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DC too young to be present during euthanasia?
20

MontyMarsh · 22/06/2022 11:36

Our 11yo girl has been suffering with nasal blockage and lung issues for the past few weeks which is making her breathing increasingly difficult. A CT scan has shown its probably the kindest decision to end her life in the next day or two.

We have two DC aged 7 & 5, and my gut decision is that we are very lucky to have a little time to say goodbye, so we should let them say goodbye at home, and then we'll take her to the vet. But we are wavering over if we should ask them if they want to come to the vet for her final moments. Am I right that they are too young, and it would be best for them to remember her alive? Thanks for any advice.

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DialsMavis · 22/06/2022 11:42

I would say too young, for them and also DCat deserves a quiet and dignified end and this won't be the case with distressed DC in the room. I might be wrong, but would assume the vet wouldn't allow such small DC in the room. Sorry you are all going through this.

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QuebecBagnet · 22/06/2022 11:48

yeah, think of what’s best for the cat. Kids crying won’t help. I was about 9yo the first I went in. Which I think was ok but probably not younger. Also remember it’s not always peaceful, I’ve had some animals put up a fight at the end which was awful to see.

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QuebecBagnet · 22/06/2022 11:49

Meant to say I’m sorry you’re going through this

my dd is now an adult but has still never been present even though I’ve asked her if she wanted to. Saying goodbye at home is ok

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Natsku · 22/06/2022 11:54

We had to put our cat to sleep last autumn and both children came, 10 and 3 at the time. 3 year old was too young to understand but wasn't disruptive or anything.

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TamSamLam · 22/06/2022 11:55

I don't think 2 days is enough time to prepare them. If they already understand about death and know about being put to sleep it might be different.

I would be honest with what's happening. And maybe consider taking them if they ask, but I wouldn't invite them along. They'll likely just assume it's an adult thing like other vet trips etc.

I'm sorry for what you're going through.

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Beamur · 22/06/2022 11:58

I wouldn't take them into the vet with you. Say your goodbyes at home. Just you go in with your kitty.
Most times it's a smooth and gentle procedure, but just on the off chance it's not, I wouldn't want that to be their last memory of the cat.

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Hobele · 22/06/2022 12:00

I'm a grown up and still have flashbacks of when I had to put our dog down. I wouldn't do it.

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Notagain76 · 22/06/2022 12:06

I don’t agree with children being present, as much as it’s a family pet, your the adult so need to make the choice. It’s not a nice memory to have of cats final moments.I think if you decide to you should at the least speak to the school and see if theirs a grief councillor or something as you don’t know what effects it might have long term. Let them be kids, you could always plant a bush or something after with the kids

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Narwhalelife · 22/06/2022 12:13

Our Labrador was pts when DD’s were 10 & 4 - they were not present.

Last year we lost our other Labrador - DD’s were 17 & 12 and they were there, but he was very old and tired so it was very peaceful.

if we thought (and/ or vet advice) there would be any reason it wouldn’t have been there - it’s absolutely heartbreaking (me and DH) were really tearful so you have to factor that in as well - kids may not understand the pet dying but they do understand (and worry) when parents are so upset xx

sorry this is happening to you all 😥

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SomePosters · 22/06/2022 12:21

Depends on the kid not the age tbh

if you think it’s not best you are probably right as you know them best.

my 10yo was present when her nanas dog was euthanised. It was helpful for her as a part of the grieving process

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MontyMarsh · 22/06/2022 13:15

Thank you so much for all your comments. I think you've confirmed my gut feeling. The children can say goodbye at home.

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pastaandpesto · 22/06/2022 14:12

I think that is the right call OP.

Even though euthanasia is 100% the right thing to do in such circumstances, the reality is that you are proactively electing to kill a (much loved) animal. I was around 20 when my childhood cat was euthanised and I found the whole experience unexpectedly distressing, and I'm not a particularly emotional person.

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SheWoreYellow · 22/06/2022 14:13

Yes, right call. Our cat was a bit distressed by the injection. It wasn’t nice.

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bringbackthesun1 · 22/06/2022 14:23

Definitely the right decision to let them remember her at home. We had to say goodbye to our lovely cat this week and the process was more complicated than expected and I’m struggling to remove the images of him getting a bit distressed from my mind. It would be too much for children.
im sorry you’re going through this. Sending love x

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Bootothegoose · 22/06/2022 14:25

Jesus fucking Christ no. Far too young. As PP have said, it is not always peaceful and dignified. You want the focus and priority to be the pet, not comforting the children. Say goodbyes at home, one of you take the cat if you have no childcare and let them go peacefully feeling safe and secure.

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Toddlerteaplease · 22/06/2022 17:47

It's a really hard thing to do as an adult. I wouldn't want children there! Even tough my cats death was very peaceful.

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purpleme12 · 22/06/2022 17:51

My child came with me to the vet to put our pet to sleep she was 5
She wasn't too young. It was really sad and awfully obviously but that's just because of what was happening. I don't regret it and she's certainly not been traumatised by it!

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violetsanddaisies · 22/06/2022 17:51

I also agree with previous posters that even though it's usually quick, it's not always as calm and peaceful as we would hope so that might be particularly difficult for young children.

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trickyex · 22/06/2022 17:56

I had one of our cats pts at home, following a rather harrowing experience at the vet with his brother.
Is that an option? DCs can be in another room, calmer for the pet and nicer for you too.
Sorry you are having to go through this, its the worst part of being a pet owner.

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Mumoblue · 22/06/2022 17:59

I probably wouldn’t take them, but maybe you can have a nice goodbye at home? My mum did that for us when our childhood cat had to be pts. We spoiled and fussed her for the day and drew her pictures to put in her cat carrier and then kissed her goodbye at the door. It was sad but I think it helped process it because we could talk about the fact that yes she was gone but we said goodbye and we showed her how much we loved her.

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