

So sorry. I would get the new kitten sooner rather than later so that Marmite is still young and adaptable.

Oh, I'm so sorry. They are both beautiful

I have been through similar, it's awful,.it hit me as hard as losing a cat l had had many years.
My surviving kitten seemed very lost without his sibling, so l introduced another pair of kittens, one male, one female and it's worked out really well. Three of them are good friends. They are now just over a year old and l haven't had any issues. I also have an older cat who is nine and it's amazing how laid back he is around them.
maybe l just got luck they all seen pretty chilled, l have had cats previously who have had more of a dominant nature. I was careful how l introduced them to one another, took my time, no rush. There's some helpful videos on Youtube regarding successfully introducing your cats, many people make the mistake of rushing it, mine were in the house for one of two weeks at least without even meeting one another.

Didn't work out for us in that the replacement kitten was never best buds with the original kitten, they eventually tolerated each other but the new kitten was definitely the subservient cat, they wouldn't sleep on the same bed or sofa for instance. The second kitten only really came out of her shell when the first cat died aged 12.

Hi all. My op was made in December last year. We decided not to risk it and keep Marmite as an only cat. He and my DS are incredibly close, although he's still not a very cuddly cat (although he's ending closer by the week). He's going out now and gets very upset by other cats, so even though I know a new kitty in the house may well have been different, my instinct is that we did the right thing.

Sorry, didn't realise it was not a new thread.

Good to hear Marmite has adapted well to be the precious only cat :)