The Hidden Paw…

[TheBalletCats]

Last night, courtesy of the sleep disorder that still awaits more precise labelling let alone any kind of intervention, the BalletCats managed to steal over half a vegan salted caramel milkshake from me.

The truly impressive part of this particular theft, however, is that they took the lidded cup from my bedside table to the foot of my bed; managed to remove the lid & consume the milkshake spilling only a tiny amount onto my topsheet that they assiduously cleaned up (had I not been hunting for the evidence I’d not have noticed it); & even when they knocked the cup & lid onto the floor they made no mess.

Imagine my confusion though - even as someone who sleepwalks - on waking around 2230-2300 (having been ambushed by sleep around 1900-1930) & realising that the cup of milkshake that should be on my bedside table had simply vanished. Admittedly I was having to rely on looking around from sitting up in bed, but that allowed me a good view. Am just staggered by the level of stealthiness involved.

They are dreadful for stealing any food they can get their wee paws on, but this is another level of produce-pilfering. I think it may even beat stealing my toast & Marmite off my plate as I put out my hand to pick it up.

They'll absolutely not have it that they’re obligate carnivores. They get the ✨fancy✨ catfood but are apparently absolutely determined to sample all the vegan food they can. (Just in case anyone on MN is going to make odd “deductive” leap that happened elsewhere on social media in discussion of cats stealing vegetarian & vegan food: the cats are fed in line with requirements of them being wee obligate carnivores who’ve chosen an indoor-only life; they steal vegan food because that is what their human eats. Feeding a cat a vegan diet goes against the guiding principles of veganism, what with it being animal abuse.)

I know I’m not alone in having cats who make Macavity & his hangers-on look rank amateurs when it comes to their cat burgling. We’ve to have a lock on the fridge because otherwise blond!cat will pry open the door at the top so black!cat can shove it right the way open from the bottom and act as door-stop while his brother clambers about the shelves to find Tasty Snacks to be batted down onto the kitchen floor & divided once the raid is complete.

So please cheer me up - that milkshake was [meant to be] a big treat & between my brain & my cats I have been deprived of it. (Which is clearly not the biggest problem in the world; nor is it even the biggest problem in my personal orbit, but 🤷🏻‍♀️)
What are the most ridiculous things your cats have stolen? Food or indeed otherwise.

(I have attached photos of my fluffy wee miscreants. Do not allow their attempts to look innocent to fool you. Hardened criminals, they are. Will brutally murder a pack of croissants/cakes/popcorn/crisps/biscuits/protein flapjacks/cereal bars/jam tarts [etc] as soon as look at them. Adorable yet terrible.)

My very 1st cat proudly stole some expensive fish from a neighbour a few doors down, dragged it across a few fences, through the cat flap and plonked it proudly at my Mum’s feet. 😂

Neighbour had left it on the side near the window to cool down whilst going in other room to set it up in anticipation of guests arriving for a meal.

We heard on the grapevine about it but never breathed a word that it was our cat. All they knew was that it has vanished and couldn’t fathom out how it has happened.

My old cat loved yum yums he stole a sealed packet while I was unpacking my shopping, snuck under the table, sliced open the packaging and ate a good portion of each one. I only realised there may be a problem when he appears with a little face covered in sugar !

One of mine leaped over the very high brick wall complete with a spatchcocked chicken our neighbiour was bbqueing.

Another walked through our neighbour's house with one of their koi in her mouth.

The replacement of the koi hurt the pocket more than the spatchcocked chicken but thankfully the neighbour was sanguine both times.

Dexter stole a €50 note, I found it under the fridge a few days later. In his defence it was my fault really as I used to encourage him to play fetch with scrunched up balls of paper not currency though

Rosie made off with a whole rack of BBQ ribs that were cooling on the worktop - this is a cat that has never jumped on the worktop or taken the slightest interest in human food 🙀

I did cat-shame them both on Facebook 😂

Girlcat stole my cardigan once at night - woke up to see it moving across the floor. She did it in small stealthy moves while doing her usual charge in, jump onto the windowsill, flying leap to the ground then charge out again. Except this night she would double back as she went out of the door & drag the cardi a few inches each time.

One of mine swiped a sausage the last time we had a bbq. There was absolutely zero stealth in this theft - we all watched her jump up to the table, sniff the sausages and choose the best one, before settling down on a picnic chair to eat it

Another one regularly takes my handcream; she doesn’t use much but like to help herself to a little blob

@TheBalletCats they are ninjas! They sound awesome🥰

Larry who is the sweetest most good natured cat ever- is also the sneakiest thief of human food. Never turn away from a cheese sandwich or a satay kebab or a lemon curd crumpet- all of which he's purloined recently

One of mine stole next doors chicken breast. He's also partial to a packet or crisps and once at the ones sitting on bed . We can usually tell what he's pilfered as it's all over his nose

I was watching TV eating pizza when my boy cat at the time did a fly by and hooked a slice off the plate without breaking his stride. He disappeared to the furthest reaches under the dining table so I couldn't get to him. Stealth personified, that creature.