Guilt after getting new kitten (tw cat death)

[Gemzee]

My cat was hit by a car and died just over two weeks ago, I was/am devastated. He was only 20 months old and my first pet as an adult. I miss him terribly and the house felt empty without him (I have a ds & dh but felt so odd not having my cat).

A few days ago a work colleague text to ask me if I would like a 15 week old female kitten (her cat had a litter in May), I felt conflicted as I really didn't plan on getting a kitten and definitely not this soon. My plan was to possibly get a rescue cat after Christmas. In the end I decided it was fate in a way as although I didn't want a kitten, I would have liked a female cat.

She has been with us since Tuesday and is very cute and I enjoy cuddling her but I feel guilty, like I'm trying to replace my boy. I have a necklace with his ashes in around my neck right now. I miss him alot and don't love the new kitten just yet (although not even 3 days in yet so I guess thats normal?). Also it's hard having the extra work of a kitten (litter tray etc) along with a 4yr old ds.

I will grow to love her won't I? I hope I haven't made a mistake.

Yes, you will grow to love her. She won’t replace your boy, but it sounds like you are a very loving person.

I agree it sounds like fate and she needed you. You could still get a rescue cat later in the year.

Enjoy having a kitten and try and let go of the guilt.

Your cat wouldn't begrudge you for loving and giving a home to another. You could remain petless for the rest of your life and it wouldn't bring him back. My DF is like this, our dear family dog died nearly 4 years ago and he won't get another, he walks miles in countryside everyday, is retired while my mum will works and was an excellent dog owner, but he just won't consider another.
If you did you miss out on that relationship and a pet misses out on a home where they are really cared about.

I get how you must feel guilty but as a PP said your cat would be happy and wouldn’t want your love going to waste
I remember every cat we ever had from when I was a child (its a long time ago) you never ever forget them you just get lucky to have another one to love through your whole life.

my darling dog Poppy was unique and so special. the day after she died I was asked to take a rescue dog who had come from a puppy farm. at first, I refused to have anything to do with the little scrap who had had a terrible life. I fed him and cared for him but that was it. I gradually realized he did need me and that did not affect my wonderful memories of Poppy so I gradually came to love Moo. don't feel guilty this is a new chapter and this little soul has been sent to love you

Don’t feel guilty, you’re still grieving. Yes you will love her and she will bring you lots of joy.

Of course you’ll grow to love her. It was a bit soon, it’s best to let yourself grieve first, but it is what it is. 💐

It’ll be fine, will just take time.

Oh Op, You absolutely will grow to love her!

Last year I was offered a kitten and the kids were begging me to have one and I said no, simply because my boy is such a softie, I didnt want him to run away or decide he didnt want to live here if another cat was in the house. I could not imagine ever loving another cat like i love him.

Then My dps ex died and his son who was already living with us had a cat at his mums, I could not say no, he had gone through enough so I took the cat (cost me £600 in vet bills on the 3rd day)

My goodness I love her so much, she is just lovely and i wouldnt chgange her for the world!

Thank you all.

Wow "You could remain petless for the rest of your life and it wouldn't bring him back" really struck me. So true. I guess I just want him back but having her doesn't change things.

I just need to get to know her, and her me. I can miss him and hopefully love her too.

Are you able to post a photo OP ?

1st pic is my boy, 2nd pic is kitten ❤️

Thank you
they are absolutely purrfect ❤️❤️
thread making me feel a little sad but new kitty looks like she knows she has a loving home ❤️❤️She’s going to have those lovely big ‘golf ball’ paws (i call them) when she’s grown, I love big cat feet.
lots of love and luck to you 💐

You've done absolutely the right thing. That's are so many cats who need good homes.

Thanks, you've all made me feel better. Wish there was a like button.

So sorry about your boy. I have a pure white lady cat 😍 you will grow to love your new girl and she will help to heal the pain of losing your lad xxx

@Gemzee
if there was a like button you would have the most 😻

You will love her. She will really help you move on (but not forget). The right cat was waiting for me and she came home only 10 days after my other cat died. Much earlier than planned. But it really was for the best. It felt like fate.

I like to think that when your cat dies, he or she identifies the right new cat for you and makes sure you find them. I know that sounds very 'woo' and sentimental, but somehow I have always found the 'right' cat at the right time after losing a cat.

I hope you and your new kitten have a long and happy time together.

Aww I love this ❤️

@Antarcticant I'm not Woo at all but I do agree with this. Some of Cheddar's behaviour was exactly the same as Maia's. It was really strange. But lovely.

I have been in this position recently. My lovely girl was killed in a RTA in April.

We adopted a beautiful boy 5 weeks ago and although I love him, it's just not the same.

I miss my girl and I don't think I'll ever be able to recreate those special times / bond.

I keep calling him by her name.

I don't think I'll ever forget her or want to.

I understand this feeling, having lost my cat in a rta 6 months ago I don't feel I could love another cat the same. However that little kitten looks so content and grateful for the cuddles. You're doing something right even if it doesn't feel like it.

The kitty deserves a lovely home and you deserve to have that horrible hole left filled with love.

I lost my boy cat nearly 3 years ago and I still think of him most days. I still have the girl, and a new girl, neither of whom love me like my boy did. But it's okay. They are their own girls, we have our own relationships, on their terms, obviously. You won't forget him and you're not replacing him. This is a new relationship and will take time to develop. Someone who has loved a cat as you have should never be without at least one, I think.