Elderly cat when is it time to say goodbye?

[Caravansandfestivals]

My old girl is coming up to 20 (had her since a kitten). She’s been slowing down for a while now and has been showing symptoms of kidney disease plus dementia. She has for the last 6 months or so had periods of a couple of days of lethargy, vomiting and diarrhoea but then rallied again. Appetite typically fine. Noticed over the last couple of weeks that the unwell periods seem to be closer together and lasting longer. Eating a bit less and drinking a lot. Very little grooming and pooing outside of litter tray in various places. Vet appointment booked for her. I’m inevitably wondering whether it’s now her time? I don’t really want to put her through loads of tests and/or treatment as it feels unfair to her. She’s lived a long life and has been and is so loved. I don’t think she’s suffering as she is still very loving and not withdrawn but I don’t doubt that she’s feeling rough (and the pooing outside the tray will likely be distressing for her as she’s Always been such a clean girl). So, when do you know when it’s time?

I would say that last bit is your answer. She can't control her bowels and that will be distressing for her.

I very much believed the old adage better a day too early than a day too late.

I'm sorry- it's very hard when they've been a constant in your life for so long.

Has she been seen by a vet, even at her age it could be something treated simply by medication, so get her the medical attention she needs if you haven’t already,

We had exactly the same with our old boy. He was not eating much and had got thin. He was the so much loved pet of my adult son. My son took him to vets and was told cats mask pain so hard to tell if in pain but will be distressed if cannot control bowels. He was advised PTS to avoid cat suffering distress. My son brought him home gave him some warm tuna, his very favourite, cuddled him a lot, then a few hours later drove cat back to be PTS. Cat was almost 19 and son was 24 so grew up together. Son cried but said he couldn't bare to think of cat in pain and distress. It sounds like it is time.

thanks all. It is very hard but I don’t want her to be in pain (I know they mask it 😭). She has been to the vets quite a few times and they’ve run numerous tests a few times too, but nothing particularly concerning ever came back. The last time she was very subdued after being there all day for numerous tests so I’m kind of reluctant to put her through all that again. The symptoms that led to the initial tests are still ongoing though and clearly getting worse. She has another appointment booked for Monday so will update the vets on the deterioration and go from there. I will absolutely do the right thing by her.

😭😭aww it’s so hard isn’t it?

My last cat was 18. Similar to your own in terms of symptoms. I regret not having him pts sooner to be honest, and I am determined not to make same mistake again. Thinking of you, and your lovely old puss.

Thanks for sharing this. I don’t want to wait until it’s blindingly obvious that she needs to be PTS. Want to do it before she suffers it at all possible. This is so helpful and thanks so much for your kind wishes. Really sorry about your puss too 😫

Thanks so much for sharing. It does sound so similar to the situation we are in.

This was exactly where my DM's cat had arrived at when we decided it was time.

20 is an epic age by the way, what a lot of love she must have had over that time!

I think your last sentence says it all really 😔

Would your vet do a home visit? That would be a lot less distressing for both of you. I took my cat to the vet in very similar circumstances and they PTS on that appointment. I wish I had phoned the vets, explained the situation and had them come out to my house.

The last noises being a clatter of a keyboard and the clanging of metal was not something I wanted for my darling cat. I wish she'd been on my lap on the sofa instead nice and calm.

We had a similar decision recently with our dog. The vet suggested using a quality of life index as this was a good way to track changes over time too and gives some guidance to where vets also draw the line.

Thanks so much everyone. My gut was telling me really but you’ve all helped me achieve some real clarity.

Thank you. She has been totally adored (and rightly so 😍)

My old boy got to 20 and sounds similar. His back legs kept going but he was eating and purring so I put it off. One Saturday evening he fell over and looked at me with a pained expression and struggled to get up. It was awful to see so ended up using the emergency vet to PTS. Please don,t leave it like I did. What an amazingly long life she’s had.

Toileting distress was the deciding factor for my last old boy, not because of the mess, but because it was a clear sign he wasn't 'right' as he'd always been such a clean cat. it was a devastating decision to make, and I booked him in for a couple of days after making the decision so he could have his favourite foods one last time (he hadn't been having them as they upset his stomach). It was the right thing to do, but awful having to say goodbye

It's so very hard, OP, sympathies. Your old girl sounds wonderful.

I was just starting to think about this with our beloved old tortie girl, she's 18 (nearly 19). She still seems content and affectionate, but steadily getting thinner, more unsteady and less mobile and lately experiencing a bit of urinary incontinence during sleep. Cats are so good at hiding their discomfort, I find it hard to gauge whether she's really going downhill or not. I think she still has some mileage in her but am gradually preparing myself by thinking about future decisions.

Vet visits and medication have always absolutely freaked her out severely, so even when she was younger it's been a difficult decision when she's unwell whether to subject her to the trauma. So if she will need long-term medication and/or regular veterinary attention, we wouldn't be sure whether that would really be the right thing to do to her.

It's so hard. I took mine in (she was 19) and had to take her home again when the vet said it would be kindest to PTS as I needed to mentally prepare myself. It was actually a very peaceful process and she was really relaxed.

I actually think the best question to ask a vet is, what would you do if this was your family pet?

They then tend to get very honest.

A friend of mine who is a vet says she wished more people asked her this.

I really feel for you. I think by asking the question, it's already on your mind, and in your heart of hearts you know it's probably time.
I found with my 2 girls, who were 19 and 20, that illness became almost normalised, I got used to cleaning up after them, which I did willingly, I loved them both so much. However looking back, I should have done it sooner. They weren't ill as such just very old and a bit frail.
What decided me in the end was the way they looked at me one night. The look in her eyes was telling me it was time. She looked so tired.
They were litter mates and died a year apart. Good luck, thinking about you on Monday.
You have a lot of support on here.

We had our old girl (21) put to sleep when she became incontinent.

our vet no longer do hone visits for euthanasia, we had to call out a specialist service, who charge more for same day, if you know it’s time it might be best to book ahead, heartless as that sounds. I think it was about £270.