Beloved cat PTS, the pain is unbearable

[Catnipples]

I am devastated.

My darling cat, the love of my life, had to be PTS on Thursday. The pain is unbearable & I don't know how to live without her.

She was 11 & a half. We rescued her at 18 months old, she was feisty & unpredictable but had a loving snuggly side that only we saw. She was the best. The absolute best & I cannot believe she is not here anymore.

She developed a cough a couple of months ago, the vets found shadowing on her lungs in an x-ray. The results were inconclusive without further invasive tests; she had already stopped eating & hated the vets. They tried antibiotics & steroids but she declined quickly & we had to make the awful decision to PTS.

It is hands-down the hardest, most painful thing I have ever gone through. Me and DW were with her until the end, stroking her and telling her how much we loved her and how lucky we were to have her, the best one.

Seeing her lifeless will haunt me forever, it just seemed impossible.

My heart feels torn apart. I don't know how to live without her, how to be in the house when all I can see is her everywhere, how to accept I will never see her again. I love her so so much and feel this pain will never ease. She had such a strong character, she seemed the type that would go on forever. It just doesn't feel right or real & I keep expecting to wake up & it was an awful nightmare.

Has anyone felt like this? This pain is worse than when my Dad died...I feel that I am going mad :(

I'm so sorry. She sounds like a brilliant cat.

Oh my gosh I'm so sorry about your cat.
She sounds like an amazing cat
It is completely understandable how you feel and also that it might be worse than when your dad died there's nothing wrong with that
I feel so bad for you xx

Bless you. It’s devastating when we have to let our animals go, I literally cried for days when we had to have our last one put to sleep. It’ll just take time - and I’d really recommend getting another cat or two when you feel ready. It’s not to replace them, but it just really helps when you have some other furries to love. Hang in there :)

Ah I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. I had to have my lovely, and sometimes not so lovely, girl PTS last month

someone said I’d have a void in my house/ heart now and they were correct. Takes a while to fill it again, if you ever can.

she'll be happy you were with her at the end, mine was on the good drugs at the end and was in good place

Oh gosh I have been there.
The only way I could cope was to think of how lucky I had been I have him in my life and what joy he had given me.

Oh and please don’t let people force another cat on you until you are ready. As Wombat100 says they can be a great comfort when the time is right

personally after 15 years I’m spending some time travelling, being spontaneous first. Then I’m going to get another cat, ok another two cats

So sorry , it's the worst feeling ever 💐

You gave your lovely girl the best life and you made the only fair choice that there was when she became unwell. You stayed with her until the end. She was loved and she went over rainbow bridge with your love. I cried for so long when my old boy was PTS on mine and my ds lap, but it takes time, and each time I think of my boy now, my heart honestly swells with the memories of him. My heart goes out to you xxx

I am so so sorry OP. I lost my dear 18 year old cat while studying abroad (we had had him since I was 4). It was horrendous, I thought someone had torn my heart from my chest. Please take time to grieve and don’t let anyone tell you ‘it’s just a cat’ - what rubbish. We bought a lovely rose for the garden - suitably called ‘The Ginger Climber’ to commemorate him.
In time OP, and only when you are ready, consider sharing all that love and affection with another cat. You obviously have so much love to give a pet and there are so many waiting for their forever home. All the best

The pain is so great because the love was so great. And the love should never be regretted. Time will slowly help, but in the meantime you can only keep on keeping on.

I'm so, so sorry. You have lost a dear friend. She sounds like a wonderful cat, full of character.
Your feelings of deep loss are normal and natural. We lost one of our cats two years ago. It took me a long time to shake off the flashbacks of her last moments and her lifeless body. I now can remember her fondly as she was from kitten to a wonderful cat. A year ago we lost our Jack Russell. He has left a big hole in our lives and the loss still feels raw. I don't think we'll ever have another dog.

We have only now felt ready to take on two kittens. I was worried about letting another pet into my heart again and he vulnerable to the pain of loss again but they are bringing us so much joy.

I hope you find a special way to celebrate and remember your special friend and that it brings you some comfort to know that you gave her a wonderful life.

I’m sorry for your loss.

My parents let me keep a stray (definitely a stray, dumped with kittens and I’m going back over 30 years, she was pretty feral, no chips back then).
She was my best friend and I had her from a child until I was 22. She would come to a whistle, always seem to know when I was due home, she would follow me everywhere. I brought her home to bury and I wish I hadn’t, as she looked so different. I’m 44 and I still miss her, not sure I’ll ever have another cat.

You have to think, you gave her a good, happy life and she didn’t suffer. Perhaps one day you can offer another pet a loving home. You’ll remember her the way she was in time. 💐Let yourself grieve.

I had to do that three weeks ago and it was so so hard. I passed a few days at home crying my heart out, feeling very low and depressed, and then decided that it
was too horrible to continue like that, so I went on the local rescue website and got the sickest, ‘no one wants him’ cat. I still miss my previous cat so badly, and the pts day will remain ingrained into my brain forever, but I know that I’m giving another little cat a life she could only dream of, and she is also helping me soothe my pain and find peace.

I did that for my Charlie, otherwise known as MOG (miserable old git)!
He was in truth lovely but very much his own cat.
He didn't even discover his purr until the age of around 18. (Before that, you could feel he was purring, but he made no noise.)
In his later years he realised that he loved being cradled in my arms like a baby - he would never have allowed this before.
He lived until somewhere around 22/23 (he was a rescue cat, but he was definitely geriatric).
But then, it was time to let him go. I did, as much as it pained me (I howled with grief after he was PTS), but I knew it was the right thing to do for him.
That what you did for your girl too. You made the kindest decision you could. Have a read of Rainbow Bridge if you feel inclined. It's a bit spiritual, but speaks of being reunited with pets after you and they have passed away:

I'm sorry your suffering. My mum is going through the same, she had her dog put to sleep recently.

Life can be cruel. I'm sure your cat had a lovely life with you. Take the time to grieve at your own pace x

It is awful. But it will get better. One day you'll be able to think of her and smile.

I'm so so sorry for your loss.

I did feel like this. It absolutely broke my heart. My Kitty was very poorly and I'd done my best, but knew it was inevitable. I held her whilst on the table, I was whispering in her ear all the time that I loved her.

And then she was gone. I asked if they could pop her tongue back in, and found it very sweet that they popped a plaster over where she had been injected.

I bought her home to bury as I could not let go of her.
I sat by her grave many nights with a candle and just appreciated the beauty in life... And then a hedgehog ran over her grave to me - I fed her Kitty's left over cat food and she ran off - 3 gardens up, she had babies to feed.

Nothing like that has ever happened again.

Always look for the good and the positive and the love ❤️ It took me months.

Thank you everyone for your kind words, they have really helped, and my heart breaks for anyone that has been through this also.

I keep thinking about the 'what-ifs'...I wish now that I had asked the vet to come to the house to PTS. I'm not even sure if they do that but I hate that her final moments were in a strange environment. She always hated the carrier & travelling and I wish I hadn't put her through it😔
I guess we didn't know for sure that we would PTS until we were at the vets & had time to speak to them & make a decision. Still, it's hard & I hate to think I let her down.

Ugh, why can't they just live forever?! I remember reading once that grief is the price we pay for love...it's so, so true.

So so sorry Catnipples I hate these threads, but as a fellow cat owner I have to read them. Your lovely cat sounded gorgeous. I always say the same thing, it was the last kind thing you can do for your furry friend. it is the worst part of owning animals but also shows how much you love them.

Honestly, it's to raw now but, in time this will offer you comfort. Take care of each other and be prepared for tears when you least expect them.

It's so hard to bear. I'm so sorry for your loss. Sadly, there's no quick way out of the grief. It took 5 years for me. I couldn't even say his name for about 3 years without crying and couldn't look at a photo of him for 4 years without an overwhelming feeling of grief. He was my ❤ cat, and life hasn't been the same without him. I've had many cats since, and the sadness of losing them is definitely there, but the feeling of devastation is nowhere near as close.

You will adjust to the huge loss of her, I promise. Grieve for her and know that we're all thinking of you

Oh, I am so sorry that she’s gone. I can clearly remember posting in here when I lost my boy - he was my soul cat.

I can completely understand the reaching out - you want someone to reassure you that the pain will ease and that you’ll feel ok again. All I can say is, it will take time. Do not beat yourself up if you are still sad after x amount of weeks or months.

The only thing I’ll say (which I hated being said when I went through it) is that time really will help. That raw pain WILL ease eventually. It might not feel like it now, but it will lessen over time.

One verse, which still makes me cry but also helped a lot, is one called “today you did the bravest thing”. When you feel ready, take a look - it reminds me why we are there to advocate for our beloved pets.

There is nothing anyone here can say to ease that hurt that you’re feeling. But we’ve all been there and understand. So post as much as you need to, it’s often easier than trying to communicate in real life.

It might not seem like it now, but you will come through this 💐🐾💐

I lost mine November 2019 and it was just unbearable. I sobbed every day for a year & still wasn’t ready for a new cat when we got our girl in July last year.

You learn to live with it is all I can tell you.

I'm so sorry OP, it's such a horrible thing to go through. You don't realise what a sucker punch it is before it happens.
I lost my Bluebell aged 20 a year ago and the pain has not got any less despite adopting two more cats.
She was the love of my life and I can't bear it that she's gone. I still can't talk about her without breaking down.

I'm so sorry. She sounds wonderful. You build such a close bond with them that it really is a huge loss when they die. The grief is exactly the same as losing a human relation. In time you'll take comfort in the fact you gave her the best life and she was so loved.

I can feel the pain in your post. I have to console myself with the fact that the love we felt for them was felt by them.
You could feel how much they loved you so they felt it in return. Imagine having the gift of a wonderful owner who put their beloved pets needs before their own. The most selfless thing you can do is to end suffering and be present as they drift into a sleep that alleviates all the pain and suffering. You loved them and were loved in return xx